Grief Jokes
42 grief jokes and hilarious grief puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grief that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Grief Short Jokes
Short grief jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grief humour may include short grieving jokes also.
- Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief? They keep getting stuck in de Nile
- Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.
- What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.
- My friend told me "the first stage is grief" "Isn't it denial?" I replied.
"No, not for me" - Why did the Egyptian go swimming as soon as his mom passed away? De Nile is the first stage of grief
- Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die?
Husband: I will go mad with grief.
Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you?
Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything! - Why won't you ever find Harry, Hermione or Ron crying in front of the rest of the school? Cuz, they belong to the bravest house.
They don't cry publicly; they Grief-indoor. - What did the misogynist general exclaim in grief when his soldiers died in war? #notallmymen
- Thought I would do something admirable this holiday season and donate a kidney but I got nothing but grief from the Salvation Army bell ringer who's bucket I was trying to shove it in
- Every animal goes through the stages of grief (denial, bargaining, anger, deppresion, etc.) except ants, for some reason.
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Grief One Liners
Which grief one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grief? I can suggest the ones about mourning and sadness.
- My grief counselor suddenly died. Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.
- What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian? Denile.
- Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you Use your grief-case
- How did Charlie Brown adaptively respond to snoopy's evemtual death? Good grief.
- The best friend of us is tissue Next to you in grief
Next to you at the peak of pleasure - Why did the Grief Counselor cross the road? \-To get to the other sigh...
- My grief counsellor died recently, I was fine with that.
- Can't believe how much grief people give fat people, they have feelings too! Hungry
- The Southern stages of grief: - Aw naw
- Aw h**... naw
- Y'all done up and done it naw
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Grief Jokes
What funny jokes about grief you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depression jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grief pranks.
The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.
"He stopped calling for help yesterday
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Draco Malfoy's f**... service take place outside?
Because he hated grief indoors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
A man is visiting his mother's grave at the cemetery.
He notices another man on his knees weeping wildly and exclaiming, "Oh why did you have to die? Oh WHY did you have to die??" First man says to him, "I'm so sorry for your grief. You two must have been close". Second man wipes away tears and replies, "Oh, I never knew him". Puzzled, the first guy asks, "If you never knew him then why are you so upset? Who was he"?. Second guy stood up and said, "He was my wife's first husband".
[old indian joke] while on a tour of Tajmahal, the guide was explaining how Shahjahan built this tomb for his wife due to grief.
My wife asked : would you build me one like this ?
I replied " I already bought vacant land, now it's your turn" .
My therapist wanted to tell me about the 5 stages of grief. I said...
But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Thanks for ruining my good mood... Okay, tell me all about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cocktail
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff v**...." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just want to let all of the Hillary supporters out there that I share their grief.
I post it to facebook where me and my friends can laugh at it together.
Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....
He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.
She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."
Recurring Visions
This is an old one.
A man goes to a psychologist and says "Doc, you have to help me. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes my mother is right there giving me grief. When I open them, it's even worse, there she is again nagging and bullying me. Sometimes its so bad, at night time, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."
The doctor looks at him and replies "What? One piece of toast? For a big boy like you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think Holocaust deniers actually took what happened worse than the rest of us...
I mean, they're still stuck on the first stage of grief.
Dumb one-liner of the day: I imagine veterinarians who treat ducks put up with a lot of undeserved grief.
A man placed
some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, " Why did you die? Why?! Why did you die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"
The mourner answered, " My wife's first husband! Why did you die? Why did you die?!"
"My wife's first husband."
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."
