The Best 82 Grows Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Grows jokes. There are some grows growin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grows anabolic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Grows Jokes and Puns

Q: What happens when you eat bullets?

A: Your hair grows out in bangs.

Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...

The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

Grows joke, What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

You know why Dolly Parton has small feet?

Nothing grows in the shade.

Why do Africans wear baggy pants?

Because their knee grows.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.

Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What's the the deal with Peter Pan?

He always flies but he Never Lands. This joke is funny because it never grows old.

Grows joke, What's the the deal with Peter Pan?

[NSFW] Anne recently noticed she had hair growing between her legs...

Frantic, she asks her mom what's going on.

Her mother replies, "Don't worry sweetie, the part where the hair grows is called the Monkey. Be proud that your Monkey is growing hair."

The girl sighs in relief, and later at the dinner table she smiled and told her older sister Beth, "I've got hair growing on my Monkey."

The sister laughs and replies back, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

If a tree farm is planted next to a cornfield ...

and over time grows to steal sunlight from the cornfield, would that be farmed robbery?

Why are black people so tall?

Because their Knee Grows!

(Told to me buy a black friend so dont be calling me a racist)

You can explore grows mature reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grows roots dad jokes. There are also grows puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

I like this joke because it never grows old.

-I saw this on twitter today and laughed, so I thought I would share.

Why is peter pan always flying?

He neverlands

I like this joke because it never grows old

This joke is off the hook


A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife

On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.

Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.

Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?

Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?

Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?

Man: I'll come back for you.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

And yes, as a matter of fact, I am a dad.

Mommy's Hair

A little girl asks her mom one day. "Mommy why do you have white hair?"

The mom thinks for a second and says, "Well, sweetie, every time you make mommy angry she grows a white hair. So don't make mommy angry."

The little girl then replies, "So Grandma..."

Grows joke, Mommy's Hair

I never like my hair right after I get it cut,

But after a week it grows on me.

A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.

"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.

"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."

"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."

A student told the teacher when he grows up he wants power.

The teacher replied well your gonna first need to learn

[Fixed] They say when you shave it, it grows back thicker.

That explains what happened to those pounds my wife "shaved off."

why are black people so tall?

because their knee grows

A Warrior Cuts off the head of a Hydra formed by fusing 8 mythical beast,

and 2 heads Grows in it place,

he cuts those off and 4 grows,

he cuts those off and 8 grows,

he cuts those off and 16 grows,

he cuts those off and 32 grows,

he cuts those off and 64 grows,

he cuts those off and 128 grows,

he cuts those off and the Hydra Dies because the Hydra was made of 8 bits.

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Today I Learned we are all born without kneecaps.

I guess that makes us all knee grows!

Melanoma victims hate it at first...

...but it grows on them.^I'm^sorry^...

Went to shave my beard but decided not to, the longer I keep it, the more it grows on me.

Sure this is old but actually thought this the other day.

Marriage is like a fire.

If you put the logs too close together the fire grows too hot and burns out quickly. If you put the logs too far apart the fire goes cold. The trick is having the logs just the right distance apart.

And every once in a while you have to use your poker.

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?


Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?

I asked my friend.

He wants to be a garbageman, 
he replied.

That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.

Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.

What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up?


You know your kid's going to be a pirate when he grows up

if you hear him say to his friend "I know you Arr! But what am aye?"

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

A little boy told his mom that he wants to be like Donald trump when he grows up

Mom: Well pick one, you cant be both

Knight vs dragon

A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 64 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 128 heads. The knight cuts them and the dragon is finally dead.

It was an 8-bit dragon.

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

(This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........)

A web designer.

It's okay if you're not comfortable with Soylent Green yet

It grows on you.

Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

Because their knee grows.

What kind of fruit grows on a mountain?


You have beautiful hair

too bad it grows out of your nose.

I asked my daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She looked at my wife and said "single."

An attractive woman waits for the stranger next to her to strike a conversation.

She grows impatient and says, "Helloooo, I'm getting old here."

The man replies, "I know. That's why I'm keeping my distance."

What are the similarities between cancer and a old car.

It kinda grows on you.

What do you call a tree that grows meat?


I know a farmer that grows doritos

It's a cool ranch

What grows under your nose?


What's the most ironic thing about an incel?

When he grows up, he goes "in cell," where he gets sex every day.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.
At first, I didn't get this joke. I was lost, boys. But I love this joke, it never grows old, and it has a nice hook.

What do you call beer that grows in the ground?

Root Beer

My kids are nothing but trouble...

I ask my daughter what she wants to be when she grows up. She looks at my wife and says "single".

Well, you know what they say about a bad haircut

It grows on you

A nun in sunday school asks a girl what she wants to be when she grows up

"A prostitute!" she says.

The nun is appalled.

"young lady, WHAT did you say?!"

the girl replies "A prostitute".

the nun lets out a sigh of relief

"oh thank goodness, I thought you said 'protestant"!

What city grows twice its population?


What happens when you plant a cow?

It grows into a bovine.

I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up.

His handwriting is terrible.

What's the difference between a speeding driver and a tumor?

one goes fast and kills you

the other grows fast and kills you

This one made me really Happy. What starts with 'H', ends with 'S' and grows the more you spread it?


Skin cancer is not that bad

It grows on you

What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

Jeff Bezos personal wealth grows to $150 Billion

He should simply change his spelling to

**J€££ B€zo$**

They ask a kid what he wants to do when he grows up...

He says "I want to be a surgeon assistant, because when the surgeon says scissors, I'd say rock, so I beat him.

What kind of Apple grows on a tree?

all of them.

When SilentΓ³ grows old, what will he be saying a lot to his senior assistant?

Ooh wash me, wash me
Ooh wash me, wash me

A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.

He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."

What's the Difference between Australia and a carton of milk left out in the sun for 200 years?

At least after 200 years, the milk grows some culture...

I don't see why people are mad at me for wasting paper

It literally grows on trees

A Strange Career Choice...

A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants
to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

What does Ariana Grande want to be when she grows up?

Ariana Venti

\*Thanks to my dad for this one

Three expectant mothers

Are in the doctors waiting room knitting. The first takes a pill and the other two look over at her "iron so baby will be nice and healthy" she tells the other two. Not to be out done the second takes one too "calcium so baby grows up strong". The last also takes one "thalidomide, because I've not learnt how to knit arms yet"

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

Which knee is hurting you, Walt?

The famous film producer points to his left knee.


Astronauts who were in orbit for a long time discovered that human foreskin grows back in zero gravity

The effect is known as space de-bris

If you pour water to water

It grows

Have you met the charismatic fungus on my feet?

He really grows on you.

The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about PMS? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!

Roses are red, wine is not water

When my cumsock grows mushrooms does that mean I am a father?

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"

What you call a tree that grows fingers?

A palm tree

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

an occupation of a kid

Mother: You can't imagine how many times I have to call him before he finally comes to me. I wonder what will he do for a living when he grows up...
Father: a waiter?

What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood?

A phlebotanist

"Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he Neverlands."

You see, I love this joke because it never grows old.

I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery.

That's where hedge funds come from!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grows grew jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grows grass grow piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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