Guess Jokes

Following is our collection of presume humor and conjecture one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Guess puns for adults, dirty guess who jokes or clean guessing game gags for kids.

There is an abundance of assumption jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on guess. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any girlfriend witze you can hear about guess.

The Best jokes about Guess

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

I never understood school shooting jokes

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back


A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!'

'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?

My ex.

In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050



My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...

I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am....

Independent


My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...

Met a prostitute who said she'll do anything for $50...

Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...

Fishermen hate himβ€”you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

I told god a Holocaust joke. He didn't laugh.

after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".

Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.


The sky above looked ominous, so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain again today?!"

It replied, "It is and don't call me Shirley!"

Guess I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode…

As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.

I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

Guess who's no longer a 24 year old virgin...

...i turned 25 yesterday.

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."

Oh, no, the new mother thinks.Β He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

Not bad, she thinks.Β I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"

"DeNephew."

Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..

So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid

Guess that makes it Priustoric

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats.

I guess I should really get off Tumblr

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.

The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.

The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.

So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.

A guy takes his date to the carnival...

....and asks his date what she wants to do. She replies "I want to get weighed." So he takes her to the Guess Your Weight booth and continue their date.

They go on a few more rides and again he asks her what she wants to do. "I wanna get weighed" she says once again. So they get her weighed again and go one a few more rides and then he takes her home.

When she gets home, her mother asks her how her date went.

She replied, "Wousy"

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home

I guess he's homeless.

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats.

Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas

I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19

I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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