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Guess Jokes

198 guess jokes and hilarious guess puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about guess that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Want to add a smile to your day? Laugh along to our collection of guess jokes - from easy to hard-to-guess riddles, let us help you speculate on what the chicken has to do with it. Hmm, can you presume the punchline? Find out now!

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Funniest Guess Short Jokes

Short guess jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The guess humour may include short predict jokes also.

  1. Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
  2. Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
  3. A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
    'Not that many!'
  4. In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad I guess it will be 5050

  5. My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
  6. In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess we're just raised differently.
  7. I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked postman — can you help? She said, Sure. How many letters?
    Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.
  8. I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... Independent
  9. I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family. They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
    I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.
  10. So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

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Guess One Liners

Which guess one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with guess? I can suggest the ones about estimate and hint.

  1. I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
  2. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
  3. Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex? My ex.
  4. What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
  5. I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
  6. What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess
  7. I witnessed the break up of an obese couple I guess they didn't work out.
  8. My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr
  9. My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats. Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.
  10. I dated a blind girl and she broke up with me. Guess who's back with a different voice
  11. Did you hear about the stolen Tesla? I guess now it's an Edison
  12. I proposed to my girlfriend at the gym and she said "no." I guess it didn't workout.
  13. My doctor said diarrhea is hereditary. I guess it runs in your genes
  14. I never got school shooter jokes Guess they're aimed at a younger audience.
  15. Guess who woke up to 23 missed calls from their Ex ? My Ex.

Guess Who Jokes

Here is a list of funny guess who jokes and even better guess who puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
  • My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg's cereals... I guess you could say his job is Raisin Bran awareness.
  • Last week, My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her Wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
  • My girlfriend left me because I'm insecure. Oh wait, she's back. I guess she just went to the grocery store.
  • So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.. But guess who came crawling back!!?!
  • Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait
  • My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data. I guess the N's justify the means.
  • I told god a Holocaust joke. He didn't laugh. after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".
  • As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
  • What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there.

Let Me Guess Jokes

Here is a list of funny let me guess jokes and even better let me guess puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I don't hear people talk about beyblade anymore.. Guess they've just let it r.i.p.
  • I believe every child should be given a chance... ...and that's why if they can guess the number I'm thinking of, I'll let them go...
  • I tried to cheer my mentally challenged friend up... ...but I guess I shouldn't have said "Don't let an extra chromosome get you down."
  • Last night i was in bed with my girlfriend, she said "turn the light out and put it in me!" It was still hot! Guess I should have let the bulb cool down first!
  • Let's play Clue: Royal Edition I'm guessing Charles, with a pillow, in the bedroom.
  • I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart
  • I got fired from my job for assuring my clients that I will never let them down I guess being an elevator operator isn't my forte
  • I stopped using my Bayblades I guess I.... let them RIP
  • A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck... Bar tender looks at him and says, "I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."
  • So, this fortune teller came in to buy a sweatshirt, but we were out of her size... Let me guess. She's a medium?
Guess joke, So, this fortune teller came in to buy a sweatshirt, but we were out of her size...

Guess What Happened Jokes

Here is a list of funny guess what happened jokes and even better guess what happened puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My grandfather handed me an antique clock, but it was missing its minute hand and hour hand I guess that's what happens when you get a second hand clock
  • My plan for tomorrow is to get some new glasses After that I guess I'll just see what happens
  • I've had my gym subscription for 4 months now and nothing has changed Guess I'll have to go there personally and see what's happening
  • a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven? the dark knight rises.
  • A man steals and crashes a train and is then given the electric chair, but nothing happens. guess he was a bad conductor
  • Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer? Guess knot
  • A German man was hitting on my sister-in-law... I told her "He wants to put his wiener in your schnitzel."
    She replied "Not happening, I guess he'll be stroganoff."
  • A blind man is being interviewed about an experimental procedure to restore his sight A reporter asks him what he thinks will happen.
    The blind man responds, I don't know, I guess I'll see.
  • It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions
  • I've been getting in touch with my inner self recently... ...but I guess that's just what happens when you get single ply toilet paper.

Guess What Love Jokes

Here is a list of funny guess what love jokes and even better guess what love puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
  • My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19 I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome
  • Who loves you more, your wife or your dog? Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?
  • My girlfriend left me for telling too many bad jokes... I guess her love was pun-conditional.
  • Einstein's second wife was his cousin ... ... so I guess sometimes love is relative.
  • I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
  • Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies".. Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.
  • I got a black eye from my wife just for explaining how much I love her… I guess she just MissHeard me.
  • Me and my girlfriend bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice up our love life... ... I just can't seem to fit it inside her. Shouldn't have gotten the hardcover version I guess.
  • I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect. I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.

Hard To Guess Jokes

Here is a list of funny hard to guess jokes and even better hard to guess puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
  • I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard. I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.
  • An anti vaxxer tried the 10 year challenge... I guess it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard
  • I live in the United States. Upon taking some classes in France I notice a gorgeous bombshell pass me. I check her out hard. I guess you could say I was really studying a broad.
  • I'm a huge fan of ALL of Bruce Willis's work. I've seen every movie he's in. I guess you can say.. I'm a Die Hard fan.
  • I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it but I guess old habits dye hard.
  • The Nuns robes The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.
  • I asked a German mathematician if he would tell me what the square root of 81 is. He said "*nein!*" and walked off. Guess that one was too hard for him.
  • I live in a house between a crack den and a brothel. I guess you could say i'm between a rock and a hard place.
  • How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Take a guess, it's not hard.
Guess joke, How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?

Humorous Guess Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about guess you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forecast jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make guess pranks.

I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"

I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home

I guess he's homeless.

When 2 people have s**... it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

If s**... with three people is called a t**... and s**... with four people is called a f**..., I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid

Guess that makes it Priustoric

Saw a h**... on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas

I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

A guy takes his date to the carnival...

....and asks his date what she wants to do. She replies "I want to get weighed." So he takes her to the Guess Your Weight booth and continue their date.
They go on a few more rides and again he asks her what she wants to do. "I wanna get weighed" she says once again. So they get her weighed again and go one a few more rides and then he takes her home.
When she gets home, her mother asks her how her date went.
She replied, "Wousy"

Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..

So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

So, I brought my girlfriend some flowers today...

she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"
hahahahaha
just kidding...
I don't have a girlfriend

Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"

Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks what he'll have.
The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."

A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.

Just found out I was dating a c**...

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

A p**... walked up to me and said, "I'll do anything you want if you give me $30"

Guess who's getting his porch repainted!

Today I saw this absolutely stunning color that I've never seen before! It was indescribable, but when I blinked, it disappeared.

I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

My lesbian GF and I s**... at saving

Guess we need to stop eating out

Met a p**... who said she'll do anything for $50...

Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

I went to fill up my tires and it cost a dollar.

It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Guess who's no longer a 24 year old v**......

...i turned 25 yesterday.

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.
The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.
The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a c**....
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a c**... allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of d**..., and gives you a sense of security while being s**....

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

My girlfriend told me I was disgusting for l**... the bowl after I finished.

I guess she's used to most people just flushing.

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

I guess you could say it was bread in captivity

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...

My neighbor just got arrested for growing m**....

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

Saw a h**... on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales.

A bear walks in to a bar and says, I'll have a gin and..........tonic. The bartender asks, Why the big pause? The bear looks down for a second and says, I don't know,

I guess I was just born this way.

A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...

Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I p**...!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you p**..., go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your p**...?
He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.
"Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses.
"How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours.
She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

Guess joke, So I did some research...

jokes about guess