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Grocery Store Cashier Jokes

33 grocery store cashier jokes and hilarious grocery store cashier puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grocery store cashier that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Grocery Store Cashier Short Jokes

Short grocery store cashier jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grocery store cashier humour may include short grocery clerk jokes also.

  1. A man walks into a grocery store and says, "Three pounds of potatoes, please." The cashier responds, "Sorry, we only sell kilos now."
    "Ah, too bad. Three pounds of kilos, then."
  2. Why can't clerks at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with? Because baggers can't be choosers.
  3. Man walks into a grocery store When the cashier asks if he wants his milk in a bag, he says "No thanks. Keep it in the jug."
  4. I want to buy one of those grocery store dividers but the cashier keeps taking it off the moving belt and putting it back on the rack.
  5. So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips. The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️
  6. Gotta love a dad joke Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'
  7. I was at the grocery store yesterday and the cashier told me to kill myself! I guess that's what you get for using self checkout
  8. Tom Brady walks into a grocery store. He buys a bag of chips, equaling up to $1.75. How much does he give the cashier? 2 dollars, so he gets a quarter back.
  9. I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card. The terminal instruction read "s**... down, facing cashier".
    I locked eyes for dominance.
  10. When checking out at the grocery store, I always pick the cashier who's most likely to have s**... with me. I always end up at the self-checkout.

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Grocery Store Cashier One Liners

Which grocery store cashier one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grocery store cashier? I can suggest the ones about grocery store and walmart cashier.

  1. What did Dave Mustaine say to the grocery store cashier? "Can you put a price on peas?"

Grocery Store Cashier Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about grocery store cashier you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cashier jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grocery store cashier pranks.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A man walks into a grocery store

After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill

A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.

As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."
The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"
"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."

Before I got married I was in a store paying for groceries.

I had a quart of milk, a half dozen eggs and a TV dinner. The cashier looks at me with a smile and says You MUST be single!
I said Why do you say that?
And she said Because your so fu$king ugly!

A nun comes over to a grocery store and yelps at the cashier: "A bottle of r**...".

The cashier obliged, but he couldn't help but ask: "I thought nuns don't drink". "Well, mother sometimes has constipation and a little bit of r**... helps her with that", the nun replied. The cashier nods and a few hours later in the evening, he closes the store and leaves home. On the way, he noticed the same nun, totally drunk, with an empty bottle of r**... in her hand. "I thought you said it was for the mother", the cashiet scolded her. "Well yea exactly, she'll s**... herself once she sees me!"

I was paying for my stuff at the grocery store and a c**... fell out of my wallet.

I was a little embarrassed.
I looked at it, then at the cashier. We both looked down, then back to eachother, then to the corner of the room avoiding eye contact.
I said "Look, I'm really sorry about that. I thought I flushed it."

The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...

I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"

A kid walks into a grocery store

Looks at the cashier with intimidating eyes "Give me this food free of charge or I'll do what my father did"
Fearful for his apparent resolve the cashier lets him leave uncharged.
2nd day the kid back says the same thing, the cashier feels obliged to answer his request.
This goes on for a week and then the cashier asks "What did your father do?"
The kid replies "He went to sleep hungry"

So an emo teenager went to grocery store.

He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm
"Hey, can you scan this?"
The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,
"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"

A Liberian man goes through the line at a grocery store

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, I couldn't help noticing... What accent do you have?" The man replies, "I'm Liberian." The cashier leans forward and quietly whispers, "*My bad. what accent do you have?"*

A guy approaches the cute cashier at the grocery store...

His basket contains a bag of Doritos, a quart of milk, and one TV dinner.
The cashier looks up and says, "You're single, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Cuz your ugly."

My friend's dad confused the cashier

My friend and I were with her dad at the store buying groceries. When asked by the cashier "paper or plastic?" her dad immediately responded with: "Doesn't matter, I'm Bi***sack***tual"
The cashier looked extremely puzzled and started b**... everything in plastic bags, and then placing those into paper bags. We had a good laugh about how fluttered the cashier appeared to be after hearing that response.

A woman goes to the grocery store

A woman goes to the grocery store. It's a regular Saturday afternoon. At the end of the shopping she is going to the cashier. She puts following items on the conveyor belt: pepper, cucumber, salami, ham, cheese and Oreos. The cashier does his job and scanns the items and then asks: "madam, are you single?". The woman is confused and asks: "yes, how do you know?". The cashier replies: "because you are ugly af."

I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"
Me: Hands her a $50 bill
Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"
Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

A single man is in the checkout line at a grocery store...

...and the cashier watches as he places each item on the belt: 1 frozen pizza, 5 TV dinners, 1 bar of soap, and 1 six-pack of Budweiser.
As she takes his money, the cashier looks at the man and says "you must be single, right?"
The man is taken aback. "You can tell that from what I'm buying?" he asks.
The cashier replies, "no, you're just b**...-ugly."

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

A young woman goes grocery shopping...

She wanders through the store more or less aimlessly, finally arriving at the checkout, where she places her items on the conveyor belt: Ramen noodles, a two-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of cheap wine, some grapes, a frozen pizza and a chocolate bar.
The cashier looks at her items, looks at her, looks back at her items and says, "Let me guess, you're single".
"Yeah, you're right", the woman admits, "but how did you know that?"
"Well...", she responds, "you're ugly"

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain…

One of the ladies took out a c**..., cut off the tip and put it over her cigarette.

The other lady said, "Hey, that's a good idea.
What's that called?"
The lady responded, "It's a c**...."
The other lady said, "Where can I get one of those?"
She said, "Oh, just about any grocery of drug store."

So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, "I need to get some condoms."
The cashier looked at her puzzled, because of her age, and said, "Um, what size?"
The lady responded, "Hmm, one that would fit a Camel."

A woman went to a grocery store..

She gets a shopping cart and went to buy the stuff she needs.
First, she bought a tray of eggs.
Next, 3 bottles of milk.
And last, lettuce.
Now that she's done, she went to the cashier and puts her groceries on the conveyer belt.
The clerk, saw the stuff she bought.
He noticed the tray of eggs, the bottles of milk, and the lettuce.
The clerk told the woman, "You must be single."
And the woman, was so shocked and surprised on what the clerk said, "Yes, I am single! How do you know?" asked the woman with a shocked expression.
And the clerk responded, "Because you're ugly."

the old man

Some older guy was following me around at a small grocery store, always about 10 feet back. He kept looking at me and sighing. I thought he was some old gay pervert, but I was wrong. He got to the store's single checkout line just before I did. There he turned to me and told me something quite heart wrenching. He said he was sorry for staring, but I looked exactly like his son who had died fighting in Iraq ten years before. He asked if it would be too weird if he could give me a hug and say goodbye as some sort of closure. I though it harmless so agreed. He gave me a hug and said, good bye, son. And then he left the store with his groceries. As I had my few items scanned and went to pay, I was outraged at the total. It was much more than my few items warranted. I asked the cashier to explain the situation, and she said that my father said I was covering his groceries too.