guessing game Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious guessing game puns

A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'

The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'

The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and suck mommy's cock'.

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Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"

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There are two guys sitting in a bar...

....one is American and one is Canadian. They decide to play a drinking game. The American says "I'll think of something hard to guess, you have three questions to ask to try to figure it out." The American thinks "moose cock", and chuckles. The Canadian asks, "Can I eat it?" The American thinks for a moment, and says "yeah I guess you could eat it if you really wanted to." The Canadian then asks "Is it moose cock?

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Guess what it is, Jimmy

A little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.

When it was the new boy, Jimmy's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss and asked him, "Do you know what this is?"

The boy replied, "No."

The teacher said, "Go ahead and open it up and taste it."

He does so and the teacher asked him, "Now do you know what it is?"

Little Jimmy said, "Nooooo."

So the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint...it's something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams "JIMMY, SPIT IT OUT.......IT'S A PIECE OF ASS."

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Finding a striker

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson sends scouts out around the world looking for a new talent to hopefully win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Afghani striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Ferguson flies to Afghanistan to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come to Old Trafford.

Two weeks later Man U are 4-0 down at home to Liverpool with only 20 minutes left to play. Ferguson gives the young Afghan the nod to go on. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Man U. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch the young lad rings his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

"Hi mum guess what?" he says "I played for 20 minutes today and we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans the players and the media, they all love me"

"Great" says his mum "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a good time."

The young lad is very upset "What can I say mum, I'm so sorry"

"Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault that we moved to Manchester in the first place!"

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My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

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One day in Kindergarten Class...

One day in Kindergarten Class, Ms. Johnson decided to teach the children about fruit. She put different fruits into a paper bag and started describing to the kids what fruit she had; the children were then supposed to guess what kind of fruit she had.

To start she reached in and said, "Okay, this fruit is yellow, firm, and curvy."
A little boy, by the name of Johnny who was notorious for giving wrong answers, raises his hand and yells, "Pear!"
Ms. Johnson says, "Nope, it's a banana, but I like your thinking."

She reaches in again and says, "Okay this one's small, red, and has a stem."
The boy raises his hand, even more excitedly than before, and yells, "Cherry!"
She says, "Nope, it's an apple, but I like your thinking."

"Okay, class," She says, "One more fruit: it's big, firm, and has seeds in it."
The little boy is about to piss himself from excitement and yells, "Pumpkin!"
"Nope," she says, "it's a Honeydew, but I like your thinking."

The boy's really pissed off and stands up yelling, "I have a game: I'll reach into my pants and tell you what I find. Okay, it's round, hard, and has a head on it."
Ms. Johnson is outraged and yells, "Johnny, that's DISGUSTING!!!"
He says, "Nope, it's a quarter, but I like your thinking."

I hope this hasn't been posted already :/

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Southern Gas Station Promotion

A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."

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It's a slow day of crime in Metropolis...

...and Superman is bored to tears. So he decides to fly over to Gotham City to see what Batman is up to. He gets to the Batcave to find the Dark Knight underneath the Batmobile.
"Hey, Bruce," he says. "Whatcha up to today? Wanna get a couple beers, maybe watch the game?"
"Sorry man, I can't," Batman replies. "I've got a lot of work I need to do on the Batmobile. I'm gonna be busy all day."
"Well, that sucks," says Superman. "I guess I'll see ya around."
And he flies off to New York City to visit Peter Parker's apartment.
"Hey, Spidey," he says. "Wanna grab a pizza and a couple brewskis?"
"Sorry buddy," says Spiderman. "I've been blowing Maryjane off lately, and I promised I'd take her out tonight."
"Well, damn," says Superman. "I guess I'll see ya around."
So Superman is flying around, bored out of his mind, when he finds himself over Wonder Woman's apartment. Using his x-ray vision, he spies her laying on her bed, butt naked, with her legs up in the air.
"I know what to do," Superman says to himself. "I'll use my super speed to fly through her wall and bang her."
So he flies down there and, in a matter of seconds, he finishes inside her and takes off.
"What the hell was that?" exclaims Wonder Woman.
Then the Invisible Man sits up and says "I don't know but my ass hurts like hell."

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Estonian drinking games.



**First game**
5 Estonians drink 10 bottles of vodka. One of them hides in the closet. The others have do figure out who is in the closet.

**Second game**
3 Estonians drink 3 bottles of vodka and 9 beers. One of them hides in the closet and the others keep on drinking. At the end of the day, they must collectively figure out what happened during the day and why the hell is one of them in the closet.
**Third game** (advanced)
2 Estonians drink 5 bottles of vodka. One of them hides in a closet. The two must figure out which one of them is in the closet. Verbal discussion is allowed.

**Fourth game**
2 Estonians drink 5 bottles of vodka and 4 beers. One of them hides in the closet. The other one has to figure out where the closet is. Verbal discussion is allowed individually.

**Fifth game** (expert)
One Estonian drinks 2 bottles of vodka. He then has to guess whether he is in the closet or not. This is the most difficult version because verbal discussion is not allowed

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A guy and his panda

A guy is driving his pick-up truck through a small town, and he's got a panda in the front seat with him.  The guy spots a police officer, pulls over, and tells the officer he found a panda just walking along the road.  Now the guy is wondering what to do with the panda.  The police officer says, "Well, take it to the zoo, I guess."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the panda again in the front seat.  Both are wearing baseball caps.  The policeman pulls him over and says, "I thought you were going to take that panda to the zoo?" The man replied, "I did...and we had such a good time at the zoo that I took him to a baseball game."

[Long]

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A teacher...

A teacher is playing a guessing game with her students:
"Alright class, I'm thinking of something: it's round, it's red"
An enthusiastic student interrupts
"Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, It's a tomato!"
"No, it's an apple" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
"Let's try again, I'm thinking of something: it's long, it's yellow"
The same student interrupts again "Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, it's a banana!"
"No, it's a pencil" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
Having gotten the hang of the game the student says "Teacher I have one for you, I'm thinking of something: it's in my pants, it's hard, it's got a head on it"
Blushing and embarrassed the teacher shrieks "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!!"
"No teacher its a quarter" he replied "But I like the way you think".

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Old Russian Joke

A father is waiting for his kid to be born in the hospital. He's super nervous, pacing back and forth, cigars in his breast pocket ready to go. After what seems like a several days, a doctor finally walks into the waiting room and asks who's waiting for the baby. The father runs up to the doctor.

Doctor: "You have a baby boy."
Father: "I'm so happy!! I've always wanted a boy! I'm a huge soccer fan and I can't wait to play soccer with my son, go to all his games and watch become a great player!"
Doctor: "I don't know how to tell you this sir, but your son was born without any legs."

The father fights back some tears, but bounces back pretty quickly.

Father: "You know what, that's ok, my wife is a brilliant piano player, and she's always wanted to pass down her love of music to our child. She'll teach him to play beautiful music, we'll go to all his concerts, we'll be so proud of him."

Doctor: "I'm sorry sir, but your son was kind of born without any arms."

Now the father has a much harder time holding back the tears. He takes a minute to collect himself.

Father: "You know, I'm a god fearing man, and I'm sure god had a plan for my son, and I guess that plan has to involve him having a brilliant mind, and he'll solve world problems, and go down in history as one of the great thinkers!"

Doctor: "....sir I don't know quite how to say this, but your son was kind of born without a head."

The father starts to cry and getting really upset.

Father: "Just take me to see my son, I want to see him."

The doctor takes the father down a long hallway, and in this operating room is this gigantic perfect ear.

The father starts sobbing, and through his cries he's speaking to his son,

Father: "Son I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, but I don't want you to worry, we're going to have a great life together, we'll do all the things fathers and sons do."

Then the doctor leans over to the father and says,

Doctor: "You have to speak up, he can't hear well."


There you have it. Good ol' russian humor. 30 dick punches, and then a tasteful nut tap. Hope you enjoyed this episode of Old Russian Joke.

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Me and my German girlfriend were this game of ours.

She had to guess how many fingers I had up her pussy. I really must be a pro because I started with two fingers but she kept screaming "Nine!"

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A couple get given some brand new flavoured condoms to use...

They get home after enjoying some alcoholic beverages and decide to play a game.

The husband says to his wife "how about I put one of these new condoms on, you give it a bit of a suck and try and guess the flavour?".

The wife nodded in agreement.

They take off their clothes, jump onto the bed and begin their game.

The wife tenderly begins to give her husband a blowjob, and blurts out

"Oh that one is cheese and onion easily."

The husband replies

"I haven't even put one on yet..."

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Kinky old coupld (NSFW)

Grandpa and Grandma have been married for about 40 years.
Their sexual life is not what it used to be and Grandma wants to fix the situation.
While reading a magazine she comes across an advertising for flavored condoms.
She goes to her local pharmacy and buys a whole bunch of different flavors. She buys apple, pear, peach etc.
At night, in the privacy of their bedroom, she tells Grandpa she wants to spice things up and gives him the bag of condoms.
She tells him that they will play a guessing game, she will turn the lights off, he will put a condom on and she will suck and guess the flavor.
Grandpa agrees.
She turns the light off, counts to 3 and sucks.
"Cheddar!" she screams
"Wait, wait I haven't put the condom on!" - Grandpa screams

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I heard that Battlefront II removed microtransactions.

I guess you can say the game is Crystal clear.

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My boss has some winners, but I always get a chuckle from this one. (Pretty Long)

A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to talk? Would you let me drink for free?" The bartender quickly rebuts. "A talking dog? Sure, why not" So the man looks to his dog and asks Ol' Scruffy; "Scruffy! Tell this barkeep what keeps this bar dry during rainy days" "Ruff!" the dog says. The bartender, now frustrated, says "Ok Pal, Where's my $3.50?" The man waves him off and explains that Scruffy is merely jesting and orders another shot, which the bartender pours and watches the shot disappear. "Ok Scruffy, who is the greatest baseball player that has ever played the game?" "Ruff!" The dog replies with a wagging tail. The bartender now gets fed up with the man and his "talking" dog and throws them to the street. The man gets up, wipes his face and looks to Scruffy. Scruffy looks up and says "Well, I guess I should have said Joe DiMaggio"

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"Ok children, lets play a guessing game..."

"Ok Jimmy", said Ms. Par, " I have something behind my back that is round, orange and is a piece of fruit, what is it?"
"That's easy" says Jimmy, "Its an orange!"
"Nope, its a tangerine, but it shows you're thinking."
Jimmy holds up his hand and says " Ok Ms. Par, I have one for you." the kid reaches into his front pocket and says, "In my hand is something stiff, with a red tip and is about one inch long. What is it?"
"JIMMY!!!!!" exclaims the teacher
The kid smiles, takes his hand out of his pocket and says
"Nope, its a match.... But it shows your thinking!"

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There is a game show where the person who pees the farthest wins. Guess the name of the game show.

" Urine It To Win It "

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My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's...

I guess that was my Gateway drug.

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Steve goes to prison for the first time

He is walked to his cell, where he's greeted by a mountain of a man.

The cell mate introduces himself as Big Dave, and tells him he'd like to play a game of mommy and daddy.

"So, do you want to be mommy or daddy?"

Steve thinks about it for a bit, and decides that being daddy is probably the safer choice.

"I guess I'll be daddy."

"Ok daddy, come over here and suck mommy's dick."

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Jake and Dennis were joking it up and getting drunk at the football game... [nsfw-ish...I guess]

...when Jake turned around and thought he saw a woman sitting about ten rows behind them with her legs spread open and black pubic hair showing deep between them.

"Jesus, God, Dennis, get a load of that broad back there with her pussy hairs showing!"

Dennis craned around and focused on the woman.

"You're a drunk mess of a skunk's asshole, Jake. Them ain't pussy hairs, them's black lace panties."

"Pussy hairs."
"Black lace panties."
"Pussy hairs!"
"Black lace panties!"

Well they decided to wager a week's pay on their opinions and that Jake, since he had seen her first and was the one most likely to make it up to the beer concession and back, should do just that and get a closer look between the woman's legs as he passed. When he came back he sat down looking a little green around the gills.

"Well, did I win?" asked Dennis. "Is it black lace panties?"

"Nope."

"Oh shit, you mean them's pussy hairs?"

"Nope."

"Well, if it ain't black lace panties and it ain't pussy hairs, what is it?"

"Flies."

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How old am I going to be, daddy?

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Eagles game.
Daddy, she whispered, tugging at my sleeve. Guess how old I'm going to be next month .
I don't know, beauty, I said as I slipped on my glasses. How old?
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is now 7:30 in the morning. My wife and I have been up with her for nearly 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

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Mother Teresa joke

So a man gets onto a celebrity games how called celebrity 20 questions. Each contestant gets paired up with a celebrity from the panel and each round you are given a word and you must get your celebrity to guess what it is. It's his turn and the host announces he's been teamed up with Mother Teresa. He thinks to himself "Alright, not bad. She's really old and wise. This should be cake."

Then he gets his word and it's FAT DICK.

He thinks to himself, "Fuck! I can't get mother Teresa to say fat dick. Even if I could it would mean I'm going to hell.... Ugh, But I REALLY NEED THE MONEY!"

He decides to give it his best shot.

Mother Teresa asked her first question.

"Can you eat it?"

The man thinks... "Well, kind of"


Mother Teresa asks without hesitation -
"Is it a FAT DICK?"

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What's the most popular game at a nursing home?

Guess who

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Flavoured Condoms: A joke from a 77 year old man I know

A man comes home with a box of flavoured condoms and says to his wife,

"We should play a game where I go in the bedroom, turn off the light, and I'll put one of these condoms on. Then you can come in and try guess the flavour!"

The wife excitedly agrees, waits a minute, then follows her husband in the bedroom. She jumps on the bed, and puts his penis in her mouth and exclaims,

"It's gorgonzola!" To which her husband replies,

"I haven't put it on yet...."

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We Played the Guessing Game

Mom: What did you do at school today?

Mark: We played a guessing game.

Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam?

Mark: That's right.

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What was Hitler's favourite drinking game?

Guess the juice.

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A blonde, brunette, and red head are trapped on an cliff...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are trapped on a cliff with a magic genie. The genie says, "I want to play a game. You each run, jump off the cliff and say something to get you off the cliff alive." so the brunette runs, jumps and says " I wish I was an airplane!" so she turned into an airplane and flew away. Then the redhead decides to go. She runs, jumps of the cliff and says " I wish I was a bird!" so she turned into a bird and flew away. Then the blonde says "I guess it's my turn." so she begins to run, trips on a rock and says "oh shit..."

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Did you hear that they removed some Monopoly game pieces?

I guess they were thimbles of an older time.

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My friends say i'm really bad at bullseye.

Guess im just missing the point of the game

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I was so excited when I heard that they had turned Guess Who in to a computer game, but they only released it for Macs

They couldn't make a PC version

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Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature??

I guess it's too grue-some.

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Before Wolfestein was pitched, making a video game about Hitler winning WW2 was my idea.

Though I guess Bethesda didn't like my idea of a game called *Nazi Simulator 1992*

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What are the most funny Guessing Game jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Guessing Game? Well, here are the best Guessing Game dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Guessing Game pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes