Grocer Jokes

What are some Grocer jokes?

Vegans think butchers are gross

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.

A man walks into a grocery store.

Asks for a pound of tomatoes.

The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here."

The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then."

When I go grocery shopping, I choose the checkstand with the sexiest checker

Self-checkout every time

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....

Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."

The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."

I have a librarian friend and a grocer friend who rarely want to hang out with me

because they're just too shelf conscious.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting

but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic

because baggers can't be choosers.

At the grocery store.

Customer: "Are these GMO carrots?"
Worker: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"

Grocery shopping on a diet is easy in Germany..

Just look for the *gluten tag*.

They say don't go to a grocery store when you're hungry

But I ran out of food a week ago

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

Grocery store

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

Talking to a vegan today

I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"

100 kisses

A miser wrote a letter to his wife saying that he can't send her money this month, so he sends hundred kisses instead.

She replied a month later saying: Thanks for the kisses, dear, because they helped me a lot. Here's how I spent them: 2 kisses for the milkman, 7 for the grocer, the landlord comes everyday and takes a kiss or two, the butcher and the greengrocer weren't satisfied by the kisses and so I gave them other material, and gave the doorman and the plumber about 40 kisses. I still have 35, and I hope it will last me for the month. I will follow this way for the next months, because it solved many problems for me.

Regards, your loving wife .

A woman asked the grocer if he had any cucumbers.

He said, Yep, they're 79 cents each or two for a dollar. She said, Okay, give me two, I'll eat one.

Grocery produce aisle

ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

At the grocery store today and when asked paper or plastic, I said you make the call the guy replied no can do. ...

I asked why not? To which he replied
Baggers can't be choosers.

I went to the grocery store to grab some milk

But the lady at the cash register said her pump was broken.

What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."

My grocery store always has a few items on sale and today they had cheese and soup so I had to buy it

It was a souper gouda deal

Grocery stores nowadays have amazing selection

We have powdered milk, powdered orange juice, powdered eggs, baby powder...

The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)

A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents.


"What!" she exclaimed, "75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!?

"I can't lady," replied the unhappy grocer, "there's a 95 cent cucumber there."

- Richard Prince

I do my grocery shopping at Office Depot

It's a staple diet.

Why should you never buy food at a place that sells ones and zeros?

Because they're a little bit grocer.

What do grocery stores and the U.S. government have in common?

They're both filled with vegetables.

He has the grocery Liszt

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

A grocery store visit I will never forget

So, I was at my local grocery store pushing my cart along the meat aisle when I directed my attention to the shelves as I pushed farther down. Suddenly I felt my cart hit something and I fixed my gaze forward. At first I couldn't see anything but when I looked down, I realized I had struck a midget.

"Are you okay?" I asked, he responded with an indifferent nod , his face looked pale.

"Are you feeling okay sir?" I further inquired

"Well I'm certainly not happy." He replied

"Then which one are you?"

Selling meat is disgusting,

but selling fruit is grocer.

A blind man walks up to a grocer

Grabs some grapes and asks for the price.
The grocer says, "sir, those aren't grapes, those are my testicles."
The blind man replies, "well, that explains the taste"

Pet Laundry

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"

"I think it was the spin cycle."

How to make Grocer puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Grocer to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Grocer? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Grocer pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes