Groups Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three?

Because they literally can't even.

Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?

Because they literally can't even.

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?

Because it says "No Trespassing".

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?

The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.

The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead to account for the placebo effect.

My mom: Asians are some of the safest people in the world...

Me: There are asian gangs too
My mom: And they're called study groups!

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?

Because they literally can't even.

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

Why do soviet policemen travel in groups of three?

One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

A man died and gets shown around in heaven by St. Peter

β€žSo, over here we have the Muslims. Very nice people, celebrating that they're allowed to drink up here.

β€žNext we have the Jews. Also really friendly, having discussion groups with God himself from time to time.

β€žThere are the Buddhists, really relaxed people, just enjoying themselves.

The tour goes on for quite a while like this.

Finally they arrive at a locked door.

β€žYou must be really quiet around here , St. Peter whispers.

β€žWhy, who's in there? , the man asks.

β€žThe Catholics, they think they are alone up here.

Memory wipe

"We've divided the population as you requested, Mr. President" announced the assistant "we just need your approval for the memory wipe".

"Wipe the memories from the groups 1 to 8" replied the president, "leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too"

"Sir, you want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"

The president looked out at the world from the window.

"Only 90's kids will remember this"

Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three?

One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

Q. "Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?"

A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.

Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

When the Saxons landed in England...

...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.

One group headed West and Wessex was born.

A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.

Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.

Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again

We've divided the population as you've requested, Mr. President, announced the assistant from the doorway, so we're just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.

Wipe the memory of groups 1-8, replied the president, leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.

Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?

The president stood from his chair and looked out at the world from his window.

Only 90s kids will remember this.

Why do Stalinist KGB Agents travel in groups of three?

One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They've accompliced a lot.

A pirate and his crew

A captain and his pirate crew would always go out to battle against groups of ships of 4 or 5.
Before he does, he always says to his crew, Someone, get me my red suit!
He would do this before every battle.

Then one day, one if his crew would say, O' Captain, why do you always wear your red suit to battle?
He would respond with, That way, if I get hurt and bleed, no one would notice it.
His crew, upon hearing this, were quite impressed.
The next day the captain went out to battle and saw 100 ships all aimed at him

Someone get me my brown pants.

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.



(As a member of both groups I now hate myself for telling this joke).

Why do teenagers always walk in groups of three?

Because they can't even.

Why does the Trump campaign hire people in groups of three?

One who can read, one who can write, and one to keep an eye on the other two "elitist intellectuals."

A professor walks in to a class….

He has a hypothesis. He claims the people who have sex most often are the happiest. To prove, he divides the class in to three groups. People having sex once a month are put to one corner. They are the least happy. People having sex once a week are put to another corner. They are slightly happier. And finally people having sex more than once a week are put to yet another corner. They are even happier.

But one guy is still sitting in the class. To see he's the happiest of them all! The professor is shaken. This chap is going to prove him wrong! Professor walks to him and ask;

Prof.: How often do you have sex son?

Guy: Once a year.

Prof.: Then how come you are so happy?!

Guy: IT'S TODAY! IT'S TODAY! IT'S TODAY!


Cr

Computer gender joke

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"


Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is impossible to understand for everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem;

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?

Both groups like marrying their cousins.

So there are a group of engineers and a group of mathematicians heading to a conference

They are sitting on a train together when both groups spot the train's ticket collector coming down the aisle. Quickly two of the engineers scuttle into the washroom, leaving the mathematicians confused. After the collector stamps all the mathematicians tickets he approaches the washroom and knocks.

"Ticket please"

A ticket slides under the door, and is stamped by the collector and returned.

"Thank you!" replies the collector.

Both groups then enjoy lots of nerdy things at the conference.

On the way home the mathematicians had learned the engineers trick. As the train pulls away the mathematicians all hide in the washroom, using the scam they had seen the engineers pull on the way there.

One engineer stands up and then knocks on the washroom declaring "Ticket please!" After which the mathematicians slides his ticket under the door.

The mathematicians pile out of the washroom and return to their seats with a grin on their faces.

Soon after the ticket collector enters the car, at which time all the engineers cram themselves into the washroom.

There Are Two Types Of People In The World:

...those who believe that people can be generalized into two groups, and those who don't.

Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more?

Because the sign says no tres-passing.

So a young man comes to his first ever Karate lesson

He steps through the doors of the dojo and sees three groups being taught moves by an instructor

He is directed to the first line where one of the Sensei's is teaching them how to block a hit

The man quickly learns the move and advances to the second group, proud of his achievement

The second line is taught one by one to perform a simple throw, but the man struggles as he has always lacked upper body strength

After many tries he finally succeeds but he decides karate is just not for him.

The young man turns around and walks towards the door, however on his way out the Sensei calls out his name and says:

"Hey, didn't you forget the punch line?"

Why can't mexicans pass the border in groups of three?

Because there's a sign that says No Tres-passing

There are two types of people

And they're both sick and tired of being put into two groups.

Stonewalls seem to be a continuous problem for minority groups.

Black people had to deal with Stonewall Jackson.
Gay people had to deal with the Stonewall riots.
Mexicans will have to deal with a Stonewall.

TIL that koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.

And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.

Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?

Because they can't even.

Why do teenagers only hang out in groups of three or five?

Because they can't even.

Why do white girks only walk in groups of odd numbers?

Because they literally can't even.

OLD ROMANIAN JOKE ABOUT COMMIES

Why do policemen(considered idiots) walk in groups of 3?
One knows how to read, one knows how to write and the other one oversees the intellectuals.

If there's one thing EVERYONE loves to do --

it's to make blanket generalizations about large groups of people.

Koi Fish always travel in groups of four

That's because while the A Koi, the B Koi and the C Koi escape. The predator will always go after the D Koi

Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.

It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.

Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.

Historically, the Inuit are one of the few groups of people who never lose their temper. After decades of research, scientists were able to figure out why...

They're nomads.

Why do sorority girls always travel in groups of 3?

Because they can't even.

Why can't you cross the Mexican border in groups of three?

There's no tres-passing!

Names for groups of animals

We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, murder of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:

construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers

I asked my friend why animals stay in groups...

He replied, "There are several reasons. Name an animal and I'll tell you why."

Perplexed, I took the opportunity and asked him about why penguins stay in groups.

"That," he responded, "is because penguins often use eachother to test if something is safe. Penguins sometimes even push other penguins into the water to test for killer whales."

Amazed by his knowledge, I ask him about birds.

"There are several reasons for this, as well, but the major one is so that they have a much lower chance of being targetted by a predator, like an eagle."

At this point it was just for fun, but finally, I asked him about lions.

"Oh, that? It's just the pride of lions."

It seems there were actually three power groups in Charlottesville

White Power, Black Power, and Horsepower

I treat my Play-doh like people groups in the 1940's

Always keep the colors separate.

Why do North Korean police travel in groups of 3?

You need one to read.

You need one to write.

And you need a third to keep an eye on the intellectuals.

What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator.

---

Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5?
Because they can't even!

---

Why do white people have so many pets?
Because owning people is not legal anymore

Sexist UFO

A strange disk appeared in the sky. It would hover over groups of women and whistle. Whenever a man would approach it would fly away and hover over another group of women and whistle. The headline in a feminist paper read: Object Defying Women.

The two groups of people I hate most are

Racists, Sexists and Maths Teachers

New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.

The runner up was 'Oh God It's Trump'

Different ethnic groups in the USSR have a meeting.

Each group has a representative, who must talk about what it is like living in the soviet union (and praise lenin and communism along the way if they don't want to get killed).

The Chukchi people live in Siberia, and haven't had it so great under soviet rule. Their representative begins to speak.

"After the revolution, in 1922 when the soviet union was formed, we had 1 feeling: cold."

"A few years later, we began to have another feeling: hunger."

This raised some eyebrows.

"And now we have 3 feelings: cold, hunger, and a great appreciation for the communist party."

"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"

"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."

Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets

They do so within groups of 40.

What do you call musical groups that are exclusively made of masseuses?

Rubber bands

How are feminists and bad hacker groups similar?

Both can't take down anything.

Why do cells grow in groups?

The have to mantain homie-ostasis

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever

If you can't beat em, join em

Why do groups of cows not like new music releases?

Because they've herd it all before

Do you like getting inebriated with yo' bruv's and watching groups of men in tights prancing around and occasionally slapping each others arses?

No, you say. Then why do you like American football?

The cable news networks tend to cater to different groups

Fox News is for right wings, MSNBC is for left wings, and CNN is for plane wings.

Ritalin and Adderall

Market Research says they both tested well among focus groups.

How many commutative groups are there?

Abelian

Why don't Mexicans travel in groups of three

Because all the signs say no TRESpassing.

An art museum in Virginia...

An art museum in Virginia recently opened an exhibition of Robert Mapplethorpe's male nudes. The display of that kind of art in a conservative state has lead to a great deal of local controversy, with local church groups picketing the museum, along with counter-demonstrators by art lovers, civil libertarians, and gay rights groups.

The local paper has begun referring to it as the Battle of Manasses.

There was a gang war going on between two disabled groups...

Blinds vs cripples.

What's the difference between justice and relevant ethnic groups in America?

Justice isn't always black and white

What do you call cattle that attack in large groups?

Cow herds!

Why do you want to avoid the beach when the Army is there?

Groups of soldiers come in waves.

Why are the secret policeman in communist countries always in groups of three?

The first one can read, the second one can write and the third one is there to watch over those intellectuals.

They say that if you are good and righteous you will ascend into heaven...

Otherwise you will split apart into small groups.

What's the difference between an all female track team, and a bunch of midget scholars?

One groups is a bunch of 'cunning runts'.

Educational a capella groups are sweeping the nation.

Some are calling it an academic aca-demic.

What are the funniest groups jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Groups? Well, here are the best Groups puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Groups pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes