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Ground Jokes

142 ground jokes and hilarious ground puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ground that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Where does the tastiest ground beef come from? And what kind of job does a ground worker have? Learn the answers to these questions and explore the origins of ground beef, high ground, stirrup, and sod while enjoying some hilarious ground jokes!

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Funniest Ground Short Jokes

Short ground jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ground humour may include short roots jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  2. My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
  3. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Yo momma.
  4. My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
  5. America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
  6. America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
  7. I was almost upset that my coffee tasted like dirt today but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
  8. My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today "It tastes like dirt!"
    I told him it was just ground this morning.
  9. Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
  10. The US is having so many disasters and tragedies Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.

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Ground One Liners

Which ground one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ground? I can suggest the ones about earth and grass.

  1. Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
  2. What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing.
  3. Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.
  4. What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
  5. You can't run through a camp ground. You can only ran, because it's past tent.
  6. I don't know why people are afraid of flying Most crashes happen at ground level
  7. My 8 year-old kept chewing electrical wires… …so I had to ground him.
  8. Why is ground beef so popular? Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.
  9. Well... Well... Well... If it isn't 3 holes in the ground...
  10. Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? No?
    Well, well, well…
  11. My son kept chewing electrical cable. So i had to ground him.
  12. Have you heard about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
  13. Well my parents are finally sick of all my electronics puns. Now I'm grounded.
  14. I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.
  15. What noise does a plane make when it hits the ground? Boeing

Ground Beef Jokes

Here is a list of funny ground beef jokes and even better ground beef puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!
    A cow with no legs?
    Ground beef!
    A cow with 2 legs?
    YO MAMA
  • What's the opposite of ground beef? High steaks
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
  • I don't know why they need to specify that certain beef is ground beef... ... cause I've never seen a cow that could fly or swim
  • What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight? Ground beef
  • what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs? your mom.
  • My neighbor and I are having a land dispute. Well, it's actually more of a ground beef.
  • A cow with no legs is ground beef. A cow with 3 legs is lean beef. But what do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your Mom
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef…
    What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
    Lean Beef…
    What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
    Steak…
    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
    Your Mom
  • What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.

High Ground Jokes

Here is a list of funny high ground jokes and even better high ground puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • ...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said, "Its over Romeo,
    I have the high ground"
  • [Juliet looking down from balcony] "It's over Romeo, I have the high ground"
  • I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking
  • If Major Tom flies really high up, what would you call someone very deep beneath the ground? Miner Tom
  • What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high? The electrician knows where the ground is.
  • Why did the flying cows decide to come back to the ground? The steaks were too high.
  • How do you call a Jamaican mountain? High ground
  • Why did Obi-Wan survive the tsunami? Because he had the high ground.
  • I once got high by snorting ground-up bones of a marine mammal, then I ran my neighbor over. I did it on porpoise.
  • Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf? He likes the high grounds.
Ground joke, Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf?

Ground Beef Cow Jokes

Here is a list of funny ground beef cow jokes and even better ground beef cow puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do you find a cow that doesn't have any legs Right where you left it. It isn't going anywhere.

    (You thought this was going to be a "ground beef" joke, didn't you?)
  • Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
    * What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
    * What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? What do you call a cow with no legs?
    ground beef
    What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
    A steak
    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
    your mom :)
  • What's a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
    What's a cow with 3 legs?
    Lean beef.
    Now, what's a cow with 2 legs?
    >!Your Mom!<
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
    What do you call a cow with three legs?
    Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Your mum.
  • Labelling cows What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
    What about one with 3 legs? That's lean beef.
    What about one with 2 legs? That's just you.
  • What do you call a cow... ...with 2 legs?
    Lean Beef.
    ...with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    ...with no legs burried halfway in the dirt?
    Steak.
  • Cow jokes What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
    What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
    What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef
  • What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane? Ground beef
  • cows what do you call a cow with no legs....ground beef
    what do you call a cow with 2 legs...lean beef
    what do you call a cow with a tick...beef jerky

Ground Worker Jokes

Here is a list of funny ground worker jokes and even better ground worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site... Guess he was getting off on the ground floor.
Ground joke, I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ground can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ground puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Ground Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about ground you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean yard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ground prank.

Two Indians put their ears to the ground........

The first Indian says: "Buffalo come".
The second Indian says: "Buffalo no come".
The first Indian places his ear back on the ground and repeats "Buffalo come".
The second Indian places his ear back on the ground and says "I no hear anything, why you think buffalo come?"
The first Indian replies "Ear sticky".

Joke in honor of mole day

Three moles are going through the ground looking for food.
The first mole pops up out of the ground and sniffs around.
He says "hey guys I think were getting close I smell some syrup".
The next mole pops up and says "ya we must be a smell some syrup too".
The last mole pops up and says "I don't know guys all I smell is some molasses"

How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

My manly password

My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.
Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:
**"Error. Not long enough."**

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground?

I dunno, I just fly the drone.

The only time my girl friend will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER"...

...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!

Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.
General: You are forgetting something important sir.
Obama: No I am not.
General: Tanks, Obama.

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...

...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

A man spits out his coffee

"This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter.

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground

Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot

My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?

The rest of your life.

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...

To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this

yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

I was at the inventor of the USB stick's f**... yesterday.....

They lowered his coffin into the ground, then raised it back up, turned it around, and lowered it back down again.

I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds s**... her kid after he threw his fries on the ground

...so I threw my fries on the ground too.

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."

An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

Today I finally took the decision to ground one of my children for the first time

I hope that stops them from electrocuting themselves

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.

He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with m**...?

He wanted the high ground.

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

So far we have four inches of snow on the ground.

Or as my husband would say...seven inches.

My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I'm a detective, and that we should split up...

I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.
They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.
The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.
The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.
The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.

It's s**... when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me.

It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hotdog on the ground outside.

Why can a 747 never c**...?

When it hits the ground it goes 'boeing'

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

With all the bad things happenning in america right now,

you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.

I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.

So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it.

Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby.

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground & rolled around in pain.
She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken"

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!

A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......

When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?

A woman playing golf hits a nearby man...

She rushes over to the man who is on the ground, rolling around screaming in pain with his hands between his legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve his pain since she is a doctor and reluctantly he agrees. She gently moves his hands to his sides and unzips his pants and puts her hands inside. She massages him tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
He replies: "It feels great but I still think my thumb is broken".

America has been having a lot of bad luck lately

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

What do you do when your son has started eating electrical cords?

You ground him until he conducts himself properly.

I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping

I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.
I know he means well.

My son was chewing on electrical cords so i had to ground him..

He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water."

I know he means well.

My daughter, 10, won tonight

My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…

My son has been eating electrical cords. What do I do?

Ground him until he conducts himself properly.

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.

The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.

The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!

Who runs Mexican Amazon?

Jeff Pesos
It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it here I realised it hasn't been told this way on this subreddit yet either. So I'm claiming it as an original joke.

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."

Ground joke, A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

jokes about ground

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ground jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.