Grocery Clerk Jokes
21 grocery clerk jokes and hilarious grocery clerk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grocery clerk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grocery Clerk Short Jokes
Short grocery clerk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grocery clerk humour may include short grocery store cashier jokes also.
- Why can't clerks at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with? Because baggers can't be choosers.
- A nun walks into a grocery store Nun: "Hi I'd like to buy a cucumber."
Clerk: "Well, why don't you buy two, so you can eat one." - The clerk at a grocery store asks a man if he needs any bags He replies "no thanks I was married to one once"
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Grocery Clerk One Liners
Which grocery clerk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grocery clerk? I can suggest the ones about store clerk and grocery store.
- I asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the v**... Turns out he was my spirit guide.
Grocery Clerk Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about grocery clerk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sales clerk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grocery clerk pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.
The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have b**... sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car c**... at the intersection. I want to dip.'
Itchipussy
A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.
A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..
A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"
So a pirate walks into a grocery store...
And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims "Are you *really* a pirate!?"
"Aye, matey."
"Whale: aisle B!" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was watching a bunch shoe store clerks arguing at a grocery store checkout line ...
It just kept escalating until an all-out bawl broke out at the store. At the end, the shoe store guys kicked the c**... out of all the grocery packers. Just goes to show...
Baggers can't beat Shoes'ers ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is putting her grocery items on the conveyor belt...
A woman is putting her items on the conveyor belt and the clerk sees, a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. The clerk looks at all of the items and says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman, shocked, says "Yes! How do you know this?" The clerk replies with
"It's because you're ugly"
The new VP
Guy comes home from work and tells his wife, "Guess what? They made me a VP!"
She says, "Big deal. Our grocery store has a VP of apples."
He doesn't believe her, calls the grocery store, asks the clerk to speak to the VP of apples.
Clerk says, "Dried or fresh?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arty
Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET
Herman Himmelman wanted to try fishing
It didn't go very well, for a week he went to the lake every day and didn't catch a single fish. Not willing to endure another evening of jokes pointed at him, on the way home he stops at the local grocery store and asks the store clerk and points at the water tank in the corner
"Hey, could you please pick 4 of the bluegills and throw it at me?"
"Wh...why would you want me to throw it at you?"
"So my wife will believe I caught them"
"Ah, okay, but may I suggest salmon?"
"Why?"
"Mrs. Himmelman stopped by in the morning and said that in case you'd show up she would prefer you to catch a salmon for dinner"
Cheeky
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Got any grapes?
One day a duck walks into a pharmacy. He asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk then replies: "No, we don't sell grapes we are a pharmacy. You want the grocery store around the corner." So the duck says "OK" and walks out.
The next day the same duck comes back into the pharmacy and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk replies "No, I said yesterday that you want the grocery store, this is a pharmacy." So the duck again says "OK" and leaves.
The next day the duck comes back in and asks "Got any grapes?"The clerk then gets very angry and says "Look, this is the third day in a row that you have come in asking for grapes. I told you we dont sell grapes! Now if you come back here again asking for grapes I will nail your feet to the floor!!" The duck then says "OK" and leaves.
The fourth day the same duck comes back in the pharmacy and the clerk notices him right away. The duck says "Got any nails?" The clerk is confused and says "No we dont sell nails, we are a pharmacy. You want the hardware store."
So the duck says, "Good. Got any grapes?"
The lost son
A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him
and said:
"I hope I haven't made you feel
uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son."
"Oh, that's ok," he said.
"I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady
proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back,
and kindly smiled.
Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his
groceries.
"That'll be 105 dollars 35," said the clerk.
"How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things
"Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her"
A young man shopping in a supermarket
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
She then said, "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $137.85," said the clerk..
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Goodbye Mother.
A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said:
"I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son."
"Oh, that's ok," he said.
"I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled.
Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his groceries.
"That'll be 105 dollars 35," said the clerk.
"How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!"
"Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her..."
Fun with cucumbers
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.