Guinness Records Jokes
25 guinness records jokes and hilarious guinness records puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about guinness records that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Guinness Records Short Jokes
Short guinness records jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The guinness records humour may include short guinness world record jokes also.
- My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
- A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books. He then proceded to beat all records.
- A man broke the Guinness World Record by playing the same piano key 1,000 times in 1 minute He then went home and broke the world record for most satisfied girlfriend.
- Did you hear about the Irishman who drank 30 beers in 30 minutes? It was a Guinness world record.
- I tried getting into Guinness World record by smashing up music albums I broke a lot of records
*ba dum tis* - Spencer Chamberlain holds the Guinness record for longest scream at 17 seconds, with the song "Given Up." He was awarded posthumously.
- The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
- I'm in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's worst musician. But I don't like to blow my own bongo.
- You know, I'm actually in the Guinness Book of World Records... For the most unbelievable lie!
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Guinness Records One Liners
Which guinness records one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with guinness records? I can suggest the ones about world record and guinness beer.
- A made a sandbag out of Guinness Books... ... and now I'm beating all the records.
- Chuck Norris has a diary.
It's called the Guinness Book of World Records. - What do you call the most beers drank by an Irishman? A Guinness world record.
- I was in the Guinness world record book My names Adam
- What was h**...'s favorite Guinness world record? The worlds largest oven
Guinness Records Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about guinness records you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pint guinness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make guinness records pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in California spent 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 19 hours, sculpting and carving the biggest replica Aspirin tablet for the Guinness Book of World Records.... only to find out there was still one bigger and his was second place.
That must have been a hard pill to s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris set the record for most amount of records broken; All of them.
The Guinness Book is actually for all of the 2nd-placers, otherwise it would be a book the size of a post-it note with one page in it that says 'Chuck Norris'.
They say he once did a **minute** in only 41.25 seconds.
I wrote to the Guinness Book of Records . . .
I wrote to the *Guinness Book of Records* and told them that I had a flat piece of plastic with a hole in the middle and multiple grooves. My question for them was, is this a record?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Found this diet that's supposed to make you paper-thin.
I'm trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records.
Topical Jokes for 9/5/14
(for best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)
In Oregon, a veterinarian discovered 43 socks in a Great Dane's stomach. The dog was taken to the vet when the owner wanted to find out why his sock drawer was growling.
To ward off evil spirits, a woman in India has married a stray dog. The woman's biggest complaint about being married to a dog — is everything.
A new study has determined that wearing a bra, does not cause breast cancer. The study did find that going without a bra, causes cancer of the eyes.
Eminemn has been entered into the Guinness Book of World Records by having nearly 1,500 words in the song Rap God. And only 700 of those were the f-word.
The World Health Organization announced that doctors should use the blood of Ebola survivors to treat other patients. This was in response to the question, What's the best way to spread the Ebola virus?
(Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed 'em)
I took the family to an amusement park and they all got thirsty at once.
Fortunately we were close to a big soda shop, a circular building with lines of varying lengths standing at most of the windows.
"Excuse me," I asked a park employee, "Which window do we go to?"
"Each window is for a different drink, so just go straight to the one for what you want. If you're in a hurry, though, you might pick something less popular, that no one's waiting for."
Over the crowd I could see the drink signs above each window: Coke, Sprite, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer, Hawaiian Punch, Mountain Dew, Guinness... "How long is the Guinness line?" I asked.
He laughed, "That one wraps around the back of the building and trails off into the parking lot outside. I think they're going for a world record or something."
I didn't have time for this guy's jokes, so I asked, "Is there a punch line?"
"Nope."