Group Jokes

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

Did you know that a group of crows is called a m**...?

Well, technically it's only a m**... if there's probable caws.

They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay....

I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking...

and then I saw her face...

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clowns

Go for the juggler

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?

How did Isis move from 5th wanted t**... group to the most wanted t**... group?

They cut a head

The Artist

I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

When I was a child, I was r**... by a group of mimes.

They performed unspeakable acts on me.

I was r**... by a group of mimes

They did unspeakable things to me

They say there's a person capable of m**... in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music

mount rushmore

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

What do you call a group of babies?

an Infantry

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.

They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.

''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner.

Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends?

The punch line

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

They say one in ten men are homosexual

In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute

A muslim man came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I phoned the police..

He's probably part of an extreme mist group

My friends and I experimented with s**... in high school...

I was the control group

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.

Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing?

Mount Rushmore

Is it okay to hate a certain race?

I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing?

Mount Rushmore

How to find out if you're old or not:

Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join...

She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

I'm a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 millions years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

What's the male version of a Karen called?

I don't know but a group of them is called a Senate.

COP: Where were you the night of the m**...?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

My wife asked me whether I experimented with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.

Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party.

Lady: Do you mean a choir?

Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?

What rock group has 4 guys who don't sing?

Mount Rushmore...

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you s**... it up.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Not to brag, but I did a lot of experiments with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.

Unfortunately I was part of the control group.

My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more s**... would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...

that I'm in the control group.

What is the scientific name for anti-vaxxers during a pandemic?

The control group.

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a m**.... What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week.

Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.

My scientist wife decided to test the hyphotesis that more s**... would improve our marriage. It's only been a week, and I've already concluded...

...that I'm in the control group.

They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit m**...

I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .

But is it m**...?

A h**... detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a m**...?" "Well you can't be sure that's a m**...," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."

A group of police officers are sitting outside a woman's house after she murdered her husband

One calls dispatch and says "we got a woman armed with a knife in here and she just killed her husband."

Dispatch says "do you know why she killed her husband?"

The officer replies "yeah, she told him not to step on the floor right after she mopped, and he stepped on it anyway"

Dispatch asks "well do you have her in custody yet?"

"No not yet" the officer says

Dispatch says "Why not?"

The officer hesitates for a moment, then finally replies "well the floor still looks wet"

A group of Karens are sitting at a restaurant together.

A waiter approaches and asks, Is anything OK?

Why don't you ever see a group of Johnny Depp fans?

They don't like Heards.

What do you call a group of people smoking w**...?

A Joint Coalition

Why do koi fish travel in groups of four?

To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.

Liar

A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. Evening, boys. What are you doing? Nothing much, Pastor, replied the one lad. We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his s**... life. Boys, boys, boys! intoned the minister. I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about s**... at all. The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, You win, Pastor!

Sam: Hey Dave, I saw something really weird last night in the woods.

Dave: Oh yeah? What'd you see?

Sam: We'll it's kinda hard to explain, except it looked like a group of older women gathered around a fire, doing these weird chants and they started to get n**..... I mean that could only mean one thing..

Dave: Which is?

Sam: Exactly

How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party?

You ask them.

Did y'all hear about the group of hipsters who drowned at the pond?

Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool

Great news! I got the whole plane to myself!

The large group going to the psychics convention all cancelled at the last minute.

Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.

And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.

The Age of a Dinosaur

This old natural museum guide, near retirement, is talking to a group of visitors about a T-Rex skeleton.

"This dinosaur is sixty-five million and thirty-three years, ten months and six days."

"How can the age be so precise?" asks a visitor.

"Well", the old man ponders out loud, "when I started this job, I've been told the T-Rex was 65 million years...'

Hey everyone! What do you call a group of batmen and woman?

>!An orphanage!!<

Did you know in the average friend group, one in ten people are gay?

I hope it's Noah, he's so cute.

What do you call a group of breastfeeding mothers that just ran out of potatoes?

Lack-taters

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

What do you call a pod of singing killer whales?

An orcapella group

Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.

After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.

Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.