The Best 50 Guests Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Guests jokes. There are some guests kitchen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these guests invite puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Guests Jokes and Puns

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

A woman scanned the guests at a party...

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?', she asked.
The man replied, 'B. J. Titsengolf''

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

Guests joke, An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

What is the last thing the host of an orgy says to his guests?

Thank you for coming!

Whats your name?

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most...cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen."
"What's your name?" she asks.

The man replies "B.J.......B.J. Titsngolf."


Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.

5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.

What did the host of an orgy say to his guests?

I'm glad you all came!

Guests joke, What did the host of an orgy say to his guests?

Kids at the Wedding

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

Jesus at the last supper

Jesus sits at the Last Supper, beginning to serve his guests.

First, he hands a basket of bread to go around, "These represent my body, and the pain I shall endure for my people."

Next, he begins pouring everyone wine, "This represents my blood, and how I am part of everyone."

He goes to open a jar of mayonnaise, Judas quickly takes it away from him, "Now I'm gonna have to stop you right there."

I work as a guide at a zoo. What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

My wife has some guests over for dinner and she asked me to prepare the table

So I went in and told them all about her cooking

You can explore guests scrumptious reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean guests rooms dad jokes. There are also guests puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I told my husband he really should stop masturbating.

"Why?", he asked

"Because you're making this dinner party REALLY uncomfortable for our guests."

The wife comes home......

The wife comes to home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, twho bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread.

Husband: Are we expecting guests today?

Wife : Nope..

Husband : Then why did you buy so much bread?

My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...

I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.

"A child's observation"

A child's observation: If a mother laughs at dad's jokes, we have guests.

How did Hitler greet his guests?

Please, make yourselves kampfortable

Guests joke, How did Hitler greet his guests?

A husband and wife grow distressed as more and more uninvited guests swarm into their party.

The husband has a plan.

He moves to the front, manages to get everyone's attention, and calls out, "If you're from the groom's side, please stand up."

About one fourth of the guests stands up.

He calls out, "Those from the bride's side, please stand up."

Another one fourth of the guests stands up.

He smiles and says, "If you are standing up, please leave. This is a birthday party."

Husband: Guests are coming tonight.

What's for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."

*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.

* loud sound comes from the kitchen *

Wife: Everything alright, honey?

Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.

When a wife is laughing at her husband's jokes

When a wife is laughing at her husband's jokes, it means they have guests at home.


The wife came home with four cases of beer,

*The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, a litre of vodka, two litres of gin, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread*

*"Are we expecting guests?" He asked.*

*"No," she replied.*

*"Then why did you buy so much bread..!!

The guests in the hotel room I'm cleaning are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...

Dirty bastards!

TIL: A man sued Quiznos after being hospitalized for an allergic reaction when he received another guests sandwich.

woops, wrong sub

My girlfriend was cooking for our guests. She told me to go in and prepare the table.

So I walked in and told them all about her cooking.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Why does a blonde put empty bottles in her fridge?

For guests that aren't thirsty.

I love to watch my guests throw up.

So I always put the dartboard on the ceiling.

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.

"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House

One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.

How does Kim Jong-il greet his guests?

"It's oppressor to meet you"

A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.

When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.

What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge

What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

The Spice Girls reunion tour (with special guests Salt-N-Pepa) was just announced.

It will be called the Allspice Seasonal Tour, presented by Old Spice.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. It's okay. She said. Any Port in a storm.

At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.

It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?

I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.

Everyone then looked at my husband and he said, She's probably right.

Say what you will about cannibals...

...but they're always eager to serve their guests

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

I once knew a guy who would pole vault for his house guests

It was over the top.

What do you call a party featuring John Adams, Alexander Hamilton and co as guests?

A feds era list party.

After being brought to so many weddings by my family I can't wait for my own!

So I know who the guests are!

Or anyone for that matter.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

A guy goes to a fancy dress party and one of the guests says to him what have you come as, and why is your wife on your back?

He replies I'm a tortoise and that's Michelle

Whenever we had guests over, my wife would get embarrassed because I have the mind of a child.

In a jar. On the coffee table. (Credit to Stephen King for this one)

A wife is making deer meat for her guests

A wife is making deer meat for her guests.

They soon arrive and to impress them, she tells them her children can guess what animal the meat belongs to.

She asks her children but they are dumbfounded.

Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of her guests she gives them a hint.

"It's also the nickname I have for your dad."

The children push the plate away and say "I don't wanna eat donkeys"

A woman arrived at a party.

While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men.
Therefore I chose 'Carmen'"

"What's your name? she asked.

He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."

Looks like translating jokes is cool now

Bobby is sitting in his living room in his underwear, and wearing a blazer, when his wife comes in.

 
 

"Bobby why the hell are you wearing a blazer?"

"Well, maybe we'll have guests..."

"Then why don't you have any pants on?"

"Well, maybe we won't."

Sean Connery was very rude to his guests, and treated his driver terribly

I went to his house once and he didn't even offer me a seat. He just kept asking if I wanted to shit on his chauffeur

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."

What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party?

Pot Roast. Ba dum dum

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the guests travelers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working guests attendants piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes