Grumpy Jokes
66 grumpy jokes and hilarious grumpy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grumpy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you feeling a little grumpy? Get some much needed relief with these hilarious grumpy jokes! We include jokes about grumpy old men and women, grumpy cats, grumpy husbands and wives and much more! Check out these grumpy jokes and turn your sullen mood into a happy one!
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Funniest Grumpy Short Jokes
Short grumpy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grumpy humour may include short disgruntled jokes also.
- My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"
- What do you call a happy cow? Laughing stock.
What do you call a grumpy cow?
A Feminist - Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
- Snow White and the 7 Dwarves were all in bed feeling happy Happy left soon afterwards, so they started feeling grumpy
- The 7 dwarfs were all in bed feeling happy Happy got out and they all started feeling grumpy
- Once upon a time... The Seven Dwarves were all taking a bath and feeling happy. Happy got out, so they all felt grumpy.
- Seven dwarves... sitting in a bath and they all felt happy.
Happy got out and they all felt grumpy. - Why was the vampire so grumpy? Too much B negative.
- I get really grumpy when the work canteen has Soylent Green on the menu. I'm really not a people person.
- Haiku: A prince was grumpy Grumpy was feeling Happy
The prince was happy
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Grumpy One Liners
Which grumpy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grumpy? I can suggest the ones about grumbles and crusty.
- 7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy
- Almost every morning, I wake up grumpy... ...but sometimes, I let her sleep.
- Why is the moon so grumpy? It's just going through one of its phases.
- I didn't wake up grumpy today I let her sleep in.
- I woke up grumpy this morning That was a mistake, I should've just let her sleep
- I used to wake up grumpy Now I just let her sleep in
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy Other times I let her sleep.
- Snow White was in bed, feeling Happy Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Most of the time I let her sleep.
- what did the grumpy British man use to scare kids off his lawn? A "sod off" shotgun
- What did the happy cereal say to the grumpy cereal? Why can't you be more cheery yo
- What did the happy pebble say to the grumpy mountain? You need an altitude change!
- What do you call a loaf of grumpy bread? Sourdough!
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy.... But usually I just let her sleep.
- Why are older people grumpy? I'd be heated too that many times around the sun.
Grumpy Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny grumpy man jokes and even better grumpy man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What was the grumpy man's favourite food? Angus Burger.
- What's the difference between a grumpy man and a grumpy couch One is a pleasure to sit on :)
Grumpy Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny grumpy wife jokes and even better grumpy wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife was grumpy last night. I didn't"t mind. I quite like being Snow White.
Uproarious Grumpy Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about grumpy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean angry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grumpy pranks.
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican...
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican
and because they are the seven dwarfs,
they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope,
'What can I do for you?'
Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency,
but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question,
thinks for a moment and answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome ...'
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares,
silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship,
are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'
The Pope, puzzled now,
again thinks for a moment and then answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe ...
'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them
with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'
The Pope, really confused by the questions says,
'I'm sorry, my son,
there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world.'
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap,
rolling and laughing, pounding the floor,
tears rolling down their cheeks,
as they begin chanting......
'Grumpy s**... a penguin!'
'Grumpy s**... a penguin!'
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
A series of cow jokes
Q: What do you call a sleeping cow?
A: A bull-dozer
Q: How does a farmer count his cows?
A: With a cowculator
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work
Q: Why don't cows have money?
A: The farmers milk them dry
Q: What's a grumpy cow called?
A: Moooody
Drunk...
A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.
After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.
He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"
The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"
"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...
At first i was feeling a little grumpy,
Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful.
I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs
What do you call a grumpy German?
A sour k**....
New Years resolution
Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution
An elderly woman appears in court for stealing
A can of peaches from the grocery store. The judge asks "how many peaches were in that can?" To which she replied "about 6 your honor."
"Very well then. 6 days in detention for you. I hope you've learned your lesson." When you suddenly hear her grumpy husband in the crowd "she also stole a can of peas!!"
Woman can't get mating dogs apart
A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.
She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw.
Do you think that will work? she asked.
Just worked for me, he replied.
So I threw a lamp on my grumpy friend...
... and told him to brighten the f**k up!
A man walks into a bar
He sat down next to a grumpy looking guy.
He asks: What's the deal? What happend?
The guy replies: It has been a rough time for me, you know. My wife left me and took the house, the car, all my money and the kids, so i just lost my job and my friends don't support me.
The first man says: Thats horrible, there is no way it could get worse, is there?
He answers: There is, she came back
A new comprehensive study found that only ~14.3% of dwarves are Happy
The study went on to show that the rest of them are Grumpy, Sleepy, d**..., Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc.
Why are old Chinese women so grumpy?
Because of the euthanasia
10 september 2001
The child of Bin Laden comes home grumpy. His dad asks him "what happened?". "Today I got an F in geography class". "And what did she ask you?". "What's the tallest building from New York and I said Empire State Building". "Eh, don't cry over it, I'll take care of that for you."
Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.
She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."
I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"
She sarcastically said " of course it would help"
So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"
I said "Yes please!"
"How much?" She asked
I said "£18.97"
Today I happily walked through a forest, singing a little song, as suddenly an evil sorcerer walked up and told my he'd turn me into a dwarf because I woke him up with my noise.
Now I feel kinda grumpy.
What did the grumpy sheep say at Christmas?
Baaaa humbug.
Mom sends her son out to play fetch with the dog. 5 minutes later both the son and the dog are back inside, looking grumpy.
"What happened?" Asks the mom.
"We lost the ball." says the boy.
"Oh no, where?" The dog replies: "Roof, roof"
Stunned, the mother says, "Did the dog just say it's on the roof?"
"No," the boy scoffs. "I mean the ball is up there, but the dumb dog's not talking."
The dog rolls its eyes at the mother and says, "Well, if your kid had a better arm I wouldn't have to."
Snow White gets into a hot tub and starts feeling a little happy
Happy gets out and she starts feeling a little grumpy.
Grumpy gets out and Bill Cosby gets in and she starts feeling a little sleepy.
Snow White and Prince Charming in Divorce Court
Judge: So, you want a divorce because your wife is too moody?
Prince: No, I said that last night I came home and she was feeling Happy, and then she was feeling Grumpy, then she was feeling Bashful, then she was feeling Sleepy…
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....
"But you already own her home!"
I visited a fortune teller at a fair. They were quite grumpy and told me I was going to die within minutes.
I walked out of the tent and tried to find another for a second opinion. They were a little angry, and said i would live forever. I didn't like the sound of either of those outcomes so kept looking around, but just couldn't find a happy medium.
