Guidance Jokes
26 guidance jokes and hilarious guidance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about guidance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funn guidance jokes. From knock-knock jokes to riddles, we've got the jokes to keep you laughing all day long!
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Funniest Guidance Short Jokes
Short guidance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The guidance humour may include short counseling jokes also.
- My high school guidance counselor told me I'd never become anything as an adult. Jokes on her. I became miserable!
- Why was Obi Wan Kenobi fired from his job as a marriage guidance counsellor? He kept telling people to "use divorce"
- My high school guidance counselor told me I'll always be useless So I became a guidance counselor.
- I told my guidance counselor i want to be a comedian when im older, and she just laughed at me. It's going great so far.
- If you are ever lost in the woods... Just start playing a game of solitaire and someone will appear behind you with guidance on your next move.
- You were there for me when I had my doubts, you always gave me guidance, and you always offered me options. Thanks Google.
- The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.
- I wanted spiritual guidance but all she did was stare at my feet. She was trying to read my sole.
- My Future I have a lot more trust and faith in my guidance counselor's advice after getting an empty fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant.
- A guidance counselor once told me that I would come into my own some day. I've been trying for years, but I'm just not flexible enough.
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Guidance One Liners
Which guidance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with guidance? I can suggest the ones about guide and advice.
- What type of movies can't batman see? Parental Guidance.
- The last time my priest gave me moral guidance He forgot the "m" .
- Never seek the dead for guidance. They give really cryptic advice...
- I always pray to the heavens above to receive the guidance I need. Thanks GPS.
Guidance Counselor Jokes
Here is a list of funny guidance counselor jokes and even better guidance counselor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Spanish guidance counselor tell his students? You have to have gooooooaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllssssssssss!!!!!
- Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers? The only advice he could give them was "rivet, rivet."
Gather Around for Fun Guidance Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about guidance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assistance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make guidance pranks.
h**... used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...
One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
Edit* changed were to are
What did the guidance councilor say to the s**... bomber?
What do you wanna be when you blow up?
Following my wife's guidance, I accepted the biblical command to be moderate in all things.
I struggled. Then I decided to add "moderation" to my list. Now everything seems back to normal.
What are you praying for?
Husband is praying before going to bed ...
Wife: What are you praying for?
Husband: For guidance.
Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!
My guidance counsellor asked what I'd like to do for a living...
I told them I could really see myself cleaning mirrors for a living.
