Growing Jokes

159 growing jokes and hilarious growing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about growing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the implications and consequences of "Growing Jokes" in different contexts. From growing old to growing up poor, and from growing faster than all else to growing pains fat, readers can discover the funny and sometimes sad stories behind growing old together, growing a beard, growing plants, and even growing anabolic. Readers can also learn when it is time to stop grew-ing and become testy.

Funniest Growing Short Jokes

Short growing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The growing humour may include short grows jokes also.

  1. When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
  2. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
  3. When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody's laughing now.
  4. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
  5. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
  6. When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
  7. My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
  8. When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
  9. Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
  10. Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

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Growing One Liners

Which growing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with growing? I can suggest the ones about grew and getting taller.

  1. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  2. Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
  3. "Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up" "Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
  4. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  5. How much space is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
  6. I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree. He said grow a pear.
  7. Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet but most have just four.
  8. Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify should just grow a pear.
  9. why are black people so tall? because their knee grows
  10. Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees.
  11. What kind of tree does a chicken grow on? A poultry.
    (came up with that in the shower)
  12. Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft But most have 4
  13. Alligators can grow up to 20 feet But most of them only grow four
  14. I'm not racist my best friend growing up was black Until my dad sold him
  15. Why arent There Many jewish gardeners? Because money doesnt grow on trees

Growing Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny growing up jokes and even better growing up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way... Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
  • Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world? Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
  • Whats the difference between a feminist and a baby? At some point in its life, the baby will stop crying and grow up
  • Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up! Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"
  • Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land
  • What's the difference between Americans and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
  • Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands
    I like this joke because it never grows old
    This joke is off the hook
  • What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world? Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.
  • A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
  • Where's the best place for a horse to grow up? In a stable environment.
    Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

Growing Old Jokes

Here is a list of funny growing old jokes and even better growing old puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
  • My 6 year old daughter told me this morning that she wanted to grow up and be a feminist.. I told her she could only choose one.
  • I heard married women sometimes grow an appendage out of their back side as they age. Maybe it's just an old wives tail.
  • Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
    Gold in Teeth;
    Sugar in Blood;
    Precious Stones in Kidney;
    And a never ending supply of Gas!
  • What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old? PETA Pan
  • 5yr old: Daddy I'm mad at you! Me : Why?
    5: You know why!
    Wife: [wipes tear] They grow up so fast.
  • Growing old First you forget names;
    Then you forget faces;
    Then you forget to zip up your fly;
    And then you forget to unzip your fly.
  • Growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now that I'm old, I've realised I should have been more specific.
  • We were so poor when I was growing up..... That my dad bought me an air guitar for Christmas.
    My friend was even less well off. He asked if he could have my old one!!!
  • Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old? They can't lego of their childhood.
    Tell some more Lego puns, here!
Growing joke, Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

Growing Beard Jokes

Here is a list of funny growing beard jokes and even better growing beard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg? Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!
  • I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me.
  • My friend visited me months after I moved and said sweet beard . I said... Thanks, it's growing on me .
  • Hey... Nice beard Thanks, it's growing on me
  • My friend and I are in a beard growing contest Right now it's neck and neck.
  • I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off. Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.
  • My wife told me to get a beard... the ideas growing on me
  • Someone told me they like my beard. I said "Thanks me too... ... it's really growing on me."
  • When i was younger i never thought i'd have a beard ....But eventually it started to grow on me.
  • What did the teenage boys right leg say to the left leg? Hey look! The little ones growing a beard!

Growing Plants Jokes

Here is a list of funny growing plants jokes and even better growing plants puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face... when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.
  • My neighbor says he is too afraid to plant an apple tree. I told him, "Grow a pear"!
  • Why does the army plant saplings every year? To grow the infant-tree
  • What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ? Grow a pear.
  • Why did the winter solstice get into gardening? It loved the idea of staying up all night to watch plants grow.
  • What did the gardener do when he was excited for growing season? He wet his plants.
  • What kind of plants grow in bathrooms? Toilet trees.
  • Why should you never teach a plant math? Because it'll grow square roots
  • My friend told me he wanted to plant an orchard. I told him to grow a pear.
  • They say money doesn't grow on trees But my cousin planted a few bushes with a funny smell in his wardrobe and is now making 4k a week

Growing Up Poor Jokes

Here is a list of funny growing up poor jokes and even better growing up poor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…
  • Growing up we were so poor We had to play Dungeons OR Dragons.
  • We were so poor growing up that for breakfast we had Ordinary K.
  • When I was growing up, we were so poor... We used to leave the front door open all night, hoping a thief would come in and drop something.
  • Where did the poor Italian man grow up? The spaghetto
  • I was really poor growing up. If I hadn't been born a boy I'd have had nothing to play with.
  • Growing up I was so poor…. …if i hadn't been a boy, I would have had nothing to play with.
  • We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory. It was rough.
  • When I was growing up, we were so poor... father cut holes in my pants pockets so I'd have something to play with.
  • I was so poor growing up and our house was so small that. you could throw one rock through our front window and hit everyone in the house
Growing joke, I was so poor growing up and our house was so small that.

Uproarious Growing Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about growing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gaining jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make growing pranks.

Ireland is the fastest growing country

Their population is Dublin every day.

Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

Returning on Investment

After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.

I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

Famous Last Words

List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up:
Tarzan: "Who greased the vine?"

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.

I had an imaginary friend growing up...he was an alcoholic.

I called him Dad.

I have a weird fungal infection on my foot...

I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today

Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week.

I told him it's growing on me.

Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.

The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"

I got a haircut recently

I didn't like it at first, but now it's growing on me.

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted.

Now the police call that Identity theft.

Growing up my mom told me...

I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.

An increasing number of farmers are losing their crops due to drought

It's a growing problem.

I'm going to major in m**... when I go to college...

I hear it's a growing field.

My grandpa would always tell me...

that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much. "The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing w**... on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea.

The steaks would be too high.

Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world?

Yeah, their capital is always Dublin

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all

It's not easy growing up with twice the dad jokes.

My brother and I own adjacent farms

The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing m**... on his side of the fence.
I told him to get off his high horse.

"Look at this!" I said to my roommate

"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"

The capital of Ireland is the world's fastest growing city..

It's Dublin every year.

A queen asked a beardless knight...

A queen asked a beardless knight, "tell me true: have you fathered any children?" "In truth, my Queen, I have not." "I believe it," she replied, "for it's known to all that one can look at the hay to see if the pitchfork's any good."
"Tell me true," asked the knight, "have you any hair between your legs?" "In truth, young knight, I have not." "I believe it," he replied, "for it's known to all that when too many walk a road, the grass stops growing."

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome...

... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

My dad always thought I wasn't man enough to become a fruit farmer...

... I proved him wrong by growing a pear.

They say that coconut water is good for hair.

Now, I understand why my p**... are growing like crazy recently.

I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...

But I can't put my finger on it.

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.

Growing up, I was so bright

my mom called me Sun.

I used to hate my hair

But it's growing on me

Growing up my father told me to "only trust a man as far as you can throw him."

That's why I trust babies so much.

Gender Equality

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that f**... hair under your nose..."

must ache

Growing up my mom was always like, "Why can't you be more like the kids next door!"

And I always responded, "But we live next to an abortion clinic?!"

What are your career goals?

Me: I'd like a job in agriculture.
Me: It's a growing field.

Did you hear about the country with the fastest growing capital?

It's Ireland - every day it's Dublin.

What do you call a p**... shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless d**...-tater

At age 12, I started responding, "Twelving like a pro." whenever someone asked me what I was up to.

Growing older, I've begun to wonder if the payoff will really be worth it by age 69.

I was homeschooled growing up but I don't like to tell people that.

What I do like to tell people is that I had a teacher in high school that used to let me put her n**... in my mouth.

Still growing?

"Daddy, Daddy, are you still growing?"
"Why do you ask, son?"
"Because the top of your head is coming through your hair."

My neighbor just got arrested for growing m**....

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

Growing up in the south , my dad told me to never date a v**...

He told me if they ain't good enough for their family, then they aren't good enough for ours.

When my parents were growing up it was pound not hashtag

Good thing it changed too because otherwise pound metoo would have sent a wrong message

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?

I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.

My good transgender friend

My good transgender friend doesn't like to talk about growing up in a very religious family.
She was a heathen.

Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The o**... is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.
Need any help? , says the guy on the aisle.
Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in 'unt' .
Wow! Thanks!
No problem. Anything else?
Um... you wouldn't happen to have an eraser, would you?

Did you see that Dwarfism was in the news today?

It's a growing problem.

A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.

Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt' which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'

A Message to my Father: "You were never there for me growing up, but without you, I guess I wouldn't even exist. So...

Thanks for nuttin', Dad."

The problem with growing up with trans parents

Is that you can't see them.

Congratulations, said the doctor, you have a new life growing inside you!

The patient said, I'm a man.
The doctor said, the tapeworm doesn't care.

I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be."

That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!

My Friend Had Twins Over the Pandemic

I ran into her for the first time in ages and asked how the little ones were doing. She said Amal and Juan were just fine and were growing like weeds.
I asked to see a picture of them and she showed me a single baby on her phone.
Aren't there two of them? I asked.
She replied: Well if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

Growing up we were so poor...

Growing up we were so poor my brother and I had to share clothes.
And kids are so mean, at school they used to make fun of me ... especially when it wasn't my turn to wear the pants and underwear

When did humans first start growing w**...?

During the s**... Age

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.

Times were tough

Did you know that Ireland had the fastest growing population?

It's Dublin everyday.

When he was growing up, everybody laughed when Jimmy Fallon said he wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody's laughing now.

Growing up as the youngest in my family, I constantly got beat up by the two oldest

mom and dad

Growing joke, Growing up as the youngest in my family, I constantly got beat up by the two oldest

jokes about growing