Grumbles Jokes
13 grumbles jokes and hilarious grumbles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grumbles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Grumbles Jokes With Friends
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Grumbles Jokes and Friends
What is a good grumbles joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"
Hundreds of Russians are outside a bank,
grumbling about waiting hours in a long queue to make a withdrawl.
Suddenly one says '' I've had enough of this, I'm going to shoot Putin!"
He returns five hours later to the queue and his mate says '' did you kill him?''
he said ''no the queue was too long''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
A Jewish lady wants an obituary for her husband.
A Jewish lady calls the New York Times and says "I want an obituary for my husband." The person at the times says "it's 10$ a word". "10$ a word!" The lady exclaims. "Fine" she says "Burnstein dies". The lady says "there is a minimum of 5 words". "Fine" she grumbles, "Burnstein dies Buick for sale".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A runner walks into a bar
An ultra runner jogs into a bar and orders a beer. She reaches into her sweaty sports bra and pulls out a sweaty crumpled $5 bill to pay. The bartender gingerly picks up the damp bill with a pair of tongs and dumps it in a bucket. "You realize every time I get money with b**... fluids on them I have to report it to the government," the bartender grumbles. "It's g**... income."
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, dude," one says after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbles. "They misspelled my name!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy gets into work late one day, clearly upset.
His co-worker asks him Hey Jim, what happened, man? Why are you late?
I got a flat on the way in. Cost me at least an hour dealing with it, Jim grumbles.
How'd you get a flat?
Eh, I ran over a bottle in the middle of a crosswalk.
In the middle of a crosswalk? Didn't you see it?
Nah - d**... kid had it under his coat.
An attorney called the governor just after midnight,...
...insisting that he talk to him urgently. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Jones has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated
The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Rule.!
A new patient was quite upset when the doctor's nurse led him to a small, curtained cubicle and told him to undress. "But I only want the doctor to look at an ingrown toenail!" he protested. "Our rule is that everyone must undress," replied the blond nurse. "That's a s**... rule," grumbled the patient, "making me undress just to look at my toe." "That's nothing," growled a voice from the next cubicle. "I just came to fix the phones!"
Share These Grumbles Jokes With Friends
Grumbles One Liners
Which grumbles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grumbles? I can suggest the ones about grumpy and groan.
- What do you call an unselfish vocal sound? A humble grumble^^My ^^life ^^is ^^failure
- What do you call a bee which is always complaining? A grumble bee.
