Grocery Bag Jokes
48 grocery bag jokes and hilarious grocery bag puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grocery bag that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grocery Bag Short Jokes
Short grocery bag jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grocery bag humour may include short grocery cart jokes also.
- Garlic powder $5.99. steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99. Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless
- The great thing about inflation, is if you spend the same on groceries,
the bags are lighter and easier to carry home. - poor guy. The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries...
Until I unpacked them all & said, "That's how I want you to do it." - What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag? One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...
And the other carries groceries. - Man walks into a grocery store When the cashier asks if he wants his milk in a bag, he says "No thanks. Keep it in the jug."
- What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. You put groceries in the other.
- How Is Michael Jackson Different From A Plastic Grocery Bag? Well, one of them is white, made of plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with.
The other one you put groceries in. - While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising. - :Grocery Store : Bag Boy - Paper or Plastic? Mark - Whatever, you Pick. Bag Boy - Sorry, Baggers can't be choosers.
- Gotta love a dad joke Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'
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Grocery Bag One Liners
Which grocery bag one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grocery bag? I can suggest the ones about shopping bag and grocery.
- What did the vegetables say when they got stuck in a grocery bag? Lettuce out!
- I forgot a bag of groceries in my taxi. It's been driving me bananas.
Grocery Bag Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about grocery bag you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plastic bag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grocery bag pranks.
Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.
As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier is surprised when he sees the beer, but the one nun is ready with an explanation. "We use the beer to wash our hair" she says. "At the convent, we call it 'Catholic shampoo.'" Without hesitation the cashier bends down, grabs a package of pretzels, and throws it in one of the nuns' groceries bags, saying "The curlers are on the house."
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.
"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk.
I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro.
I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk.
She has solved the situation very practically.
She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me.
At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty.
After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
A woman walks into a grocery store...
... she grabs a 2 liter bottle of coke zero and a big bag of sugar. she pays for the pop and leaves the store. she is later arrested fro shoplifting. when the police ask why she payed for the coke but not the sugar she said "well it said sugar free"
A Chinese girl parked in a handicap space...
And continues onto the shops, unaware she accidentally parked in the handicap space. Coming back to her car, she sees a ticket inspector writing a bunch of tickets. She has a lot of groceries an is hurried in putting them away. The parking inspector takes one look at her, says 'carry on and have a nice day', and continues walking.
Puzzled, she resumes putting away the bags then decides to continue shopping. She later returns to her car and sees the same parking inspector. She approaches him and asks 'why didn't you give me a ticket earlier for illegally parking?'. The man replied 'love, I'm just happy that you're off the road.'
A cowboy walks into a bar...
...dressed entirely in paper, head to toe. The works. Paper hat, crinkled paper hat-band, grocery bag shirt, newsprint vest, origami guns in cardboard holsters, belts made of those paper links on Christmas trees, butcher's paper pants and chaps, tissue-box boots, and glossy magazine spurs. He nods to the bartender and takes a seat at the poker table. He plays for about half an hour, when the sheriff bursts in and arrests him for rustling.
Itchipussy
A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.
Praise The Lord!
Every day a woman walks outside and Yells "Praise The Lord!". Her atheist neighbor always responds "There is no Lord!". One day the woman went outside and said "Lord please send me groceries". The next morning she found bags of groceries on her front porch and said "Praise The Lord!". Then the neighbor jumped out from behind a bush and said "Ha! Your God didn't buy you those groceries I did! There is no Lord!". The woman replied "Praise The Lord! Not only did he send me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them too!"
The Lumberjack Joke
Two lumberjacks, Bob and Screwball, are working in a mill. All is well until Screwball accidentally leans too far forward and gets his arm chopped off. Bob says "Oh no!", puts the decapitated arm in a plastic grocery bag and drives to the nearest hospital.
The next day, Bob shows up for work at the mill as usual, expecting to have to work twice as hard since Screwball is gone. But when he opens the door, Screwball's right there, arm totally healed, working away as if nothing happened. Bob keeps his confusion to himself and the day goes on as normal.
Screwball, the idiot he is, hasn't learned his lesson, and carelessly leans too forward again. This time, his leg gets chopped off. Bob quickly puts the dismembered leg in a bag and rushes off to the hospital.
Bob goes into work the next morning not knowing what to think. Trusty old Screwball is working away, as if his leg was never gone. Bob is no longer worried. Screwball does the same thing he did the two previous days, leans too far forward, and gets his head chopped off. Bob does what is fairly standard procedure by now - he puts his head in a bag and drives to the hospital.
After a little while, Bob decides to visit his friend. He asks a nurse about him, and the nurse says, "Oh, that guy? He would have made it, but some idiot put his head in a bag and he suffocated to death."
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms...
... He walks up to the lady at the register and says: "Give me a pack of condoms, please." The lady says: "Sure, do you need a grocery bag with that?" The guy looks at her and says: "No thank you, this time she isn't that ugly."
This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…
and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeah—how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."
Waiting in line
A woman is checking out at the grocery store. She buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The man behind her says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's because you are ugly!"
The seven sons
A woman had seven sons, all of whom were named Tyrone. One day, the local newspaper sent a reporter out to interview her. He asked, "Ma'am, whay did you name all of your sons Tyrone?" The woman responded,
"Oh, it's great! If I need to clean the dishes I just yell 'Tyrone come help clean the dishes' and 3 Tyrones help get it done real quick. When I get groceries 'Tyrone help bring in the bags' and 5 Tyrones get it all inside and put away real quick!"
"That's nice," replied the reporter, "but what if you need a specific son?" The woman laughed and said, "Oh that's easy, just call 'em by their last name."
Two natives are sitting at a bus stop
one of them is holding a plastic grocery bag. The other one asks him "What have you got in your bag?" He replies "I got a six-pack for my wife." The second one says "Oh... that's a good trade"
My friend's dad confused the cashier
My friend and I were with her dad at the store buying groceries. When asked by the cashier "paper or plastic?" her dad immediately responded with: "Doesn't matter, I'm Bi***sack***tual"
The cashier looked extremely puzzled and started b**... everything in plastic bags, and then placing those into paper bags. We had a good laugh about how fluttered the cashier appeared to be after hearing that response.
A guy approaches the cute cashier at the grocery store...
His basket contains a bag of Doritos, a quart of milk, and one TV dinner.
The cashier looks up and says, "You're single, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Cuz your ugly."
A local grocery bagger has been b**... cola on top of bread.
Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith
and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations that he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD! God, I need food. I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries."
The next morning, the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "HA...HA. I told you there was no Lord! I bought those groceries, myself! God didn't!"
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the Devil pay for them! PRAISE THE LORD!"
Tom Brady walks into a grocery store. He buys a bag of chips, equaling up to $1.75. How much does he give the cashier?
2 dollars, so he gets a quarter back.
A boy was b**... groceries at a supermarket.
One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
Whats the difference between a bag of potato and an elephant?
U better not do grocery shopping..
Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.
Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.
(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)
The clerk at a grocery store asks a man if he needs any bags
He replies "no thanks I was married to one once"
Bob was grocery shopping in France...
Cashier: That'll be 20 euros.
Bob: Alrighty!
Cashier: Would you like a bag?
Bob: Sure. Baguette. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I like to bring reusable shopping bags to the grocery store
It's important to me to have something to forget and leave in the car.
Due to grocery stores switching from paper bags to plastic bags, a serious problem has arisen.
An unprecedented number of ugly girls have died of asphyxiation during s**....
The bag of flour
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer. It's self-raising.
What are some similarities between a brunette and a steak at a grocery store?
You can't bag either of them.
A staggering drunk knocks over a pregnant lady who is carrying a bag of groceries...
2 eggs and a bottle of ketchup fall and break to the sidewalk. The drunk say "Sorry lady, but it would have died anyway. Its eyes were too far apart.
A husband and wife at the store realize they're just a few dollars short to pay for the groceries.
So they decide to remove the bread from their cart. The wife notices no one is looking and shoves the bread in her purse. They pay for the groceries and as they walk out of the store the alarm goes off. Immediately the cops come and search only to find the stolen loaf of bread in the woman's purse. The cops put her in hand cuffs and say alright ma'am, the number of slices of bread in this loaf will tell the number of days you spend in jail.
Excuse me officer the husband quickly shouts She also stole this bag of rice.
Every day, a woman stood on her porch and shouted ,"Praise the Lord!"
And every day the atheist next door yelled, "There is no Lord!"
One day she prayed, "Lord, I'm hungry. Please send me groceries."
The next morning she found a big bag of food on the stairs. "Praise the Lord," she shouted.
"Ha! I told you there was no Lord," her neighbour said, jumping from behind a bush.
"I bought those groceries." "Praise the Lord!" the woman said.
"He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them."
The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told her to leave it in the carton.
I've probably told checkers that 100 times, and not once did they get the joke.
So I was at my local store...
So I was at my local store and watched the bag packer bring an old ladies groceries out to her car. When I got to the checkout I said, "can you carry my groceries out to my car?". The bag packer said, "sure sir, why not".
We traveled across the car park and when we arrived at my car I said, "you know, I probably could have carried my own groceries to my car but I'm kind of lazy"
He said, "I kind of gathered that sir, here's your snickers"