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Grows Jokes

140 grows jokes and hilarious grows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Grows Short Jokes

Short grows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grows humour may include short grew jokes also.

  1. When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
  2. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
  3. When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody's laughing now.
  4. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
  5. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
  6. When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
  7. My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
  8. When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
  9. Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
  10. Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... ...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

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Grows One Liners

Which grows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grows? I can suggest the ones about growing and growth.

  1. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  2. Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
  3. "Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up" "Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
  4. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  5. How much space is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
  6. I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree. He said grow a pear.
  7. Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet but most have just four.
  8. Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify should just grow a pear.
  9. why are black people so tall? because their knee grows
  10. Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees.
  11. What kind of tree does a chicken grow on? A poultry.
    (came up with that in the shower)
  12. Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft But most have 4
  13. Alligators can grow up to 20 feet But most of them only grow four
  14. I'm not racist my best friend growing up was black Until my dad sold him
  15. Why arent There Many jewish gardeners? Because money doesnt grow on trees

Tree Grows Jokes

Here is a list of funny tree grows jokes and even better tree grows puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a tree that grows meat? Dmitry!
  • My neighbor says he is too afraid to plant an apple tree. I told him, "Grow a pear"!
  • Why does the army plant saplings every year? To grow the infant-tree
  • What tree does bacon grow on? Porcupine
  • If money doesn't grow on trees... Then why does every bank have so many branches?
  • After cleaning up from a recent severe storm, my neighbor offered me free wood for my fireplace. That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.
  • Why are hippies against capitalism? Because money doesn't grow on trees.
  • Events like 9/11 don't grow on trees They grow on Bushes
  • only joke i ever made up.. What did the papa pear tree say to his effeminate male son? GROW A PAIR!
  • What kind of plants grow in bathrooms? Toilet trees.

Beard Grows Jokes

Here is a list of funny beard grows jokes and even better beard grows puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg? Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!
  • I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me.
  • My friend visited me months after I moved and said sweet beard . I said... Thanks, it's growing on me .
  • Hey... Nice beard Thanks, it's growing on me
    Sorry.
  • My friend and I are in a beard growing contest Right now it's neck and neck.
  • I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off. Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.
  • My wife told me to get a beard... the ideas growing on me
  • Someone told me they like my beard. I said "Thanks me too... ... it's really growing on me."
  • When i was younger i never thought i'd have a beard ....But eventually it started to grow on me.
  • What did the teenage boys right leg say to the left leg? Hey look! The little ones growing a beard!
Grows joke, What did the teenage boys right leg say to the left leg?

Fungus Grows Jokes

Here is a list of funny fungus grows jokes and even better fungus grows puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How much room do you need to grow f**...? As mushroom as possible.
  • I really didn't like this f**... joke at first But it's growing on me
  • I was going to grow a f**... farm in my backyard but there wasn't mushroom.
  • I had a foot f**... I was going to try to get rid of But then it really started growing on me.
  • I used to hate toe f**...... But now it's really growing on me
  • Have you met the charismatic f**... on my feet? He really grows on you.
  • Why didn't the f**... continue to grow? It didn't have mush room.
  • [OC] I wouldn't call myself a fan of f**... But it is starting to grow on me
  • Me: "Dad, how did you learn to live with that f**...?" Dad: "it grows on you"
  • I didn't use to like parasitic f**.... But it starting to grow on me.
Grows joke, I didn't use to like parasitic f**....

Happy Grows Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about grows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean growing plants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grows pranks.

Q: What happens when you eat bullets?

A: Your hair grows out in bangs.

Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...

The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

You know why dolly parton has small feet?

Nothing grows in the shade.

Why do Africans wear baggy pants?

Because their knee grows.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What's the the deal with Peter Pan?

He always flies but he Never Lands. This joke is funny because it never grows old.

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

If a tree farm is planted next to a cornfield ...

and over time grows to steal sunlight from the cornfield, would that be farmed robbery?

Why are black people so tall?

Because their Knee Grows!
(Told to me buy a black friend so dont be calling me a racist)

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.
I like this joke because it never grows old.
-I saw this on twitter today and laughed, so I thought I would share.

Why is peter pan always flying?

He neverlands
I like this joke because it never grows old
This joke is off the hook
Sorry

A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife

On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.
Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.
Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?
Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?
Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?
Man: I'll come back for you.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.
And yes, as a matter of fact, I am a dad.

Mommy's Hair

A little girl asks her mom one day. "Mommy why do you have white hair?"
The mom thinks for a second and says, "Well, sweetie, every time you make mommy angry she grows a white hair. So don't make mommy angry."
The little girl then replies, "So Grandma..."

I never like my hair right after I get it cut,

But after a week it grows on me.

A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.

"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.
"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."
"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."

A student told the teacher when he grows up he wants power.

The teacher replied well your gonna first need to learn algebra..lol

[Fixed] They say when you shave it, it grows back thicker.

That explains what happened to those pounds my wife "s**... off."

A Warrior Cuts off the head of a Hydra formed by fusing 8 mythical beast,

and 2 heads Grows in it place,
he cuts those off and 4 grows,
he cuts those off and 8 grows,
he cuts those off and 16 grows,
he cuts those off and 32 grows,
he cuts those off and 64 grows,
he cuts those off and 128 grows,
he cuts those off and the Hydra Dies because the Hydra was made of 8 bits.

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Today I Learned we are all born without kneecaps.

I guess that makes us all knee grows!

Melanoma victims hate it at first...

...but it grows on them.^I'm^sorry^...

Went to shave my beard but decided not to, the longer I keep it, the more it grows on me.

Sure this is old but actually thought this the other day.

Marriage is like a fire.

If you put the logs too close together the fire grows too hot and burns out quickly. If you put the logs too far apart the fire goes cold. The trick is having the logs just the right distance apart.
And every once in a while you have to use your poker.

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

PETA Pan

Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?

I asked my friend.
He wants to be a garbageman, 
he replied.
That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.
Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.

What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up?

Geometry.

If a man is born in Sweden, grows up in Denmark, lives in Finland and dies in Germany, what is he?

Dead of course.

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with v**...?

A sorority.

A little boy told his mom that he wants to be like Donald trump when he grows up

Mom: Well pick one, you cant be both

Knight vs dragon

A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 64 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 128 heads. The knight cuts them and the dragon is finally dead.
It was an 8-bit dragon.

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

(This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........)
A web designer.

It's okay if you're not comfortable with Soylent Green yet

It grows on you.

Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

Because their knee grows.

What kind of fruit grows on a mountain?

Alpineapples!

You have beautiful hair

too bad it grows out of your nose.

I asked my daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She looked at my wife and said "single."

An attractive woman waits for the stranger next to her to strike a conversation.

She grows impatient and says, "Helloooo, I'm getting old here."
The man replies, "I know. That's why I'm keeping my distance."

What are the similarities between cancer and a old car.

It kinda grows on you.

I know a farmer that grows doritos

It's a cool ranch

What grows under your nose?

Tulips

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.
At first, I didn't get this joke. I was lost, boys. But I love this joke, it never grows old, and it has a nice hook.

What do you call beer that grows in the ground?

Root Beer

What's the difference between a liberal and an puppy?

The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

A nun in sunday school asks a girl what she wants to be when she grows up

"A p**...!" she says.
The nun is appalled.
"young lady, WHAT did you say?!"
the girl replies "A p**...".
the nun lets out a sigh of relief
"oh thank goodness, I thought you said 'protestant"!

What city grows twice its population?

Dublin

Did you know about Cape Breton's indigenous flower?

It only grows for six months of the year and requires a minimum of 160 days of sunlight before blooming. It's called the pogey flower.

What happens when you plant a cow?

It grows into a bovine.

I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up.

His handwriting is terrible.

This one made me really Happy. What starts with 'H', ends with 'S' and grows the more you spread it?

h**....

Skin cancer is not that bad

It grows on you

What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

Jeff Bezos personal wealth grows to $150 Billion

He should simply change his spelling to
**J€££ B€zo$**

They ask a kid what he wants to do when he grows up...

...
He says "I want to be a surgeon assistant, because when the surgeon says scissors, I'd say rock, so I beat him.

What kind of Apple grows on a tree?

all of them.

When Silentó grows old, what will he be saying a lot to his senior assistant?

Ooh wash me, wash me
Ooh wash me, wash me

A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.

He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."

What's the Difference between Australia and a carton of milk left out in the sun for 200 years?

At least after 200 years, the milk grows some culture...

I don't see why people are mad at me for wasting paper

It literally grows on trees

A Strange Career Choice...

A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants
to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

What does Ariana Grande want to be when she grows up?

Ariana Venti
\*Thanks to my dad for this one

Three expectant mothers

Are in the doctors waiting room knitting. The first takes a pill and the other two look over at her "iron so baby will be nice and healthy" she tells the other two. Not to be out done the second takes one too "calcium so baby grows up strong". The last also takes one "thalidomide, because I've not learnt how to knit arms yet"

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.

If you pour water to water

It grows

The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about p**...? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's a**... all the way to Bethlehem!

Roses are red, wine is not water

When my cumsock grows mushrooms does that mean I am a father?

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"

What you call a tree that grows fingers?

A palm tree

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

an occupation of a kid

Mother: You can't imagine how many times I have to call him before he finally comes to me. I wonder what will he do for a living when he grows up...
Father: a waiter?

What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood?

A phlebotanist

"Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he Neverlands."

You see, I love this joke because it never grows old.

I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery.

That's where hedge funds come from!

You know cancer s**... at first...

But it grows on you over time.

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario.

What vegetable grows best in a w**...?

Brothelsprouts.

What do you call a snake that grows to 3.14m in length?

A π-thon. (A pi-thon)

Grows joke, What do you call a snake that grows to 3.14m in length?

jokes about grows