Grin Jokes
90 grin jokes and hilarious grin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Grin Short Jokes
Short grin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grin humour may include short smile jokes also.
- A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To bock traffic.
(A kid I work with told this to me with the biggest grin on their face, I had a laugh and felt the need to share this.) - I had to be rushed in for an emergency open heart surgery today, My doctor grinned as he handed me a scalpel, "Fixing your heart yourself would give you a sense of pride and accomplishm-..."
- Grandchild: grandma have you done 69 before? *grin* Grandma: no honey, I did only 53, we live in a small community
- A man is asked by his friends why he doesn't have a life insurance policy "Because I want everybody to be really sad when I die!" He grins.
- Soviet pessimists and optimists Soviet pessimist say "Ilya, things couldn't possibly get any worse"
Soviet optimist, with a big grin, says "Yes they can Sasha" - Little Johnny goes up to Dad… … and asks "Dad, what is a transsexuel person?" Dad starts grinning an says "Ask Mom, he'll explain."
- My little brother told me this one Why do ducks have feathers? He says grinning through his teeth
Why?
To cover there But-Quacks! He says absolutely dyeing - Donald Trump is like a Halloween pumpkin... Orange, full of slime, evil grin, and thrown out in early November.
- Between transformers One transformer said to the other "hey nice shoes"
The other then replied, with a grin on his face "thank you, they're... vans"
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Grin One Liners
Which grin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grin? I can suggest the ones about chuckle and grate.
- What do you call a smiling man holding a scythe? A grin reaper
- What do you call the happy fellow that brings death to the people? The grin reaper
- What happens when America interferes Narcos' business Grin-goes
- A comedian enters a bar. He orders a grin.
- Try not to laugh or grin challenge IMPOSSIBLE - Funny
- How Wolverine makes babies smile Claws open! Claws open! \
- What has 5 legs and a big grin? Pit-bull in kids sandpit
- You are probably grinning at the date today.
- Was forced to have a t**... with a clown and a grizzly. Just had to grin and bear it.
Witty Grin Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about grin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smirks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grin pranks.
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
A man sees a f**... procession...
... with nearly one hundred men following a man and his dog behind the two hearse's. The man goes up to the lead man and asks what happened. He is answered, "My dog killed my wife and her mother." With a slight grin, the man covers his mouth and says, "You think you might be able to lend me that dog?" To which he is answered, "Get in line."
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
The Costume Party
The local pub once held a costume party. The bartender announced to the patrons that they must all come dressed up as their "love life". Sure enough, the day of the party arrives and the bartender spots some old g**... dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He says "Oi, mate. You were supposed to come dressed up as your love life!"
With a shrug and a sly grin the other man says "Oh, I have. My four scores were seven years ago."
A man walks into a bar...
And has the bartender line up 5 shots. The man takes all 5 shots in under a minute to the bartender's surprise.
"Wow, what's the occasion?" the bartender asks.
"First b**...," the man replies with a slight grin.
"Congrats! The next one's on me," the bartender offers
"No thanks. If 5 shots haven't gotten the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the 6th will"
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...
..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best b**... in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last b**... I ever have to."
a child is walking with a stick
when another kid walks up to him and start picking on him. "your stick is s**... and you're ugly!". the child shrugs his shoulders and asks "you know how they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?". "yeah, so what?" responds the kid. the child flashes a grin, looks the kid straight in the eyes and whispers "my sticks name is beauty"
A n**... man...
... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
A man opens the door for his moother-in-law
And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"
So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...
and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...
Crazy Jokes
Read Crazy Jokes online and giggle a far reaching measure wildly and toss from your starting and end bothers and strains. The psyche blowing framework for living with a colossal grin standard.
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
A man stumbles out of a bar
A man, completely wasted, stumbles out of a bar. He begins his relatively long and unbalanced journey home. After a few blocks he notices a nun walking on the other side of the street. He stops dead in his tracks and gets this s**...-eating grin on his face. Suddenly, he bolts over to the nun and starts dishing out a violent beat down. After about 10 minutes the man finally relents, stands up, spits on the nun and says "ain't so tough now are ya, batman"
Why is the Grinch seeking out a contract lawyer?
To help get rid of the Santa Clauses
"Wanna hear a joke?" my friend says
"Sure, I could go for a joke." I answer.
With a stoic face, he simply says "s**...."
I laugh nervously and respond "I don't get it..."
His face erupts into a grin as he says "And you never will!"
A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...
He strolls up to o**... serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"
The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"
Being single in valentines day its not painful
If yo dont have a partner in valentines day, then dont be sad..
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Not every people have Aids On Aids Day grin emoticon
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Being single in valentines day its not painful, BuT
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Not Having Mom In Mothers Day, its Really Painful
George stops at red light...
A beautiful blonde stops just beside him.
George pull down his window.
She also pull down her window.
George smiles and asks with a grin on his face " you also f**...?"
A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.
She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".
Why did the grinch cross the road?
HE HAS TOO MUCH LONGER LEG !!!!
He drank an entire bottle of olive oil?
Daughter: "Where's the olive oil?"
Father: "I drank it."
Daughter: "You drank an entire bottle of olive oil?"
Father: Without so much as a grin, "Yes, olive it."
You know what grinds my gears?
When I'm low on transmission fluid.
My 8 year old son made me laugh with a dad joke...
We were trying to decide where to eat, I offered up Buffalo Wild Wings, but my son and daughter were being indecisive. I finally said ok guys, make up your mind My son replied with a c**... grin "C'mon Mom we'll just wing it"...he then burst into laughter for five minutes....his fathers humor is really rubbing off on him.
My wife told me she used to be a lesbian once
"You mean I turned you?" I asked with a grin.
"No...." she replied wistfully. "I just ran out of money."
Paternal Payback
On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side? I asked.
Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl, Dad replied. Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.
A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery
The man says to his wife, "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?"
The wife becomes started by her husband's inquiry but replies, "Well I would take half of it and then leave you."
With a huge grin on his face, her husband says, "Perfect! I won ten dollars!"
Do you know what grinds my gears?
Do you know what grinds my gears? I have to read the aforementioned title twice for most jokes.
You know what grinds a Germans gear?
Nothing, they are too well engineered.
A genie grants a husband's wish
A genie grants a husband's wish, "Every time I have s**... with my wife she will lose 5 pounds."
The husband and wife have their weekly love making and the next morning the wife weighs herself and notices the loss.
With a big grin the husband says "Maybe every time you have s**... you lose 5 pounds?"
She replies If that were true I should be down 15 pounds this week.
You've heard of a DEADpan expression. Well, a BEDpan expression...
THAT's a s**...-eating grin!
Student walks into professor's office
She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"
The jumper ....
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit s**...," she says.
s**... driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing s**...?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."
g**... on left
Thats how you remember how the Mexican flag looks.
Green-goes-on left.
PS: Not my joke, heard it on the radio today.
What would the Grinch call a p**...?
A Whoore
A female flight attendant walks down the isle and offers a man some headphones.
Would you like some headphones? She asks.
The man smiles a large grin.
Why certainly! He says, And how did you know my name was Phones?
I saw a very large woman in a bar wearing a T-shirt that said 'I'm a Man-Eater'
I walked up to her, shot her a grin and she told me "Let me guess, you've got a joke about how many men I've eaten?"
I simply told her she spelled manatee wrong.
They said no grinding at prom.
I still brought my skateboard.
A posh hunter is roaming the forest
He comes to a clearing where a startlingly beautiful woman lies n**... before him.
He looks her up and down, smiling knowingly. Are you game? He asks with a huge grin on his face.
Oh yes she replies sensually.
So he shoots her.
What do you get when you grind up Kim Jung Un's junk, mix in some shredded potatoes, ball them up and deep fry them?
dicktator tots
My Girlfriend is super obsessed with Star Trek...
So one day we went rock climbing and we were talking about species, I asked her: "How many can you name?" She gave me a grin and said "Roluman, Bajoran, Cardassian, Ferengi, Borg..." She got preoccupied and fell to the bottom of the cliff. "You forgot to Kling-On!"
"They grow up so fast"
I think the only time I've ever said that phrase with a grin on my face, was at my mother-in-law's f**....
Three vampires enter a dim bar in Kent.
The barmaid asks "What'll you have gentlemen?"
Flashing his best spooky grin, the first vampire says "I'll have a glass of blood" When she asks second vampire, he says,"Glass of blood please" She looks at the third vampire and he smirks and says, "I'll take a glass of plasma"
She shrugs and yells down the bar "Two bloods and a blood lite".
Kid flys by a sitting cop car in excess of the speed limit.
Of course the cop chases him and stops him. With a big grin on his face the cop says I've been waiting for you all morning.
And the kid says, " well I got here as fast as I could."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed...
The chicken's got a big, satisfied grin on his face, and he's lying there smoking a cigarette. The egg, on the other hand, doesn't look so happy. Her little brow is furrowed and she has a frustrated frown. She looks at the chicken and grumbles, "Well, I guess we answered that question!"
Man to priest: I sinned with an 18 yr old girl yesterday.
Priest: Squeeze the juice of 18 lemons and drink it.
Man: Will this free me of my sin?
Priest: No, but it'll free you of that huge grin off your face!
A father is waiting for his newborn child outside a hospital
A doctor comes out holding the child by the leg, and walks over to the man. The father asks: "Is it a girl or a boy?". But the doctor smashes the baby on the concrete wall, and the father faints. The father wakes up on a hospital bed in a room, and the doctor is staring at him with a grin. The doctor says: "Alright alright i was joking, the baby was dead before it was even born".
Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Why is Grindr the official hookup platform of Thanksgiving?
Gobble gobble gobble.
Do you know what really grinds my gears?
When my maintenance guys fail to inspect them for the proper mesh and clearance.
How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas party?
He took a Who-ber.
This Grindr App is Trash
Had it for a week now and still can't find anyone to skate with.
A man and a woman were sitting next to each other in bar.
They were having a casual conversation when she suddenly leaned over and asked him, "You smell amazing, what do you have on?"
The man smiled an impish grin and replied, "I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it!"
Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.
Looks like someone found the back door.
You know what really grinds my gears?
A bad synchromesh
My son was dating a girl, Stephanie, that I wasn't really fond of...
The last time he brought her over to the house, I said with a smile 'Hi there Amber!' She had a look of horror. 'Sorry, I can't keep all these girls' names straight' I said with a grin. I haven't seen her since!
I was watching The Human centipede with this guy, and I could tell just by looking at him that he was really enjoying the movie.
He had this s**...-eating grin on his face the entire time.
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Take that look off your face
A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
"Bless me father, for I have sinned," he says. "I've spent the week with seven beautiful women."
"Do not fret, my son," says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice."
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?"
"No, but it'll wipe that s**... smile off your face."
[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,
roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"
After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!
They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..
and that's when you raise your arms and exclaim, "It's a ***TIE***!!"
Great grandma calling her shot
My great grandmother was notorious for kind of edgy but hilarious jokes.. she also lived to 103 and 50 weeks.
At her f**... her daughter told my brother and I about the last time she saw her. She said she was getting everything together to leave and had told her mother goodbye and that she'd be back in a few weeks to see her for her birthday. My great grandmother, said with a grin and a big laugh well, you better bring a shovel!
You know what really grinds my gears?
Not using the clutch pedal
A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...
The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."
The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"
The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is so superior, we put 50 devil dogs in the jungle, and only 10 were found!"
Finally, a clearly distraught sailor on his 6th shot of whiskey says, "Our camouflage was so terrible, we pushed 50 sailors into the ocean, and only 5 were found."
A man gets on a plane and sits next to a uniform cop
The man has the biggest s**... eating grin on his face.
Half way though the flight, the cop has had enough of the grinning man and says "what's the big deal buddy? Never seen a cop on a plane before?"
"No sir, it's not that. You're the reason my wife will finally let me do that ONE thing in bed."
Puzzled, the cop asks why.
"Well, my wife said we could do that only when pigs fly"
You know what really grinds my gears?
A lack of lubrication.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Not depressing the clutch fully before trying to switch gears.
I got Grindr and Dominoes mixed up when I went to order
Regardless there is an 8 inch meat feast on the way and I'm scared.
Grindr
I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game tone…my husband plays it all the time.
Why doesn't the Grinch like knock knock jokes?
Because there's always Whos there!
A man goes to see a psychologist...
The man tells the doctor that he has a recurring nightmare in which two teams of rats play football.
The doctor said: 'Take this pill, and tonight the nightmare is gone.'
'I can't do that.' The other one said.
'Why not?' The doctor asked, puzzled.
With a grin on his face, he said: 'The final game of the season is tonight.'
A man goes to see a psychologist..
'Doctor, I keep dreaming about two teams of rats dressed like humans that play football.'
'I see. Take this pill tonight, and the dream will be gone.'
'No, no. I can't do it tonight.'
'Why not?' Asked the puzzled doctor.
With a grin, the man said. 'Tonight's the final game of the season.'
