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Grounds Divorce Jokes

32 grounds divorce jokes and hilarious grounds divorce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grounds divorce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Grounds Divorce Short Jokes

Short grounds divorce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grounds divorce humour may include short divorce jokes also.

  1. The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?
  2. My wife threw coffee remnants at me this morning My lawyer says I have grounds for divorce
  3. My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed Apparently it's grounds for a divorce
  4. This morning, my buddy and his wife had a heated argument about coffee that got really serious It was grounds for divorce.
  5. I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce.
  6. I'm starting up a local coffee shop and marketing it as an Ashley Madison meetup spot. I'm calling it Grounds for Divorce.
  7. On what grounds did the wife divorce her husband when she found out he was having an affair with the leader of Cuba? Infidelity
  8. What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans? "That's grounds for divorce!"
  9. My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekly department meeting. My lawyer has informed me this qualifies as grounds for divorce.
  10. My wife and I are constantly fighting over who's going to make the first p**... of coffee in the morning. I think this might be grounds for divorce.

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Grounds Divorce One Liners

Which grounds divorce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grounds divorce? I can suggest the ones about filed divorce and married divorced.

  1. My X made the worst coffee. I thought it was grounds for divorce.
  2. My wife made decaf without telling me. That's grounds for divorce.
  3. What was the deal the coffee-addict lawyer offered potential clients? Grounds for divorce
  4. What's the middle ground between a matriarchy and a patriarchy? A divorce.

Delightful Fun Grounds Divorce Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about grounds divorce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean divorce papers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grounds divorce pranks.

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.

Me: "I want to divorce my wife." Lawyer: "On what grounds?" Me: "She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar." Lawyer:"Is she an alcoholic or do you think she might be cheating?"

Me: "No, she's looking for me."

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

A man and woman get a divorce.

They go to the courthouse and the judge wants to hear why they want a divorce.
The woman starts and says that they are too compatible. She says how they like the same movies, music, sports, books, and hobbies.
The judge perplexed asks why this is grounds for divorce.
She says the compatibility is just too good that they even like the same men.

Wife: I want a divorce

Lawyer: Thats fine, just call him in here and tell him
*Husband comes in*
Wife: You act like a detective too much, lets split up
Husband: Good idea! We can cover more ground that way!

The wife and I take our coffee pretty seriously. While making a p**... yesterday I spilled some.

She said that's grounds for divorce.

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a n**.

.. divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"

One of them Deevorces

A backwoods country bumpkin goes to his lawyer and says, "Sir, I wanna git mahself one uh them thar deevorces."
The lawyer says, "Ok, well, you need grounds for a divorce."
The farmer says, "I has grounds sir, a hunderd an fitty acres of it."
The lawyer says, "No, I mean, you need a case!"
The farmer says, "I has one-uh them too! Keep mah doc-u-mints in it!".
The lawyer says, "No.... No.... You need a to file a suit."
The farmer says, "Sir, I has the suit, wear it tah church err'y Sumday."
The lawyer sighs. "Ok, let me put it to you this way... Is your wife a nagger?"
The farmer says, "No sir, wife's a white woman, 'bout 5 feet tall... Had herself a nagger baby though..."

r**... Divorce

A h**... walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
h**...: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
h**...: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
h**...: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
h**...: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
h**...: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
h**...: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"
h**...: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

"On what grounds?"
"Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees."
"No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?"
"Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage."
^(getting exasperated) "Does he beat you up?"
"No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn't get up until after I've left for work."
"WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
"We just can't seem to communicate."

The problem with getting married in heaven..

On their way to get married a couple gets into a fatal car accident. They are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to turn up and register them. While they're waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone's ever asked. Let me go and
find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits around for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all, What if it doesn ' t work out, they wonder. Are we stuck together forever?
St. Peter returns after another month looking somewhat worn out. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in heaven. "
" Great , " says the couple, " but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven? "
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What ' s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Christ!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer? "

A Question of Communication

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?
She replied, "About four acres with a little home in the middle of the property."
"No," said the judge. "I mean, what is the foundation of this case?"
"It's made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle in town, as well as my husbands parents."
He said, "Do you have a grudge?"
"No," she replied. "Since we have a carport, we've never really needed one."
"Ma'am, has your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded. "About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Madame, why do you want a divorce?"
"I've never wanted a divorce," the woman replied. "My husband does. He says he can't communicate with me."

The Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation ensued:
"Have you any grounds?"
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
It's made of concrete.
"I don' think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
No, we have carport, and not need one.
"I mean what are your relations like?"
All my relations still in Poland .
" Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
"Does your wife beat you up?"
No, I'm always up before her each morning.
"Is your wife a nagger?"
No, she white.

"Why do you want this divorce?"
She going to kill me.

"What makes you think that?"
I got proof.
"What kind of proof?"

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:
POLISH REMOVER

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "

What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"