The Best 73 Grow Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Grow jokes. There are some grow growin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grow grow up puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Grow Jokes and Puns
When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian...
Nobody's laughing now.
Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
A farmer just burst into tears because nobody likes eating his apples anymore...
I told him to grow a pear.
So my girlfriend is getting a bit older and her teeth are starting to fall out.
It's okay, though. They'll grow back.
Why arent There Many jewish gardeners?
Because money doesnt grow on trees
What "being a man" is about
A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician."
She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
To anyone who has a problem with pedophiles:
Grow up.
At catholic school...
A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?
In a stable environment.
Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.
You can explore grow crops reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grow flourish dad jokes. There are also grow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Growing up my mom told me...
I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.
Fascinate
Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?
Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.
Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?
Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.
Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate".
Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?
Grow a pear.
A guy asks for a tattoo on his........
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his private parts. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Whats the difference between a feminist and a baby?
At some point in its life, the baby will stop crying and grow up
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side!
Did you know humans are born with four kidneys?
Two of them grow into adult knees.
Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet
but most have just four.
I took my kids to the aquarium.
"If you get really close to the glass maybe the whale will talk to you!" I suggested to my son.
"Grow up," said the woman behind the ticket booth.
My 6 year old daughter told me this morning that she wanted to grow up and be a feminist..
I told her she could only choose one.
Billy was sleeping in his room
Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.
Billy asked ''Who are you?''
The man responded with "I'm you from the future"
Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.
He asked his older self "What will I be when I grow up?"
The older Billy locked the door and said "A paedophile"
Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."
Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
My doctor told me I have a tumor
At first I was upset, but it's starting to grow on me
Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up.
"Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up." Said the Irish girl.
"A what?" Replied the mother with a startled expression on her face.
"A prostitute."
"Oh, a prostitute. Thank god, I thought you said a Protestant."
You're scared of pedophiles?
Grow up.
Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'
We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify
should just grow a pear.
People who are afraid of pedophiles
need to grow up
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday...
I'm starting to believe him.
"Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up"
"Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
How much space is needed for fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft
But most have 4
Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...
...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer
You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear...
"What's this for? he asked.
I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."
I heard married women sometimes grow an appendage out of their back side as they age.
Maybe it's just an old wives tail.
Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day
Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land
Give a man some corn, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!
My wife told me to grow up and stop believing everything I see on the internet
But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying.
I know how it feels to grow up without a father!
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started to cry...
because I know what it's like to grow up without a dad.
When my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant I started crying in despair
It is because I know so well what is it like to grow without a father ...
A boy asks his mom, When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?
Mom: Daddy doesn't have two penises son
Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!
Alligators can grow up to 20 feet
But most of them only grow four
All three of my uncles used to grow weed together
It was a joint effort.
I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet
But I haven't seen any with more than 4
A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.
"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
Some Alligators can grow up to 15 feet
but most only have 4.
Some Giraffes can grow up to 18 feet
But most only have 4
After Generation Z, the next generation should be called generation AA
It would fit even better because they will be the generation to grow up with batteries inside everything.
Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up!
Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"
What kind of tree does a chicken grow on?
A poultry.
(came up with that in the shower)
When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag
Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Me: I want to be a mirror cleaner when I grow up
Mum: why's that?
Me: It's something I can see myself doing
Mum: ...
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.
The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.
Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's bitch!!"
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete moron? Are you stupid? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
My girlfriend told me she's pregnant which made me cry...
I know what it is like to grow up without a father
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way...
Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "
Nature's selection for our placement of hair is a weird thing.
Can't grow a beard for shit, but enough ass hair to turn diarrhea into filtered water
I bought a bag of bird seed almost 2 months ago.
Anyone know how long it takes for the bird to grow?
When I was growing up there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet.
Nobody knew why.
Thats my Boy
Teacher asked his students to make rhymes with their names
Bran :
my name is brand
When I grow up to be a man
I want to go to Russia and Japan
If I can , if I can, if I can
Jady :
My name is Jady
When I grow up to be a lady
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can , if I can
Dan :
My name is dan
When I grow up to be a man
To hell with Russia and Japan
I am going to help Jady with her plan
I know I can , I know I can
Babies are born with 4 kidneys.
When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
How come Geronimo never had facial hair?
Cause he could only grow Apache beard!
I only learned recently that children are born with four kidneys, and later on when they grow up..
..two of them turn into adult knees.
What do you call a chameleon who cant grow his tail back?
ereptile dysfunction
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grow expand jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working grow grass grow piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.