"inside of a dog, its too dark to read"-Groucho Marx
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something stupid.
— My god, that's a lot of children! How can you do this?
— I love my husband a lot…
— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!
How he got into my pajamas, I don't know.
- Groucho Marx
Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore throat and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore throat.
Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breathy voice replied, "Is the doctor in?"
Mrs. Wendell replied in the same whispering tone, "No.... come on in!"
*-Groucho Marx*
I kept the receipt.
(by Groucho Marx)
and things are not going well, he's blowing switches, picking up speed and will almost certainly crash into the town at the bottom of the hill. A police officer sees this hops in her car and chases after the train. Through a daring twist of events the police officer manages to dive onto the train after crashing her car into the river below. When she gets to the engine room she sees the cat is wearing Groucho Marx glasses, and is blowing into a tube that causes its' polka-dotted bow-tie to spin while making a whistle-ish sound. The police officer looks ahead and sees she has only moments to stop the train. Her instincts kick in, she pulls the brake and the train stops inches from crashing into the town and killing thousands.
The moral of the story is a copper is a much better conductor then a silicate.
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