guinea pig Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious guinea pig puns

Three Little Pigs...

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, 'Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.' So the stick Pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, 'Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!' So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet and threw his sorry ass into the creek. Then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! 'Who the hell were those guys?' they asked. 'Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs.'


A husband and wife go into a pet store...

The husband tells his wife that for her birthday present, the wife can pick out any animal in the store. She takes her time looking at all the different cats, dogs, guinea pigs etc., and isn't particularly fond of any of them.

She eventually sees this large frog in the far corner of the store and immediately falls in love with it and tells her husband, "I have to have this frog." So the husband and wife bring it up to the cashier. Before cashing them out, the cashier says, "I have to warn you before you buy this frog, that there is something very peculiar about him--he gives AMAZING blow jobs." The wife, unfazed, still wants the frog, so the husband buys it for her and they bring the frog home.

Later that night around 2 in the morning, the wife wakes up to some clattering coming from downstairs and finds her husband is not in the bed with her. She hops out of bed and walks downstairs to find out what's going on.

Upon walking downstairs and walking into the kitchen, she finds a mess--pots and pans strewn everywhere in the room. Some filled with strange food concoctions. There is flour spilled everywhere. And then she sees her husband with the frog. She immediately shouts, "What the hell is going on here!?" The husband, turns around and says, "listen, if i can teach this frog to cook, you're outta here."


What doctors really thinking?

- This should be taken care of right away.

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

- Welllllll, what have we here…?

He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

- Let me check your medical history.

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

- We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

- Let me schedule you for some tests.

I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

- I'd like to have my associate look at you.

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

- This may hurt a little.

Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

- This should fix you up.

The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

- I'd like to run some more tests.

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

- There is a lot of that going around.

My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.


What do you call an anorexic Guinea pig?

A skinny pig.


The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails' sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.


A mother brings another hamster home to her son. Excited, he runs to his father and says...

"Papua, New Guinea pig!"


Did you know guinea pigs die after having sex?

... at least the one I shagged did


Guinea Pigs?

I've often wondered what you call a guinea pig who is the first one to try something in his group of friends


How often do guinea pigs have sex?

Once a wheek wheek wheek wheek!


Why would you wrap a guinea pig in saran wrap?

So it doesn't burst when you fuck it.


My doctor says the key to a healthy brain is regular mental exercise.

So every morning I do some star jumps with a guinea pig sellotaped to my nut sack.


How many kilos of Marijuana do you need to kill a guinea pig?


[NSFW] I named my guinea pig awesome...

...because I'm always fucking awesome.


I was a Guinea pig in a new drug trial recently.

Then it wore off and I was a boring old human again


How many babies did the guinea pig have?

I don't know how guinea, but I'm sure it was a pig amount!


What do you call a cop in Italy?

A guinea pig.

OC per my crazy Italian Uncle. All mail should be directed to my ass.


I bought a guinea pig today.

Sorry, Italian-American pig.


Why do you wrap a guinea pig in duct tape?

So it does not burst when you fuck it


Why don't I take my guinea pigs on walksies

It's hard on my cavies


What do you call an Italian cop?

A guinea pig.


I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!


Guinea Pig, in and of it self is not offensive...

I bought my kids a cute Guinea Pig - fine

Your wife is a fat Guinea pig, not so much


It took dozens and dozens of flushes, and a plunger, but...

my guinea pig's funeral is finally over.


What are the most funny Guinea Pig jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Guinea Pig? Well, here are the best Guinea Pig dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Guinea Pig pick up lines to share with friends.


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