greg Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious greg stories

What are the best Greg puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Greg? Well here is a complete list of Greg to have fun with:

Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar


Bridge to Hawaii

Greg is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Greg that he has earned right for one wish.

Greg: I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time.

God: Ehhhh…. your wish is too materistic! I would have to get the concrete, carefully think about the design, along with pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. It would be quite a bit to handle on my part! Wish something else and I will grant it.

Greg: Alright…Hmmm OK I wish to be able to read women's minds. I want to know exactly what they're thinking at all times, what they mean when they say nothing . Basically, I want to understand women inside out.

God: So you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?


A grasshopper walks into a bar...

and the bartender gets excited. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink named Greg?"


Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.

A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."


Honesty is the best policy.

Bob is being interviewed for a job and Greg notices that the reason for his previous job's termination was honesty. Greg says "well I don't think that is a very good reason to be fired." Bob replies "I don't really give a shit what you think."


2 old men...

2 old, Greg and Patrick, are gambling at the casino. Having exhausted all but $2 of their cash, they decided to try their luck at the roulette table.
not knowing which numbers to pick, Greg says "How many times did you have sex with your wife this week?"
"7, how bout you?" says Patrick.
"10" says Greg
"Wow, so I'll play number 7 and you play number 10"
Greg picked 7 and Patrick picked 10. They spun the roullette and it lands on 0. Patrick says " Oh man, if we both didn't lie we both would've won!"


What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows

Yeah, I know it's old....


A good one for parties

So Steve, Greg, and I (put friends names in of course) were walking down a dirt road when we saw a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. We are all thinking the same thing so I go and have my way with it and they turn their backs. After I am done Steve goes and has his way with it, while Greg and I turn our backs. Then Greg goes over the fence and we are waiting and waiting and waiting... Finally we turn around and there is Greg, with his head stuck in the fence.


What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas


TIL Micheal Bay's 'Pearl Harbour' made almost $ 200 million...

...I thought that it bombed!

[re-worded Greg Proops joke from DLM]


When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, ... was a classic case of publish or parish.


It was the Milkman's last day...

It was Greg the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!
When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All of this was just too wonderful for words."

He said, "But what's the dollar for"?

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said 'Screw him, give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."


Greg gets home from work...

Greg gets home from work, he is annoyed and exhausted because his boss was on his ass all day.

As Greg enters his house he says "honey I'm home" his longtime girlfriend, Betty, walks up to him with her arms crossed and she says "I'm really mad at you".
Greg collapses in a chair and response "why on earth are you mad at me, what the fuck did i do this time".

Betty says "I was hanging out with my friends today and they said something awful about you".

Greg sighs obviously annoyed, and responses half sarcastically saying "what did your friends say about me?".

Betty, with a tear in her eye says "they called you a pedophile".

Greg looks at her, grinning, and says "pedophile, that's a big word for an 8 year old"


It has been established that Greg Plitt died trying to outrun a train because he was trying to prove the effectiveness of an energy drink.

Evidently, the drinker crashes badly.


REQUEST: any Greg Giraldo jokes or is it still too soon?

I think the world is ready. Shoot!


Two best friends are chilling on a rooftop.

Bob: You know what? I hate it when you have something really important to share and tell another person, they don't listen. God, I hate it when that happens.

Greg: Hm? Sorry, what did you say?


Two zombies, Greg and John, are sitting in the cemetery.

Greg says: "Didn`t Peter also want to come?" John answers: "Yes, but he is late."


Knock knock

Who's there?


Greg who?



How many Greg leganis does it take to fill a swimming pool

I don't know but it only takes one to empty it.



You've read some of the best greg jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty greg gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these greg jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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