Groan Jokes
69 groan jokes and hilarious groan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about groan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're into the worst of the worst, then this collection of groan-worthy, lame one-liners and tentacle jokes is for you! Get ready to groan as you read through this hilarious selection.
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Funniest Groan Short Jokes
Short groan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The groan humour may include short moan jokes also.
- My husband said our infant son could microwave... And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.) - What's the difference between a pun and a dad joke? A pun can make you groan, but a dad joke goes even father.
- Where do Squarells live? In Geometrees.
I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles. - Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed? Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone. - You shouldn't be surprised at how your wife reacts to your puns. After all... ...she's a groan woman.
- Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler. "No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter. - Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV? Jar Jar Binks
- when does a joke become a dad joke? (this, of course, from my dad) when it's full groan, of course!
- If this doesn't make you groan I don't know what will... With 2nd lockdown looming in the UK, I saw a man with 4 cases of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 7 sombreros, I think Hispanic buying
- Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish? Because theyre tubular, dude.
I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job.
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Groan One Liners
Which groan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with groan? I can suggest the ones about grumbles and growls.
- Why do dads tell jokes here? For the groan up votes.
- A joke becomes a Dad joke... when it's fully groan.
- ....I used to hate puns too... But they've groan on me.
- I always wait for my Dad jokes to mature. That way they're full groan.
- What do you call a fellow who is over 21 and makes bad puns? A groan man.
- Dad jokes are so wholesome because ... they're home-groan!
- A dad joke becomes apparent when it's full groan.
- I used to hate dad jokes but I've groaned to love them.
- I told my son 10 jokes about the binary system. He groaned at both of them.
- I'm an adult who likes puns... I guess you could say I'm a groan-up.
- What's an antihistamine? An unclehistamines wife
-updoots for groan. - Did you hear about the boy who grew up hating dad jokes? He was a groan man.
- When does a joke become an dad joke? When it's all groan up
- When is a pun good enough to make a dad-joke proud? When it is fully groan.
- What do dads eat for breakfast? Groan-ola!
I'll see myself out.
Worst Groan Jokes
Here is a list of funny worst groan jokes and even better worst groan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This will make you groan.. I like to travel a lot, and last year I flew and visited Hiroshima, Japan. It was fairly cold that day so it wasn't the best day, but it wasn't the worst....
Groan Worthy Jokes
Here is a list of funny groan worthy jokes and even better groan worthy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- two groan worthy jokes I made up over breakfast 1.Q. What do you get when you cross a Triceratops and a lemon?
A. A Dino-sour
2.Q. Were do robots go to worship?
A. Mech-a - Where are all groan-worthy jokes stored? In the dad-a-base!
- The most groan-worthy joke in existence...
Q: How do you catch a rabbit?
A: A hare net.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Groan Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about groan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean croak jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make groan pranks.
A blonde goes to the doctor
The blond says: "Doctor, doctor, look! Anywhere I touch myself it hurts!
-she continues to touch random places on her body she even pokes the doctor's nose and still she lets out a groan-
-The Doctor looks at her and thinks to himself and thinks, and then blurs out-
"Your finger is broken"
Maybe not "particle-ularily" funny...
So a priest walks into his church and sees a Higgs boson particle hanging around; says "what are you doing here?" the particle says "I've always been here - you can't have mass without me..."
*groan*
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
Tim is out drinking one night...
He wants to go home but is extremely drunk so he decides to walk. After two steps he falls down. He stands up, walks another two steps and falls down again. This continues all the way home where he climbs up the stairs in agony but doesn't utter a single groan since he doesn't want his wife to notice and gets into bed next to her, makes sure he didn't wake her up and sleeps.
The next day, his wife tells him: "Tim, you m**...! Didn't I tell you not to go out drinking??? You're a dead loss!" - "But how did you know?" - "You forgot your wheelchair at the bar, that's why!"
A groaner just for you...
Q. What do you have if you are holding a mothball in your right hand and a mothball in your left hand?
A. A **VERY** large moth...
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.
He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty r**....
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
Love Story
I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.
Well, that and s**....
Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns...
...but the third has groan in significance.
My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
My wife complained about all my bad puns
I said, what did you expect? You married a groan man
Husband in bed.
Woman looks deeply unhappy at herself in the mirror while getting ready for bed. She exclaims, Just look at me!..My hair is grey, wrinkles under my eyes, my b**... sag, my legs fat (GROAN!) . Husband, say something nice! Please!
Husband: Well, at least your eyesight is okay!
When I post a joke on my ten year cake day, it automatically becomes a dad joke.
It's become full groan...
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and b**... functions.
The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement." The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I c**... like a cow." "So what's your problem?" ask the others. "I don't wake up until nine!"
A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break
He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
What's wrong with this man? The pharmacist asks his assistant.
He has a terrible cough! The assistant replied. And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.
The customer gives a soft groan as the pharmacist looks horrified.
You can't prescribe laxatives to treat a cough!
Well of course you can, replied the assistant. Look at the customer, he's far too scared to cough
A taste of what my wife has to deal with
My wife was stepping on my back and she suddenly asked "How do dominatrixs not kill people when they do this with stilettos. Do they have to get certified or classes?"
I told her "The only certification for d**... is a master's degree"
Top tier groan in response.
One that made the wife groan
A few weeks ago I was talking to my wife about how our taste buds have changed since we were kids.
I said "Yeah, I still can't handle mushrooms though, they are awful"
Her "I don't know, mushrooms have grown on me"
Me deadpan "Well, you should probably shower more often then."
Fun guy helping daughter prep for her science test
Last night I pulled a classic dad joke on my daughter. Normally this would make anyone groan but because my daughter is cool like me she loved it.
We were studying for her science vocabulary test. When we came to the word organism
she said:
Any living thing. Like an animal, plant or fungi
I said:
You know people think I'm a fun guy (fungi)
(Pause) she looks at me….
Her:
Oh I get it! then we laugh as she explains the joke I made. She's 9.
Classic… My daughter is going to make a great dad one day…
Groaned a whole store with this one.
I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.
I got an all out groan on this one
My son turned 18 and moved out. We turned his room into a home school classroom for my daughters. My wife moved her printer in there and needed to print something a little while later.
Wife- "my phone can't find the printer"
Me- "did you tell it that it moved"
Prepare to chuckle. Or groan
What did the queen say when a fellow threw some cheese at her?
How dairy!
Dad, I really enjoyed pi day!
Great! Just too bad it only comes a-round once a year.
Followed by my daughter shaking her head and the wifey groan.
Proud Dad Moment
My daughter has two in-grown toe-nails, one on each foot. I was preparing some nice warm soaking water for her while my wife asked our daughter how her feet were doing and the conversation went like this:
Mom: How's your toe doing, you have two toes right?
Me/Daughter (at the exact same time): I have ten toes!
My wife gave the necessary groan and laughed, but my daughter and I shared a truly special moment.
I was most proud.
I was so proud of my son
He's 18 and he got a job sandblasting for the summer to save for school. The manager was talking to him during safety orientation and said so sandblasting? That should be fun . He responded yeah it should be a blast He said he got a groan and an eye roll then told me off for being contagious.
A man summons a genie from a lamp
The genie says he'll grant 3 wishes.The man's first wish is for infinite wishes.Well the genie tells the man that he can't wish for more wishes.So the man wishes for an umbrella.The genie does so and then ask Why do you need an umbrella? .The man then says Now shove it up your a**... . With a painful groan the genie does so.He then says Okay w**...,what next? . The man then says Now give me more wishes before I make you open the umbrella
Groaner
Man: My wife and I went to the Caribbean.
Random guy: Jamaica?
Man: No she did it out of her own free will.
A dad joke was explaining the facts of life
A dad joke was explaining the facts of life to his pun.
"You'll be a dad joke one day when you become apparent after you're full groan."
