The Best 71 Gross Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Gross jokes. There are some gross boogers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gross totally gross puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Gross Jokes and Puns

A penguin took his car to the mechanic.

The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Why does the number 288 not come up in polite conversation?

Because it's two gross.

My girlfriend just freaked me out...

she gave me a blow job but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.Fucking weird and gross. I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?

I can build and fix small engines using only vomit, feces and rotted animals.

Due to my gross motor skills.

jokes about gross

What's the grossest number?

6.9 because it's a 69 with a period in the middle.

A man has to pee...

But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.

To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.

She shrieks and says, "Gross!"

"Danke schoen," he replies.

A mathematical limerick

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

Gross joke, A mathematical limerick

A man and wife are lying in bed...

The man says "hey honey, do you want to make love?"

She says "normally I would, but I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning, and that seems like it would be gross."

The man says "I understand" and rolls over.

After a few moments, the man rolls back over and asks "when's your next dentist appointment?"

What did one gay man say to the other gay man in the gay bar?

Stand up and I'll push your stool in.

Yeah it's gross.

The other day my daughter said, "Mold is so gross."

I told her to "respect its culture."

What's grosser than gross?

When a midget walks by and says, "Mmm, your hair smells nice!"

You can explore gross dirty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gross betcha dad jokes. There are also gross puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin

While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

What do you call a banker's disgusting fetish?

His gross interest.

So my younger sister walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex

"Uhh that's gross, what are you doing?" she asked

I answered: "Don't worry it's only natural, I bet you'll be doing it soon as well"

"Really? Why?"

"Because my girlfriend gets tired awfully quick."

Wanna hear something gross about USA?

$18.124 trillion

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross.

source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.

Gross joke, Why should you never mention the number 288?

I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross.

I have sex with her because it's kinky.

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

My girlfriend had a sexual fantasy to roleplay as a 14 year old in bed.

I think it's pretty gross. Besides, she'll be 14 in 2 years anyway.

A Jew and an American are sitting on a bus...

The Holocaust denier farts.

The Jew says, "That's gross!"

The Holocaust denier says, "What, a little gas never killed anyone."

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door.

"Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"

Why does Donald Trump finish nearly every tweet with an exclamation point?

Because he thinks periods are gross.

*Gross* .... So 2 Condoms are walking down the street...

They stop in front of a gay bar. After looking in, one condom says to the other... "You wanna go in there and get Shit-Faced?"

My least favorite number? Probably 288...

It's two gross.

A judge was fired for gross incompetence

He was having trouble putting sentences together

Gross joke, A judge was fired for gross incompetence

Vomiting is like sex...

It's sometimes better to just bend over and let it happen.

When it comes it comes.

You usually feel gross afterwards, but there's still a sense of relief.

Vegans think butchers are gross

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

I think I have a crush on my teacher

Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher

Friend: That's gross

Me: I've heard it's pretty common

Friend: But you're homeschooled

I put together a list of 288 dead baby jokes to post.

I decided not to post them because it would be two gross.

Why is the number 288 like a rotten corpse?

It's two gross.

I hate the number 288

It's two gross

Why do accountants hate pre-tax income?

It's gross.

Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes"

Employee: "that's gross"

A father walks in on her daughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber.

"Gross" he says, "I was gonna eat it. Now it will taste like cucumber."

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

People who sell meat may be gross

But those who sell vegetables are grocer.

I was counting the money in my wallet and I remembered my microbiologist friend saying that money is the dirtiest thing you can touch all day. Turns out I have $144 in cash,

But I guess that's just gross....

A vegan once said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

So I replied: the people who sell vegetables are grocer

People who sell meat are gross

But people who sells fruits and veggies are grocer

what do you call a kid born from incest

gross domestic product

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.

Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream Gross!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!

Translation - Big? Thanks!

What do you call the byproduct of incest?

Gross Domestic product.

Wearing a second hand hairpiece may seem kind of gross

but its a small price toupee

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

Because it's two gross.

We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty gross.

That's why I hate triathlons.

Some people think that being a mortician or undertaker is gross, but

Selling fruit and veg is Grocer.

My friend asked me if I would ever try doing it in the "other hole"

I looked at him with a disgusted face and said "Eew, gross. She might get pregnant."

Do you know what is gross ?

Having 144 of something

A guy at the whorehouse

So a guys going down on this hooker in a whorehouse. He's eating and eating and all of a sudden gets some corn in his mouth. Well, he thinks thats kind of gross but chalks it up to a fluke and keeps on eating. A few minutes later he gets some carrots in his mouth. Again he thinks thats kind of gross and odd but again chalks it up to a fluke. Well he goes back to eating and eating and this time gets some beans in his mouth. He looks up from eating and says to the hooker, Damn lady, are you sick or something ..... she responds

No but the guy before you was

LOL

A teacher asked a white student, a black student and a Mexican student to use the words "cheese" and "liver" in a sentence

The white kid answered, "My mom made liver and cheese for dinner".

The teacher said that was very good.

The black kid said, "I would never eat cheese on liver, that is gross."

The teacher said that was very good.

The Mexican kid says if some dude tried to step to my girl I would say, "Liver alone! Cheese my girl!"

I was going to tell a joke about a man who ate 288 eggs

But it was Two Gross.

yo mama is so gross

that when i told her to 'do the robot' r2-d2 got herpes

What do plumbers and economists have in common?

They both deal with gross domestic product.

A German man went to New York City

He started peeing on the street

A lady walked pass him and said: "Gross"

He replied: "Danke"

A vegan said to me people that sell meat are gross.

I said to the vegan people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

My new dog is a poop machine.

I tallied each pile as I cleaned up the yard. I stopped counting at 288, because that's two gross.

What do you call the weight of a porta-potty when the tank is full?

The gross weight

What do you call a superstitious construction vehicle that has a gross physique?

Icky-bod Crane

What do you call gross wind?

Disgusting

I really dont like the number 144

Its a Gross

Wanna hear a joke about the number 288?

Never mind, it's two gross.

Morris says to his teenage daughter "There are two words I'd like you to drop from your vocabulary. One is "awesome" and the other is "gross."

"OK" she replies, "what are they?"

People who sell meat for a living are gross ..

But people who sell veg are grocer

Children are like farts.

You're proud of your own, but other people's are kinda gross.

why is it considered gross to drink a beverage made of steeped soil?

Because that's just dirt tea

Knock, knock… who's there? I eat mop.

I eat mop-who… gross

An American and a German are in a public bathroom.

The German is peeing on the floor.

The American says:

\-That's gross!

The German replies:

\-Danke!

what do Germans call an overweight person?

Gross

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gross grosser than gross puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gross gross dead baby piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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