Grocery Cart Jokes
32 grocery cart jokes and hilarious grocery cart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grocery cart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grocery Cart Short Jokes
Short grocery cart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grocery cart humour may include short grocery bag jokes also.
- Grandpa: "Back in the day, you could walk into a grocery store with $ 2 and leave with a full shopping cart. But nowadays they have security cameras everywhere!"
- How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty.
(This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store). - gimmie your best dad joke lemme know your best dad joke, i'll start. I was walking in the grocery store yesterday and a dad gave me his cart to use and said i left some gas in it for you
- Why did the cow exit the grocery store with 6 carts teeming with food? She went shopping on four empty stomachs.
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Grocery Cart One Liners
Which grocery cart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grocery cart? I can suggest the ones about shopping cart and grocery.
- Where do pianists put their groceries while they shop? In a Chopin cart.
Grocery Cart Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about grocery cart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grocery shopping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grocery cart pranks.
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little s**...'s name is Kevin."
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
Where is my wife
A young man and an old man bumped shopping carts at the grocery store.
Young man: I am sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. I was looking for my wife.
Old man : Sorry. I was also looking for my wife.
Young man: Well maybe we can look together. My wife is 24. She is 5'2". She has short black hair. She is wearing a pink tube top and blue Jeans. What does your wife look like?
Old man: It doesn't matter. Lets look for yours.
A husband and wife were grocery shopping...
He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only £10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They continue shopping. Later on, she puts a £20 jar of face cream in the basket. "What are you doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. He said, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."
Courtesy of an 8 year old: A man goes to the supermarket
A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.
Cashier: Are you single?
Man: Yes I am, how did you know? Was it because of the miniature groceries?
Cashier: No, it's because you are ugly.
Hey guys. There's a grocery store on my left, a few cars, some people going for lunch, I see a bunch of carts or trolleys, whatever you call them. Please just think about me.
I'm going through a lot right now.
Sometimes at Wal-Mart...
Sometimes at Wal-Mart I like to fill my grocery cart up with wonderful toys. Then I try to find a mother with annoying kids and I hand the kids one of the toys. I make a quick get-a-way so the mother can deal with the aftermath.
Horseback riding gone wrong
Last weekend my daughters and I were going to the grocery store but on the way I spotted a chance to go horseback riding and couldn't pass it up. So I got on the horse and immediately it started trying to buck me off. I'm desperately yelling for help and flailing around but all the people passing by just looked at me funny while even my kids just looked away. I'm scared and I'm hitting the ground and just when I was thinking that I might die this gentleman wearing a Walmart vest stopped pushing carts, unplugged the horse, and saved my life
I was doing some shopping at the supermarket...
...and had a cart full of groceries and a lovely bouquet of flowers. Coincidentally, my wife walked in just as I was checking out.
She noticed the flowers I was buying and jokingly said "Those had better be for me!"
The teenager at the register turned and said "Even if they weren't, they definitely are now!"
A woman is in line at the grocery store when a very drunk man behind her looks the items in her cart and slurs "you mus' be single...!"
She was set to ignore him when she notices her shopping. There's nothing in her cart that would indicate her relationship status...
Curiosity gets the better of her and she answers him
"I am actually, but, how did you know?"
The drunk straightens up slightly and says "cos you're f**...' ugly...!"
A husband and wife at the store realize they're just a few dollars short to pay for the groceries.
So they decide to remove the bread from their cart. The wife notices no one is looking and shoves the bread in her purse. They pay for the groceries and as they walk out of the store the alarm goes off. Immediately the cops come and search only to find the stolen loaf of bread in the woman's purse. The cops put her in hand cuffs and say alright ma'am, the number of slices of bread in this loaf will tell the number of days you spend in jail.
Excuse me officer the husband quickly shouts She also stole this bag of rice.
A man is walking through the grocery store, and puts a case of beer in his cart
His wife says: you don't need that. Put that back.
The husband says: Yes, dear, and puts the case of beer back on the shelf.
Later, the wife picks up a container from the cosmetics aisle and puts it in the cart.
What is this? The husband asks.
It's face cream. I wear it so I can look pretty for you.
How much is it? The husband asks.
$25, she replies.
The husband says: The beer was only six bucks, and it would have done the exact same thing.
A husband and wife were grocery shopping ...
A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asked the wife.
"It's on sale. Only $10 for a case," he replies.
"We can't afford it. Put it back," demands the wife. They continue shopping and a few minutes later the wife puts a $20 jar of face cream into the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
"So does the Budweiser and it's half the price," retorts the husband.
Heard this gem from a coworker yesterday
A man and his wife are out grocery shopping when the husband stops in beer section and gets a 24-pack for $10.
The husband puts the 24-pack in the cart and his wife stops him and say "We can't get that, we have to stick to the budget!" so he puts it back on the shelf.
Later on the wife stops in the cosmetics section and gets a container of face cream for $20. When she puts it in the cart, her husband stops her and says "We can't get that honey, it's not in the budget".
The wife says
"This face cream is what I use to look good!"
The husband says
"Well the beer makes you look good for half the price!"
A woman went to a grocery store..
She gets a shopping cart and went to buy the stuff she needs.
First, she bought a tray of eggs.
Next, 3 bottles of milk.
And last, lettuce.
Now that she's done, she went to the cashier and puts her groceries on the conveyer belt.
The clerk, saw the stuff she bought.
He noticed the tray of eggs, the bottles of milk, and the lettuce.
The clerk told the woman, "You must be single."
And the woman, was so shocked and surprised on what the clerk said, "Yes, I am single! How do you know?" asked the woman with a shocked expression.
And the clerk responded, "Because you're ugly."
Looking for a wife
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
A man brought his son to a grocery store...
A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.
Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon."
A nearby mother was very impressed with the father's self control, and wanted to express her gratitude for such calm parenting. "Sir, I'm amazed that you are able to be so calm! It's not every day I see such patient and gracious parenting. Now little guy, what seems to be the problem, Donald?"
"Oh no, ma'am, you're mistaken!" The father interjected, "This is my son, Henry. I'm Donald!"
^(*Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Thank you for all you do.*)
Two Guys Both Lose Their Wives In A Grocery Store
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
A husband and wife are grocery shopping
The husband grabs a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks his wife.
"It's on sale, just $19.99!"
"Put it back, we can't afford it."
Dejected, the husband puts it back and they continue. A few aisles over, the wife picks out a face cream and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's $40, but it makes me beautiful and s**... for you" says the wife with a smile.
"So does the beer, and at half the price."
A grocery store visit I will never forget
So, I was at my local grocery store pushing my cart along the meat aisle when I directed my attention to the shelves as I pushed farther down. Suddenly I felt my cart hit something and I fixed my gaze forward. At first I couldn't see anything but when I looked down, I realized I had struck a midget.
"Are you okay?" I asked, he responded with an indifferent nod , his face looked pale.
"Are you feeling okay sir?" I further inquired
"Well I'm certainly not happy." He replied
"Then which one are you?"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local grocery store.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife.
They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Two guys meet at the store.
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around the grocery store
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well,
maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours."
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson.
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin."
A man and his wife go grocery shopping...
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
A Loving Grandpa
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Grandad says again in a calm and controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay.
Grandad smiled, and the woman said, William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William.......the little s**...'s name is Kevin."