Guarded Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...

So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.

Stupid joke my dad told me when I was a kid, never forgot it.

So, the story goes that there was this town that had a big red lever in the middle of the town square. The lever, if pulled, would destroy the world. Because of this the lever was heavily guarded at all times. Here is where we introduce a man in that town. His name was Nate. Nate grew up around that lever his whole life. He had wondered his whole life if it actually worked or if it was just some elaborate hoax. So one day, Nate decided to try to pull the lever. Nate ran for the lever and was quickly shot down. I mean, it was better Nate than lever. *ba dum tiss*

You're in a heavily guarded room with walls all around you, and you only have a mirror and a table. How do you get out?

You look in the mirror, you see what you saw.
You take the saw, you cut the table in half.
Two halves make a whole, put the hole in the wall.
You talk with the guards until your voice gets hoarse, you get on the horse and ride away.

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are asleep, whereas when the driver's driving, all the passengers are praying hard.''

*Told by our tour guide in Israel, don't mind the mediocre translation.*

Bunch of mainly old rich white folks gathered in a big fancy room guarded by armed guards to discuss about coloured people

So how was Oscars y'all?

Three nuns die and get to the gate of heaven...

..guarded by st. Petrus. He says: in order to enter the gates of heaven, each of you have to answer a question to prove your knowledge about the holy father and his reign. So he asks the first nun: who was he first man on earth? She answers: oh, that's an easy one! It was adam.

And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.

So st. Petrus asks the second nun: who was the first woman on earth? She answers: oh, thats an easy one! It was eve.

And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.

And st. Petrus asks the third nun: what was the first thing that eve said to adam?
She answers: oh... Thats a hard one!

And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.

What are the funniest guarded jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Guarded? Well, here are the best Guarded puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Guarded pick up lines to share with friends.


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