Guitar Playing Jokes
111 guitar playing jokes and hilarious guitar playing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about guitar playing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Guitar Playing Short Jokes
Short guitar playing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The guitar playing humour may include short guitar player jokes also.
- A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
- My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month. It's part of her minstrel cycle.
- I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
- A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded: "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
- My friend's worried he's addicted to playing guitar I told him not to fret but he says he can't help it
- Why are accordions better than guitars? You can play both melody and harmony at the same time, so you don’t need any friends.
- I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow. They said I violated it.
- When playing the guitar in public... keep in mind not to finger A minor, you could get arrested.
- I'm learning how to play the neurotic guitar. It's a lot like an acoustic guitar but it's a little more high strung.
- No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say... I play a little guitar!"
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Guitar Playing One Liners
Which guitar playing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with guitar playing? I can suggest the ones about play guitar and guitar.
- What did al gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.
- What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm
- Piracy is killing the music industry I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?
- I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached
- What did the mathematician play on his guitar? An algo-rhythm
- I saw someone playing the guitar with a pool stick. It was acoustic.
- How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar? He shreds.
- My son told me I need to stop playing wonderwall on guitar I said maybe..
- I play a little guitar But I'm saving up for a big one.
- What do you call an abominable snowman that plays the guitar? Yeti Van Halen.
- How do you call a bunch of strawberries playing the guitar? A jam session.
- What instrument did the chemist play in the band? The base guitar.
- How does a dog play Hendrix on guitar? With a chihuahua pedal.
- They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar The "Eric Claptop"
- Learning to the play the guitar is rather simple. You don't have to fret about it.
Guitar Playing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about guitar playing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean playing instruments jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make guitar playing pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar.
The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano.
The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than j**... Lee Lewis and Elton John.
The best pianist ever.
Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes.
The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them.
Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out.
Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?”
And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna f*c**... her when I get her pyjamas off”
Every time I see a white guy with a guitar at a party I ask myself...
I wonderwall he's going to play?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Blind people can't play guitar
because they can't C sharp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a guitarist, I play many gigs.
Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Apparently, I'm still lost…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I played for a homeless mans f**...
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. (xpost from funny)
Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Apparently, I'm still lost…
My friend broke a string playing the guitar. I told him...
...don't fret it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took my guitar to an open mic night at a bar. Yea, it s**... cuz they made me play one less chord.
Guess one of 'em was a minor.
50th Anniversary Tour
This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.
So I sold my guitar...
I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."
All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So me and my p**... friends have a weekly gathering...
Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just f**... A minor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl i was picking up in a bar once said...
..'I don't think i've ever had s**... with a guy whose been playing guitar at the same time' I replied 'Well... I don't know how many songs i can play in 17 seconds'
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A v**... fingers his girlfriend for the first time
The woman with bated breath exclaims "I thought you were a v**..." the man replies " I am but i also play the guitar"
A couple weeks ago I saw a sign on a telephone pole that said "learn guitar in 30 days."
I can't wait. Just a few more days and I'll be able to play the guitar.
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, so the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I get its pajamas off."
Hey man, you play guitar?
Not a lick.
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Today I broke a G string while f**... A minor
d**..., playing guitar is hard!
Why didn't Chris Hadfield play guitar with the hobo?
Cause he didn't have space to jam in.
My friend had all of his guitars stolen, and he's real sad about it.
Can't even play the blues anymore.
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If your playing the guitar just remember one thing
Dont finger a minor you could get arrested for that.
I was at a party playing guitar once
and somebody asked me if I could play Wonderwall
I said maybe
What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player?
One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.
I play the acoustic guitar but not the electric guitar
It might electrocute me.
Why did Gary Glitter never play major chords on his guitar?
Because he exclusively fingered minors.
What do chemists say when they wanna play a song at guitar?
"Anyway, here's van der Waal."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Was f**... A Minor And I Went To Jail
I Hate Playing Guitar
Playing guitar is a sin...
...after all, Jesus told his disciples to "fret not."
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Who invented mince?
A l**... playing guitar.
Me, neighbor and cops are making a band
I play electric guitar, Cops are playing drums on the door and neighbor sings outside the window.
What did the Russian monarch's guitar playing son want to be when he grew up?
A rocktsar
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I play guitar underwater
To drown my solos.
I've been trying to learn how to play Sublime songs on guitar...
I haven't made any progress yet because I don't practice Santeria.
My friend gave me his favorite guitar as a gift.
Couldn't play it though, there were no strings attached.
Why does Snoop Dogg always have that guitar on stage but yet he never plays it?
For show.
I sold my guitar to a man with no arms
I said to him "How will this work?"
And he replied "I'm not sure, I'll play it by ear"
Doc, will I be able to play guitar after my arm heals?
Doc: Of course
Dude: Sick! I couldn't do that before!
A poor man fall asleep one night and the devil appears in his dream
The devil says to him "I shall grant you any worldly wish you desire but at a price"
The poor man asks "I've only got my six string and very little money, however I can earn money if I play guitar well. So I wish to be the greatest guitar player the world has ever seen."
The devil replies "the price for that is merely your human soul."
The man thinks for a moment and responds "that's a lot to lose. I don't think I'm willing to pay that. What can I get for a dollar?"
The devil responds "the greatest bass player"
My friend was a pretty good guitarist
But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.
A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings
His instructor told him don't fret
Why did the air guitar champion not play at the finals?
His guitar was stolen.
What was the first song the chemist learned to play on the guitar?
I think I need glasses for playing the guitar.
I can't even C#
Boll Weavels
There were two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star.
His brother just stayed home and slept. You could say he was the lesser of two weavels.
Why were the Maple Leafs strumming guitars and singing sombrely on the ice?
They were playing the Blues
I built the most American guitar ever
Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.
Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.
Two Boll Weavels
There were once two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. They lived in Nashville, TN and both loved country music. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and listen to the radio, so he learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star. Fame and fortune were no longer a stranger to him.
His brother went to school, where he met his wife, and became a CPA and found a modest job at a local tax firm. The locals often say he is the lesser of two weavels.
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
I had a dream last night...
In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.
I've been playing the same guitar for fifty years.
We have a mahoganous relationship.
Can the queen play the guitar?
No but Brian May
Why are strippers always shopping for g-strings?
Because they play their guitars too hard!
You're worried that you're a guitar player who can't play open strings.
Don't fret.
What do you call a biscuit that's terrible at playing the guitar?
A dodgy jammer
What do people with a speech impediment play on guitar
Thongs
How did the amateur bass player introduce himself?
Hey guys, so I play the guitar, lowkey
Teach a man a guitar and he'll play for a day.
Give a man a guitar and today's gonna be the day that they're gonna give it back to you.
They say Jimi Hendrix was so good at playing guitar he could play in his sleep
too bad he wasn't that good at throwing up
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What does the d**... atom play on guitar?
And after aaaaaall,
You're my Van der Waaaaal.
3 Instruments are Catching Up
School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.
The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."
The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the stage!"
At this moment, the Saxophone realizes that the flute has been quiet. "Hey Flute, how was your summer?"
The flute says, "I don't wanna talk about it."
The guitar says, "Come on, I thought you were going to band camp?"
"I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT"
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What does a l**... make when they play guitar?
Minced meat
I'm bisexual and I play bass and electric guitar
I suppose I string both ways
Your new tinder bio
I only know how to play a little bit on the guitar, but I definitely know my way around a G-string
A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....
...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.
The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we have to stop..."
"Why?" asked the knight
The woman replied..."Because I'm on my Minstrel cycle..."