Group Jokes
187 group jokes and hilarious group puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about group that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh to share with friends? Try these group jokes for whatsapp in Hindi! Perfect for any trio or crowd, these jokes are sure to be a hit with your team. Read on to find out the best group jokes in Hindi!
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Funniest Group Short Jokes
Short group jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The group humour may include short team jokes also.
- Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join... She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
- Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden
- A group of Karens are sitting at a restaurant together. A waiter approaches and asks, Is anything OK?
- They say one in ten men are homosexual In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
- My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
- Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group? - Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
- There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens? An HOA
- How to find out if you're old or not: Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.
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Group One Liners
Which group one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with group? I can suggest the ones about organisation and organization.
- What do you call an emo a capella group? Self Harmony
- How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why must it be a group activity?
- What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
- Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
- What is the scientific name for anti-vaxxers during a pandemic? The control group.
- What do you call a group of people with something in common, but hate each other? drivers
- It dawned on me why teenagers are always in groups of 3 or 5 Because they can't even
- Why don't you ever see a group of Johnny Depp fans? They don't like Heards.
- What do you call a pod of singing killer whales? An orcapella group
- What musical group is Jesus most afraid of? Nine Inch Nails
- What does chris brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends? The punch line
- What do you call a group of unvaccinated children? A Plagueround
- What's a group of chubby newborns called? Heavy Infantry
- What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet? Ciao belli
- What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians? Comic Sans
Support Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny support group jokes and even better support group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I created an Erectile Dysfunction support group once, But it flopped,
Nobody came - I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly.
- what do you call a support group for people who talk too much? On and on Anon
- Dads (Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together* - Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.
- I've just joined a procrastinators support group. Ìt is called Wait Watchers.
- I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ... Nobody came.
- Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band. We're calling ourselves OC/DC.
- My wife joined a support group for people who talk too much. It's called
On Anon Anon Anon. - I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today It made me really
Control Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny control group jokes and even better control group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing... A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.
- A scientist couple had identical twins... They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.
- My wife said she wants to experiment more in the bedroom Unfortunately, it looks likeI'm in the control group.
- On my way home from work today I was listening to Placebo.. I thought I was listening to something else, but obviously I was the control group.
- Did you hear about the man from the experimental group that was arrested? He was out of control.
- How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless? Make operating it a school group project!
- I was part of a scientific study on the calming effects of listening to the Three Tenors. I felt great, but was in the control group. It turns out I was listening to Placebo Domingo.
- Why wouldn't a mad scientist destroy the world? A mad scientist would never destroy the world.
...Half the world maybe. That would be enough to have a control group. - I'm doing a science experiment on comedy where I tell people a joke and see their reaction. Welcome to the control group.
- My wife told me she wants to experiment in the bedroom. Apparently, I got put into the control group.
Family Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny family group jokes and even better family group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Want to follow social distancing guidelines but still meet with your friends and family? Just gather in groups of three, as there will be 6 feet between all of you :)
- There are two kinds of people: those who know the meaning of the word 'inflammable', and I would like to offer my condolences to the grieving families of the second group.
- My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!" She is referring to our cat.
10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid." - What do you call a group of people who smoke together? A joint family
- Growing up was hard for me because my family was constantly moving. We were all in a dance group together.
- Worst dad jokes are emoticons Had a group message with family and my sister wanted to go get coffee. So my dad sent this
*$ Enjoy - What do a group of necrophiliacs tell their families they're doing when they're going to hang out. "I'm off to crack open a cold one with the boys."
I mean...not technically lying is it? - Did you here about the support group for dads who make dumb jokes around their families? Yeah, it's "fo' pas".
Rap Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny rap group jokes and even better rap group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's North Korea's favourite rap group? Run, DMZ!
- Lil Nas X, Lil Baby, and Lil Pump made a new rap group It's called Shrink Rap
- Did you hear about that rap group that got arrested? Apparently they've been charged with conspiracy to commit rhyme.
- What's a Dungeons and Dragons player's favorite rap group? D12
- What's the Cincinnati Zoo's least favorite rap group? Gorillaz
- Why is the rap group Migos called Migos? Because they're all aMigos
- What do you call a group of three rapping friends? A Migos.
- What's Pingu's favourite rap group? Noot-tang clan.
- Did you hear about the mexican rap group? They're called ÑWA
- Who is the most popular rap group in Italy? Renzi Jewels
Unearthly Funniest Group Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about group you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean division jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make group pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that a group of crows is called a m**...?
Well, technically it's only a m**... if there's probable caws.
A large group of Russian soldiers...
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."
They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay....
I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
Technology has ruined our kids
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "
The German Lifeguard
A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know you're ugly when....
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
When I die...
I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clown
Go for the juggler
What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?
A Lift
(only a joke, my American friends)
"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."
Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
"Ok, same difference."
*looks at group*
Oh, this guy is good.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Tour guide in the mountain
A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Isis move from 5th wanted t**... group to the most wanted t**... group?
They cut a head
The Artist
I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music?
Mount Rushmore.
^^Or ^^Nickelback. ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry.
A group of people asked me to make a joke about barometers
but I couldn't handle the pressure
An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf
There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am starting a support group for guys dealing with a**... Asphyxiation.
Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some nice pair of legs
A group of girls walked by and I jokingly said to my girl "bet you wish you had a pair of legs like that" and she started crying. Smh girls are so emotional so I wheeled her back to the car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?
A m**... most fowl.
(I'll see myself out...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a group of women if they found r**... jokes funny. They all said "no!"
But deep down I knew they really meant "yes."
A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
Husband Wanted
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'
A mathematician goes into an insane asylum
He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:
How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.
A group of American tourists came in.
One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.
40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey y**..., is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
OK y**..., pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'
"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a group of gay pirates favorite pastime?
p**... each other's b**...
What's the most commonly misspelt blood group?
Type-O
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?
The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.
The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead to account for the placebo effect.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...
Scorpios
Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer'
Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who are the most h**...-e**... pop group at Hogwarts?
Wand e**....
An alcoholic is sitting at a bar
He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.
The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.
The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest...
take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "
What's the difference between a group of Pakastani School Girls and a group of ISIS soldiers..
Don't ask me I just fly the drone.
I was born pessimist
My Blood Group is B negative
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.
They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.
''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...
Perhaps calling it s**... on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...
A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner.
Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"
The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly
Sherman marched to the sea
A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
A muslim man came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I phoned the police..
He's probably part of an extreme mist group
A group of blondes walk into a bar
A group of blondes walk into a bar celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"
Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a bartender goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"
All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"
I went shopping with my wife today...
When I came across a group of women in short skirts.
I looked over to my wife and said "Ooh, I bet you wish you had legs like *those*"
She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was upset; I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Waitrose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friends and I experimented with s**... in high school...
I was the control group
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted m**....
I'll see myself out now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of fish is a school. A group of birds is a flock. A group of wolves is a pack. What do you call a group of Trump supporters?
A k**...
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child with an imaginary friend is normal
An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
A group of deaf people get together to protest
The group begins chanting
What do we want?
Hearing aids!
When do we want them?
Hearing aids!
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
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I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond
As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"
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Dr visits an Indian Tribe
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why does everything have to be a group activity?
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
