Grips Jokes
27 grips jokes and hilarious grips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest jokes about death grips, mitts, turbulence and beams! With a curated selection of the top jokes about these subjects, you'll be sure to have a good laugh.
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Funniest Grips Short Jokes
Short grips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grips humour may include short grabs jokes also.
- Why did the gorilla become an accordion player? It had a strong grip and a great sense of rhythm.
- What do you call a shoe with no grip? A slipper.
(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else) - With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?" Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
- Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms? Better grip.
Happy Halloween :) - losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike My dad having a firm grip on my shoulders .
- I watched a gripping rock-climbing documentary on netflix the other day It was great but it ended on a cliffhanger
- Over the weekend, I watched a documentary on the proper way to hold hand tools... ...it was gripping.
- A drunk guy gets pulled over and the cop said, "May I see your license, please?" The guy said, "You people need to get a grip. One day you take it away from me and the next day you ask to see it."
- What do you call Gaffer with one hand? A Light-y
What do you call a Grip with one hand?
An Evening Alone. - A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog... He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"
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Grips One Liners
Which grips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grips? I can suggest the ones about grasp and fists.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip
- Why dont witches wear underwear? So they can get a good grip on the broomstick
- What kind of underwear do witches wear? None. Better grip when flying.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on the broom.
- Why don't witches ever wear underwear? Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...
- What is the difference between pink and purple? The grip.
- Why are ribs so good? Because you get a better grip.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? Better grip on the broom!
- So I watched a documentary on tires yesterday. It was gripping.
- Why do witches wear a skirt? So they can grip the broom.
- Get a grip! Wow... or not. Looks like I'll be climbing this mountain alone.
- Why did the witch go commando? She needed some better grip on her broomstick.
- What is the best tool for getting a handle on your gambling addiction? A vice grip.
- I regret skipping grip day. Because now I can't get a hold of myself.
- What should you never say to a neurotic strangler? Get a grip, pal!
Death Grips Jokes
Here is a list of funny death grips jokes and even better death grips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just flew into town and man are my arms tired.... ....I had a window seat on SouthWest airlines. Death grip on the armrests the entire flight.
Playful Grips Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about grips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean claws jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grips pranks.
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
A man was dying
A man was dying in hospital. In his last moments, he grips his wife's hand and says:
Before I die, I have to confess to you. I've been sleeping with your best friend for the past year. I'm sorry.
She gently s**... his hair and says:
I know. That's why I poisoned your coffee. Now close your eyes, dear...
Why do barbie dolls have purple n**...?
Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...
It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...
"I'm scared" said the little girl.
"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"
A man and a little girl walk into a forest...
...It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees.
"I'm scared" said the little girl.
"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"
In what kind of accident will you lose both your hands and your eyes?
An accident you cant quite come to grips with because you never saw it coming.
My m**... addiction is getting bad
I'm right in the grips of it.
Old people's home
Old Jimmy is sitting outside the old people's on the veranda on a large weave chair. Old Daisy comes up and sits right next to Jimmy and 10 minutes of silence she puts her hand down the front of his pants, grips the contents and keeps it there. After that Jimmy and Daisy become a couple. Every day the same routine out on the veranda.
A couple of months later a mutual friend Old Frank see Daisy on her own and she's crying. Frank says "Daisy, what's a matter? What has upset you so much?" She blubbed "Jimmy has left me for Matilda". Frank said sympathetically "But you're much younger and prettier than Matilda". Daisy said "They're both now on the veranda doing our thing, but she's got Parkinson's"
The bottom suddenly falls out of a plane.
All passengers hold themselves up in the conveniently placed assist grips.
The usual jingle is heard through the speakers, as the co-pilot speaks slowly and clearly: "Just now, all of our fuel has been used."
The frightened passengers look at each other.
The pilot speaks again with heavy breathing: "We need to lose some weight to assure a safe landing. If you are unselfish, brave and willing to be a hero, please let go of the assistive grips."
A deep voice pierces the air. "I'm on it" a middle-aged man says, letting go and falling to his doom.
Amused by his empathy and bravery, the rest of the passengers proceed to clap.
One cold January morning
On a cold January morning a f**... was being held for a man who passed away. After the service the pal barers are caring the coffin out of the church. As they walk down the steps one man slips and loses his grip on the casket causing the others to lose their grips. The coffin goes sliding down then steps, into the road and down a hill. At the bottom of the hill it crashes through the front window of a local pharmacy and goes crashing through the whole store and slams into the counter in the back. As soon as it hits the coffin opens and the dead guy sits up. The Pharmacist asks How can i help you? The dead guy says Ya you got anything to stop this coffin?
