The Best 65 Guess Jokes

Following is our collection of Guess jokes which are very funny. There are some guess conjecture jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these guess guessing game puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Guess Jokes and Puns

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

I never understood school shooting jokes

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!'

'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'


Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?

My ex.

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home

I guess he's homeless.

You can explore guess presume reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean guess guess who dad jokes. There are also guess puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid

Guess that makes it Priustoric

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas

I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.


I told god a Holocaust joke. He didn't laugh.

after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".

A guy takes his date to the carnival...

....and asks his date what she wants to do. She replies "I want to get weighed." So he takes her to the Guess Your Weight booth and continue their date.

They go on a few more rides and again he asks her what she wants to do. "I wanna get weighed" she says once again. So they get her weighed again and go one a few more rides and then he takes her home.

When she gets home, her mother asks her how her date went.

She replied, "Wousy"

Fishermen hate himβ€”you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats.

I guess I should really get off Tumblr

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..

So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"

As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am....

Independent

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."

Oh, no, the new mother thinks.Β He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

Not bad, she thinks.Β I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"

"DeNephew."

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

Met a prostitute who said she'll do anything for $50...

Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Guess who's no longer a 24 year old virgin...

...i turned 25 yesterday.

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.

The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.

The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.

I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.

My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats.

Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050



My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...

My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19

I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome

My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

A bear walks in to a bar and says, I'll have a gin and..........tonic. The bartender asks, Why the big pause? The bear looks down for a second and says, I don't know,

I guess I was just born this way.

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?

He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

A guy takes a girl on a date to the county fair...

When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".

This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"

She replies "*sigh* wousy"

So Betsy DeVos resigned...

I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.

I bought a trampoline for my son on his birthday but i guess he didn't like it

he's just sitting in his wheelchair crying. kids these days are so ungrateful.

I walked up to a woman in the store the other day and said "36C"

She proceeded to slap my face and said "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

My response was "Why the hell would you wear a shirt that says Guess?!"

My mother owned a massage company, and I took her place once she retired.

I guess it rubbed off on me.

A heart was caught stealing a Honda

I guess you could say he was under cardiac arrest

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...

Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,

roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"

After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!

They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..

and that's when you raise your arms and exclaim, "It's a ***TIE***!!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the guess assumption jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working guess girlfriend piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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