Guess What Love Jokes
87 guess what love jokes and hilarious guess what love puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about guess what love that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Guess What Love Short Jokes
Short guess what love jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The guess what love humour may include short hey guess what jokes also.
- I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
- My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19 I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome
- Who loves you more, your wife or your dog? Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?
- My girlfriend left me for telling too many bad jokes... I guess her love was pun-conditional.
- I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
- Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies".. Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.
- I got a black eye from my wife just for explaining how much I love her… I guess she just MissHeard me.
- Me and my girlfriend bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice up our love life... ... I just can't seem to fit it inside her. Shouldn't have gotten the hardcover version I guess.
- I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect. I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.
- I love cheese. One of my closest friends love selling me some of his. Guess you can say he is my quesa-dealer.
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Guess What Love One Liners
Which guess what love one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with guess what love? I can suggest the ones about surprise love and guess what happened.
- Einstein's second wife was his cousin ... ... so I guess sometimes love is relative.
- Jesus loves all children. I guess that's where the priests get it from.
- Black people love boom boxes. I guess it's just their stereo type..
- I guess hipsters love living in London Maybe it's just the underground
- I really prefer how love used to be.... I guess you could call me a retrosexual.
- Guess who loves daylights savings time? Dan Auerbach
- I really love female protagonists... I guess you could say I'm a heroine addict.
- I love storing music on a computer. I guess you could say I'm an audiophile.
Happy Guess What Love Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about guess what love you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guess what chicken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make guess what love pranks.
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-a**... student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, **'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'**
(If you guys started putting punchlines in bold I'd love ya forever)
A child was born without a body...
The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".
olimpic condoms
The husband comes home and tells his wife : "honey, i got some olimpic condoms !" the wife asks: "olimpic? what do you mean by that?" "Yeah..olimpic. they come in 3 different colors: gold, silver and bronze. And guess what ? Tonight i think of wearing the gold ones !" to which the wife replies: "Honey..could you please wear the silver ones?! I'd love for you to finish second.."
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now..
First post: unconditional love test
Lock your wife/husband in the trunk of your car for an hour, then your dog. Guess who's still happy to see you...
chicken, pork and beef
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :
Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :
They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.
Man: I want to thank you. I am a genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you both 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 wish for myself.
Tom: I want a billion dollars!
Wife: I want a house in every country of the world. ??
Genie: Done. Done.
Tom : And what is your wish genie?
Genie: Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.
Tom said: Emm Ok! You're getting us a lot of money. I guess I don't mind. ??
The genie took the wife upstairs and slept with her for two hours.
After it was over he asked her: How old is your husband?
Wife answers: 35.
Genie: Really? And he still believes in genie stories
Valentine Cards
Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asked Mike.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
probably won't get him laid
A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: "Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow." she said while winking at him.
"Yes, I guess I did." came his reply.
"Who are you?", she asked. "Cupid throwing love arrows?"
"No, I'm Legolas killing orcs"
Roger and Jenny on their wedding night . . .
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I've been here already tonight?'
Hopefully this translates well into English..
A man is sitting on a park bench reading a book called "Logic" and another man walking past sits down beside him and asks what logic means..
The man reading the book asks, "Well, do you have an aquarium at home?"
"Yes! I do!"
"So I'm guessing you have fish in your aquarium?"
"I do!"
"And if you have fish in your aquarium, I'm guessing you like animals..?"
"Yes, I like animals!"
"And if you like animals, I would say you like people as well?"
"Yes, I like I people.."
"And if you like people, I guess you like women too?"
"Oh yes, I LOVE women!"
"Well there you go, that's what logic is!"
The man contemplates the answer he received and is satisfied with it and is about to get up to leave, when he asks: "What would've happened if I said that I didn't have an aquarium at home?"
The man on the bench thinks to himself for a minute and answers, "Well, you would've obviously been gay then".
Two blondes with horses...
Two blonds who loved horse riding had been begging their parents to get them a horse each for a long time, and in the end the parents give in.
The two blonds wants to be able to distinguish which horse belongs to whom.
The first blonde says: "Let's cut off the tail off on one of the horses, that way we can tell the difference!"
They agree, and proceed to do so, however after a week the tail has grown back out, and they agree they need a more permanent solution.
The other blonde suggests: "Let's shave all the hair off one horse"
They do so, but they encounter the excact same problem that the hair grows back out really fast.
After a while of brainstorming one of the blondes says: "I guess we will have to sell one of them and get another"
The second blonde says: "Which one should we sell? The black or the white one?"
My parents are both bisexual, but I never really felt loved or wanted around the house.
I guess I am a bit of a by-product.
My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri.
I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company.
3 pregnant woman....
Three pregnant women are sitting around a table discussing their pregnancies. The first one says, "I eat so many dills, my baby is gonna love pickles."
The second woman says, "My baby is gonna love cheese, I eat swiss by the block!"
The first two mothers stare at the third waiting for her say what her baby will love. After a long pause she says, "I guess I'm going to have a gay son."
Some things make Italian mothers telepathic
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, 'Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.' The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch & they chat for a while.
He then says, 'Okay, Mama, guess which one I'm going to marry?'
Mama says immediately, 'The one on the right. '
'That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know? '
Mama replies: 'I don't like her.'
I lost my phone when it was on vibrate
I guess if I loved it so much I should have put a ring on it
I don't think I could ever fall in love with a midget...
I don't think I could ever fall in love with a midget.
But I guess it's better to fall in love with a small person, than not a tall.
My girlfriends 2 year old nephew loves trucks. His first word was truck. He points at every truck he sees and talks about trucks in his sleep.
I guess you could day he's semi crazy
At the post office....
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
My sister was in love with a Mexican guy. She wanted him to marry her but he went home to Mexico...
... I guess he's the Juan that got away.
DENTIST: I guess we should stop this now. Your husband's getting suspicious.
PATIENT: But we love each other!
DENTIST: I know. But we're running out of reasons. You only have 1 tooth left.
I am a heathen. I like burning bibles and defiling the name of God. But also I genuinely love giving to charity and always try to be as honest as I can.
I guess that I am just very sincere.
Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....
....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.
I hired a Chinese p**...
She showed up 3 hours early, I guess she wanted to love me rong time.
The bible says...
to love one another as you love yourself, but you can't just go around jacking everybody off so I guess the bible is wrong!
Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.
I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.
A woman tells her husband she was diagnosed with cancer.
Her husband tells he's very sad and sorry for her. Once they get to bed, the wife asks:
'Honey, when I'll be... dead, will you marry someone else?' The husband thinks for a while. 'No.'
'Why not? Don't you like being married?' 'If you want me to, then yes.' 'Will she sleep in my part of the bed?' she asks mournfully. 'I guess she will.' answers the husband. 'Will you replace all my photos?' 'Of course not, I'll keep the ones I love most.' 'Will she drive my car?' 'No, she doesn't have a driver's licence.'
I'm a psychology student and I love it
I guess it's true that if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life
So, an elementary teacher in Chicago is on her first day at the job...
To get to know her students, she asks "Hey, which of you guys love the White Sox?" and everyone but one of her students exitedly raises their hands.
So she asks the single student why he doesn't love the White Sox. And the kid replies "Uh, I dunno... my mother was a cheerleader for the Cubs, and my dad played for them, and they met that way... so, of course I love them?".
And the teacher says "Oh. But you don't have to love a team because of your parents. If your father was a random p**... and your mother was some crack-w**...?".
"I guess then I'd be a White Sox fan...".
I like guys and girls but still can't find anyone to love
I guess it's meant for me to be all bi-myself
I saw biggish girl at the pub last night,
Her t shirt said "watch out I'm a man eater!"
I went up to her and said " excuse me, love ... About your t shirt slogan."
She interrupted me and angrily snapped " oh let me guess: you want to know how many man I've eaten? Well, you know what, I can't help my size."
I said "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all. "
She looks happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you what to say then?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
My friend loves monorails. His greatest wish is to drive one.
I guess he's got a one-track mind...
I love watching the World Cup
but, until recently, I guess the only team that didn't know how to dive was from Thailand.
A brother and sister fell in love and got married....
Guess you could say they were made for each other.
So, a guy and his mother went to visit his father's grave...
Mother: Son, before your father passed away, he apologized for not being able to be around watching you grow. He said he will always love you even when he's no more. He really meant it.
Son: I guess he was dead serious about it.
\*giggling sound from the grave
I love this i**... liquor I brought back from Europe.
I guess Absinthe really does make the heart grow fonder.
I really Loved the Orca Show at SeaWorld....
I guess you can say I had a Whale Of a Good time.
My w**... dog gave me the cold shoulder for months before it finally started to show a little warmth and love.
I guess that's what the breeder meant when he said she was a daschshundere.
They say love is always around the corner
I guess that's why they call it the Circle of Life
Lincoln loved the opera more than almost everything else... I guess you could say...
It's to die for.
Oh you know the singer of What is Love ?
I guess you could say he Haddaway with the ladies
Sometimes I like to rub cheese all over my body before making love, other times I enjoy eating cheese during s**....
Guess you could say they're my feta-shes.
A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
What are you? asks the cat. I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you? The cat thinks for a moment and says, I guess i'm a gnome.
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
I'm in love with a woman called Clairy but I married her sister, Lorraine. I always felt too guilty to cheat on my wife, but here's the thing- she's just left me. So, I guess...
...I can see Clairy now Lorraine has gone.
A Gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy.
I just love mischief!
And what, may I ask, creature are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says,
"I guess I'm a gnome."
A zero-score in Tennis is called Love after the French word l'oeuf which means 'egg' after the shape of the number.
I guess you could say having zero points in tennis gives people le oof.
My sister always prefers taking the stairs, but I love taking the elevator.
I guess... we are raised differently.
A non-Muslim guy and a Muslim woman are deeply in love
Guy converts to Islam and marries her.
Law says guy has to study Islam too.
Guy goes to a one-week Islamic c**... course.
Guy finds out something new and says to his wife:
"Baby, guess who can have four wives now?"
A man was chatting with his friend.
\-"Guess what happened! I found this woman tied to the railroad tracks. I untied her, and then we made love all night!"
\-"That's amazing dude! What did she look like?"
\-"I don't know, I never found her head."
My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.
He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.
After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses
I guess you could say those... companies love misery
The Italian Mother
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is
going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?"
Mama says immediately, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know?"
Mama replies: "I don't like her."
How to impress women
A guy walks into a bar carrying a couple of axes and orders a beer. "What've ya got there?" the bartender asks. "Oh, these are some of my new axes I bought online," the guy says. "I order them in from countries overseas. I just love how they smell." "Well, that's all fine and good, I guess. But why did you bring them to the bar?" the bartender asks. "To be honest I was hoping to meet women," the guy replies. "I hear they love foreign axe scents."
How to make money off Valentine's Day
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer. He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
I love to make lists.
I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list when I'm at the store.
My dogs only like me when I turn on the AC
I guess that's what they call, *airconditional love*.
A buddy of mine recently invested in a friend's dental practice and it just paid off big-time.
"So I guess that makes you...a denture capitalist now, eh?"
That's it. I'm done. Only downhill from here.
EDIT: showed my wife the comments and she muttered something under her breath about divorce. I love this sub.
