Grizzly Bear Jokes
107 grizzly bear jokes and hilarious grizzly bear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grizzly bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grizzly Bear Short Jokes
Short grizzly bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grizzly bear humour may include short grizzly jokes also.
- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
- What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned) ICE-cream!
-What is a black bear's favorite food?
Blackberries!
-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?
Campers. - What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
- TIL grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation. In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear!
- Rarely, hikers of the Appalachian trail report seeing psychic grizzlies take control of their friends, who start foraging and looking for honey... Bear in mind, that doesn't happen very often.
- What's the difference between Betsy DeVos and a Grizzly Bear? Betsy DeVos is an actual threat to school children.
- Pretty sure Betsy DeVos said the grizzly metaphor because the 2nd amendment says, The right to bear arms.
- My wife gets really upset when I tell the same joke about a grizzly and her cubs at every party we go to. But I think it's bears repeating.
- What does a grizzly wear under his fur? Under-bear.
- What do you call a very flexible grizzly bear? Yoga Bear.
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Grizzly Bear One Liners
Which grizzly bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grizzly bear? I can suggest the ones about bears grizzly and brown bear.
- Did you hear about the Grizzly that killed a camper? He used his bear hands
- A grizzly walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartended asks "hey you 21?"
"Bearly" - My friend got mauled by a bear.... but i'm not gonna discuss the Grizzly details......
- I was searching for bear photos When I made a grizzly discovery
- What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car? The bear maximum
- What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear with a lawn mower? Killed.
- Why are Grizzlies such horrible employees? They will only do the bear minimum
- How do you catch a Grizzly without traps? With your bear hands.
- What does a minimalist grizzly have on him at all times ? The bear essentials.
- Here's a picture of a dead grizzly.. Nevermind. I can't bear it.
- What do you get when you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear? A Bi-Polar Bear.
- Timothy Treadwell, the "Grizzly Man", died doing what he loved... ... feeding the bears
- Why was the sterile Grizzly upset? Because he couldn't Bear children.
- How does a grizzly catch fish? With his bear hands!
- What kind of headphones does a grizzly use? Bear pawds
Comical Grizzly Bear Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about grizzly bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean polar bear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grizzly bear pranks.
When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must of shot the bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.
The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.
The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.
The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.
Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
My friend got attacked by a bear recently
It was really grizzly.
An 80-year old man gets a check-up...
An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
80 year old man and young bride
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 30 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Czechoslovakian and the German
A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt.
After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the two men decide to go out alone. After hiking through rugged mountains for hours they come into a clearing and see two bears, a male and a female. The German takes aim and pulls the trigger... "Click"! The all expense paid trip didn't come with ammo. The sound startled the bears and they charged. The Czech pulls his knife and rushes at the bears. The German tries to pull his p**... but stumbled backwards, hit his head, and fell into a river. When he comes to he sees the guide kneeling over him.
After being briefed on the situation they
decide to track the bears and save the Czech. They find the female bear chewing on a boot, the guide takes aim and... "Bang!", the bear is dead. The two men cut open the bear and her stomach is empty except for a few fish. The German utters the immortal words," The Czechs in the Male"
A man went hunting in Alaska.
A man was hunting in Alaska when he found himself confronted by a small, agitated bear. In order to survive, he shot it. Feeling hungry, he decided to utilize it and cook dinner in the woods.
It was tasty, even though it was a little grizzly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
A priest was hunting in the woods.
He searches and searches but can't find any animals. Finally in frustration he throws his gun down and heads to the stream to cool off. About this time he sees this huge grizzly bear racing toward him.
He falls on his knees and says, 'God please, protect me. I am asking you God, please convert this bear into a Christian.'
Miraculously, the bear freezes in his tracks, puts both paws toward heaven and says, 'Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it
Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can tell which is in the area. Black bear s**... will be smaller and will have berries and squirrel fur in it. Grizzly s**... will be larger, smell like pepper, and have bells in it.
3 Bears walk into a bar
I made up this joke in the shower the other day and have been trying to decide if it is a Great Bad joke or an Awful real joke. I hope you have an opinion on it.
A Black Bear, a Grizzly Bear, and a Panda walk into a bar.
The Black bear walks up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me sir, do you have any honey?"
The bartender says, "Sorry man, this is a bar. We don't serve honey."
The black bear says "Fine then! I'll take my business elsewhere!" and storms out.
After a moment, the grizzly bear walks up to the bar and says "Excuse me, do you have any salmon?"
The bartender sighs, and says "sorry man, we don't have any salmon."
Irritated, the Grizzly bear says 'Well then, I'm going to have to take my business elsewhere" and storms out.
The panda bear, who'd been watching the whole time walks up to the bar and plops down on a stool. He looks at the bartender and says "Jeez - those guys. Bunch of Amateurs, right?"
The bartender is a bit relieved as he says "Totally dude. Anyway, what can I get for you?"
The panda thinks for a minute and says "Oh, nothing fancy. I'll just take some bamboo."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UNBELIEVABLE!!! Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber p**... !
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection.
A bear joke
Two guys check in at the ranger station before heading to their camp and the ranger says, "Keep an eye out for bears... they can outrun any human". The guys get to camp, set up and just as they're getting ready to relax, they look up the hill and see a huge grizzly bear roar and start charging down towards them. One of the guys immediately sits down and starts lacing up his shoes. The other guy, in disbelief, says "What are you doing?!? The ranger said we can't out run that thing"... and his buddy replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear... I just need to outrun you."
A bear joke
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
What do you give a shaven grizzly for a headache?
Bare Bear Bayer
A man goes out for a walk in the woods.
Suddenly, he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He starts walking closer, curious, when all of a sudden, a huge mound of fur jumps in front of him.
It's a grizzly bear.
Absolutely terrified, the man thinks to himself, 'Welp, time to pray.' But what to pray for?
Suddenly, a brilliant idea comes to him.
"Dear God, please make this bear a Christian. Christians can't kill people."
A second later, the bear drops to its knees, and puts its paws together in a manner akin to praying, and growls. "Dear Lord, I thank you for this meal I am about to receive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Was forced to have a t**... with a clown and a grizzly.
Just had to grin and bear it.
What do you get when you cross a white cow with mad cow disease and a grizzly bear?
A bi-polar bear.
Never eat bear steaks...
they're too gristly. (grizzly if you didn't get it)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Look. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, gay, straight, male or female.
We all taste the same to a grizzly bear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did anyone hear about the Grizzly who was sick of giving birth to n**... cubs?
She could barely bear to bear bare bare bears.
What do ya call a grizzly who's interested in both sexes?
Bipolar Bear
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The courier delivered only half of my grizzly outfit today...
So I choked him with my bear hands.
What did the grizzly bear study at college?
He was an Ursa Major
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"did you hear the one about the grizzly who-"
dude stop
"it's just a joke man"
i know it's s**... but-
*points to my date*
bear with me
I heard a rude joke about Grizzlies the other day...
...but it doesn't bear repeating.
Why didn't the grizzly bear dissolve?
Because he wasn't polar
Why don't grizzly's replace their legs with human arms?
Because they have the right to bear arms.
An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.
He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.
What do birds and grizzly bears have in common?
Very little, actually.
I hate grizzly bears...
I guess you could say they're... unbearable
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a bear covered in a bunch of crows?
A grizzly m**...
I threw some Grizzly on my Weber the other day at the BBQ...
Yeah, Bear Grills.
I once had an encounter with a Grizzly
Its a long story, but just bear with me
What do you call a bear that knows Kung Fu?
Grizzly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grizzly ate my parrot yesterday...
Now its just my bird in da bear.
What does a Grizzly take with him when he goes camping?
The Bear necessities
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best way to protect yourself from grizzly bears is to wear bells and carry pepper spray
Next you need to be able to identify their f**..., it has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
What do you call it when a panda bear disguises itself as a grizzly bear?
Panda-ception
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once f**... in the woods
Then i saw a grizzly walking with his paw in front of his nose.
I think He couldn't bear the smell
What does a Grizzly say when he calls customer sevices?
Just bear with me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does one keep a grizzly away from their campsite?
By setting up a bear-icade you dummies.
Girl: So how did you hurt your foot?
Boy: Well we were camping out and this giant Grizzly Bear came out of nowhere, reared up on his hind legs, roared, and then started charging us! So I ran in front of him, shouting, "Oh no you don't!' And then I kicked him where it hurts the most and he ran off into the woods whimpering.
Girl: Wow! Was everyone OK?
Boy: Well I feel sorry for that one fellow.
Girl: What fellow?
Boy: The one wearing the Grizzly Bear suit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]
If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.
It would help to learn the s**... of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.
Brown and black bear's is small and dark.
Grizzly's is large, light in color, has bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
What did one grizzly bear said to the other, ravaging through a campground and finding some wine bottles?
always remember that the red wine goes well with a hunter, and white - with a fisherman
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.
The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.
I called the zoo today to see how many of my pet grizzlys they would take off my hands
They said they have a bear minimum
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once killed an adult male Grizzly bear on a ski trip in Alaska with a small serrated knife.
I had no idea grizzlies could ski or where the bear got the knife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a grizzly bear and a police officer?
The bear will m**... you in cold blood BEFORE you can start running away from it.
Did you hear about a man that was being attacked by a grizzly this morning?
He BEARly survived.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Fed Ex driver only delivered part of my grizzly costume
I was so mad, I choked him with my bear hands
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the male polar bear have s**... with the female grizzly?
Because of global warming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mad scientist....
A mad scientist cut my feet off and replaced them with those of a grizzly bear. I now
Have unnatural paws
Brown bears vs. grizzly bears
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you survive a grizzly bear attack with only a .22 p**...?
Shoot your hiking partner in the leg.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A worker at the Taxidermy Department Store notices some damage to a couple of grizzly exhibits
The front right leg on each of the works has been removed.
The worker sprints to the front of the store to alert his manager of the vandalism. On his way, he spies a r**... carrying the missing appendages.
"SIR!" the worker shouts. "You have damaged valuable pieces of merchandise. Exit the store. IMMEDIATELY!"
"Why?" drawls the r**... innocently. "I have the right two bear arms!"
Camping
A blonde was out camping in the woods one day when she encountered a big Grizzly bear. Just when she was about to run, she remembered hearing that playing dead can save her life.She was told to be completely still and not make any noise. As she laid on the ground playing dead she felt the bear sniffing around her body.Just when the bear was about to walk away, her phone rang and the bear shifted its attention to the phone.The blonde then got up and walked passed the bear and answered the phone saying '" shhhhh I'm playing dead".
