Grenade Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Grenade puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Grenade

When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

A wife is like a hand grenade...

remove the ring and your house is gone!

A wife is like a hand grenade...

Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?

Remove the ring and your house is gone

How are a grenade and a wife similar?

If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone

Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in?

I need a quick answer to this question

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

A wife is like a hand grenade

you take away the ring, and there goes your house

What do a woman and a grenade have in common?

Pull off the ring and the house is gone.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade

This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

Sad news from Australia

The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

A blonde threw a grenade at another

So she pulled the pin and threw it back.

The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"

What do you call a hand grenade that was thrown into a french kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart

What is the difference between a hand grenade and a feminist ?

A hand grenade only gets triggered once

Hey guys quick question, can you put a pin back in a grenade?

Gonna need a fast answer for this one...

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

What do you get when you throw a grenade inside a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blonaparte :)

What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"ο»Ώ

How is a hand grenade and your wife similar?

Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?

A weapon of mass destruction

Keanu Reeves threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then it exploded

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.

- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.

- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.

- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?

You have to pull the ring out of a grenade, to make it blow a bunch of other guys.

What do you get if you throw a grenade in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart

A blonde threw a grenade at me

So I pulled the pin and threw it back

Can you put the pin back in a grenade?

It's kind of urgent. Need and answer fast.

Grenades are like wives

take off the ring and you have no house.

Can you put a pin back in a grenade?

no really guys I need an answer ASAP

I remember what my dad said before he kicked the bucket

He said, "I'm gonna kick this bucket."
Unfortunately there was a grenade in that bucket

Tell your favorite fart joke growing up. More terrible the better.

Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head.

A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head.

The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked the boy what was so funny and he said, "When I farted, my house blew up."

Third grade forever

A priest, a thief, and a soldier.
(Long)

A thief, a priest, and a soldier were all in a plane that's about to crash. They each decide to drop something so they can look for it just in case they survive. The priest drops a bible, the thief drops a knife, and the soldier drops a grenade.

The plane crashes, and, miraculously, they survive. They go their separate ways and begin to search for their items.

The priest is walking around and see's a little girl crying. He says "Little lady, why are you crying?" and she looks at him and says "The holy book came down and killed my Doggy!" and then she ran away.

The thief is trudging about and also see's a little girl crying. He looks at her and says "Little girl, why are you crying?"
And the little girl screams, "A knife came from the sky and killed my mommy!" and then she ran away.

Now the soldier is looking for his grenade and sees a little boy laughing. The soldier says, "Little boy, why are you laughing?" and the boy says "My daddy farted and the building blew up!"

Hitler and his crew were walking down the village looking for people to capture and decided to take a break near the well where 3 remaining people happened to be hiding

Being afraid of getting captured, they came up with the idea to imitate an echo of whatever hitler may shout. And so he began:
- where are these people?
- where are these people, these people, people...
- maybe they went to the forest?
- maybe they went to the forest, to the forest, the forest...
- maybe they are in the well?
- maybe they are in the well, in the well, the well...
- maybe i should throw a grenade down there?
- maybe they went to the forest, to the forest...

What else does a grenade and a woman have in common

If the ring is on, it won't blow.

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

How is a grenade like marriage?

Pull the ring and your house is gone.

how do you put a pin back into a grenade?

There apparently is no way, so you jus

A priest, an Army Man, and a Teacher

A priest, an army man, and a teacher are all in a helicopter. The helicopter starts to go down, so the pilot says quick everybody through anything you have on you to lighten the chopper! So the teacher throws her apple, the priest throws his bible, and the army man throws his grenade.
The helicopter lands safely, and the army man starts walking around when he sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" The little girl answers, "an apple fell out of no where and hit me in the head!"
The army man continues walking until he stumbles upon another crying girl. " little girl, little girl, why are you crying?"
The girl responds, "a bible came out of no where and hit me in the head!"
The army man is walking again and sees a little boy rolling around laughing. He walks up to the boy and asks, "little boy, little boy, why are you laughing so hard?"
The boy laughs and says, "my grandpa farted, and the house behind him blew up!"

If you pull the pin out ofa grenade, is it possible to put it back in it so it won't explode?

I kinda need a quick response

My uncle was never good at throwing stuff away

He died from a hand grenade

What do you do when a Belgian throws a grenade at you?

You unpin it and throw it back... (Frenchhumor)

Pull the pin out of a grenade...

and you can keep it for the rest of your life.

What's the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen?

Linoleum blown apart.

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

3 guys are on a plane

First guy throws out an apple and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.

Second guy throws out an orange and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.

Third guy throws out a grenade and the other two ask why and he says to see where it would land

So they go to find their stuff they first see a boy crying and ask why he is crying and he says an apple hit his head so they move on.

They then come across a girl crying and ask why she is crying and she says an orange hit her head so they move on.

They come across a boy laughing and ask what's so funny and he says grandpa farted and the house exploded.

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

What do you do if a blonde girl throws a grenade at you?

You remove the pin then throw it back at her.

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

Linoleum Blownapart

Chuck Norris threw an impact grenade and killed one hundred people.

Then the grenade blew up.

German soldiers are chasing two partisans

And the two partisans hide in the water well.

The German soldiers approach the well and one soldier looks down in the well and says "I can't see anything"...the echo comes back "I can't see anything".

Then the second German soldier looks down in the well and says "Maybe they hide in the woods"...the echo comes back "Maybe they hide in the woods".

The third German looks down in the well and says "I'll throw a grenade in there"...the echo comes back "Maybe they hide in the woods"

My grandfather could never throw anything away...

That's why he died in the war holding a hand grenade

What is the similarity between a hand grenade and your wife..

If you remove the ring you'll lose your house

What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at you?

Run like hell - he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

What do you get when you cross an American and an Arab?

A grenade launcher

What's the difference between a wife that hates her husband and a hand grenade

Only after you remove the ring will it blow.

military jokes

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon

"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop

a soldier threw a grenade, it blew up and killed 50 people

chuck norris threw a grenade, killed 50 people and it blew up

Did you hear about the time Tony Soprano went shopping for a cherry and a hand grenade?

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

Chuck Norris pulled a pin on a grenade, threw it, and killed ten men.

...then the grenade exploded.

What do a grenade and a girlfriend have in common?

I have neither of them

A wife is like a grenade...

Pull the ring and your life explodes.

Blonde Jokes

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? You pull the pin and throw it back!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.

Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because they can't find the 11.

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


Now your turn!

A grenade got thrown at me, so i took a photo and posted it on Reddit.

Just the other day I was impressing my friend by demonstrating just how safe it is to play catch with a live hand grenade.

It totally blew his mind.

What do you do if an Islamist throws a pin at you?

Run. He still has the grenade in his teeth.

Grenade toss: How do you measure leadership?

1.75 pints at a time.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Catch the pin

What's the difference between a grenade and the Samsung Note 7?

You gotta pull the pins on grenades, but push the charging pins in a Note 7.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes