Greet Jokes
140 greet jokes and hilarious greet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about greet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Greet Short Jokes
Short greet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The greet humour may include short welcomes jokes also.
- Is it "Happy Impeachment" or "Merry Impeachment"? I don't want to offend anyone.
Treason's Greetings and Impeach Navidad! - Dear Americans Dear Americans,
As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.
Greetings from Europe! - I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."
- "Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door... She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know." - What do you call two spices saying hello to each other during the holiday? Seasons greetings
- A muslim guy greeted his friend on an airplane. They were both detained. His friend named Jack.
- I took my Japanese girlfriend to meet my nana My girlfriend excitedly greeted her by saying, "It is so nice to finally meet you seven!"
- A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital. He finished with a cheerful greeting:
-Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
-Thanks, you too! replied the patients. - How do plants greet each other on the first day of spring? With a high-five (or high-stem)!
- A german tourist arrived at Charles de Gaulle The immigration officer greets him, " Bonjour Monsieur, Welcome to paris, Name?"
"Wolfgang Schmidt."
"Occupation?"
"Nein, Tourism."
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Greet One Liners
Which greet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with greet? I can suggest the ones about congratulate and salute.
- How do fortune teller greet each other? You're good, how am I?
- How does a girl greet Bill Cosby on their 2nd date? "Nice to meet you"
- How do you properly greet a very fancy duck as you walk by? M'lard
- What do you call a vehicle that just wants to greet people? A hellocopter
- How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?
- How do two psychiatrists greet each other? "You are fine, how am I?"
- How do Chinese Cowboys greet each other? They say, "NiHowdy!"
- I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today. All I did was greet my friend Jack.
- How do you greet a very clean woman? Hi Jean
- How do dried fish greet each other? «Long time, no sea»
- How did one gold atom greet the other gold atom? 'ey you.
- How does Bill Cosby greet his date? Good night.
- How do German bakers greet people Gluten tag
- How do squids greet each other? What's kraken?
- How does the summer solstice greet you? It gives you a warm "helio"!
Entertaining Greet Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about greet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make greet pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't usually greet working girls
But hey h**...
How do epileptics greet people?
They shake.
How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool?
Microsoft Word.
How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?
Ahola.
How do nudists greet each other?
With a bare hug.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the clerk greet the p**...?
"What can I do you for?"
Greeting the new student
So a new student named Dillon walks into class for his very first day of school. All the other children were talking to their friends, while he had none to talk to. But, one of the kids walked up to him and began the conversation-
Child: "Hi, im Nick, whats your name?"
Dillon: "My names Dillon"
Nick: "Thats a cool name, Mind if I call you Dill for short?"
Dillon: "I wouldnt advise doing that"
Nick: "Why so?"
Dillon: "Because my last name is Do"
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?
A herrocopter
I always greet new people with 'Expelliarmus'
..... it tends to be pretty disarming
What's the difference between greeting a queen and greeting Bill Clinton?
You only have to get on one knee to greet the queen.
How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn?
'Allo-cate
How do genetically engineered car salesmen from Boston greet their customers?
Hey, gattaca? GATTACA?
How do German bread greet each other?
Gluten tag!
How do Israeli skiiers greet each other?
Shlalom!
(Oy, that's terrible.)
How do two lawyers greet each other?
With a firm handshake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a black guy wearing a fedora say to greet people?
Sup m'**...
How does gravity greet itself?
It just waves
How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?
Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did h**... greet his guests?
Please, make yourselves kampfortable
How do you greet the cold horse across the fence?
Howdy Neigh - Brr
Made up by my 4 year old son.
How do Hawaiian Muslims greet each other?
"Aloha Akbar!"
How did one pothead greet the other?
High
How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss?
Jesus!
How do HTML elements greet each other?
Guten Tag!
What language does a New Zealander Rabbi use to greet people?
HeyBru
I asked an Australian to greet me...
He kept beating around the bush saying "I might".
Moses Meets Dubya
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"
A widower man dies and goes to heaven...
... when he gets there his wife, full of joy, comes to greet him.
"I'm so excited, I couldn't wait to be with you again"
The man replies
"A deal is a deal honey, they told me: "until death do us apart""
How do you greet a celiac German?
Gluten Tag
I once tried greeting everyone I met by saying "titanic"...
Turns out it wasn't a very good ice breaker
What kind of party did the Donners have?
A meat and greet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I greeted the mailman at the door n**...
He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.
How did the Optimist greet the stranger?
Hi friend.
Some fans were disappointed after seeing their favourite band play on a vegan music festival.
Apparently there was no meat and greet.
He greeted me today with May the Fourth be with you!
Very nithe of him that wath
How does Kim Jong-il greet his guests?
"It's oppressor to meet you"
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do short people greet others?
They microwave.
I went to a bar last night and I was a bit disappointed that the 2 bartenders didn't greet me.
I guess my expectations were two hi.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
Pleased to eat you.
How do you greet a Muslim llama?
Assa llama leykum
'Wherever I go, I'm greeted with much warmth'
Martin, 37, Fireman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks into a Catholic church at night
To his surprise, two priests walk up to excitedly greet him.
"Hello!" Says the other. "I am Paul Unch, and this is Liam Ine, we're the priests here. If you'll walk this way-"
"Hold up", says the man. "P. Unch and L. Ine? I'm in a s**... joke, right?"
"O-h**...!" exclaims Ine. "You got us!"
"Alright, screw this. I'm leaving." And he walks out in a huff.
"Well, that got rid of him", said Ine. "Paul, get the altar boys back in."
How does Italian greet each other when they meet
They kiss on both the cheeks.
How does gay Italian greet, when they meet each other??
They kiss on all the four cheeks.
#copied
I went on a vacation to Florida yesterday
But there was no one there to greet me :(
How do dogs with short, stubby legs greet each other?
Corgially
How would you greet someone who has had an ear transplant?
Happy new Ear
I had to put down my dog today...
so he could run to the door and greet my brother.
What do Irish woodsmen say when they greet each other in the early hours?
"Chop o' the mornin' to ya!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the neckbeard greet his nutty university?
M'acadamia
How did the two microwaves greet each other?
They 'Waved' :P
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you greet people at a f**... in Ireland?
"Top o' the mourning!"
I was taken off an airplane in handcuffs.
All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Icarus arrives at the airport.
Ahead of him, a husband and wife shepherd their two children, a boy and girl, toward their gate.
"Dad, can I have a taco before the flight?" The boy asks.
The father sighs, relenting. "All right."
Three hours later, Icarus lands. His father waits outside, ready to greet him.
"Good to see you!" He exclaims, then pauses, looking at Icarus's suit. "Geez, you got v**... all over you. What happened?"
Icarus shrugs. "I flew too close to the son."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'
But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care
Why do Australians greet each other with "mate"?
Because everyone used to be an inmate.
LOL - laughing at my own joke!
How do cells greet one another?
They micro*wave* at eachother.
What did the Mexican scientist say to greet their failed cloning experiment of the Grateful Dead?
Muchas Garcias.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did j**... greet his lumberjack friends?
Evening, fellers.
How do you greet someone from another country?
You get there.
How does a German Shepherd greet you?
Guten dog!
I got a chance to ask Sarah Jessica Parker a question during a meet and greet, but it seemed like she didn't want to be there and looked sad so I asked her...
Why the long face?
What do you use to heat food and to greet people with dwarfism?
A microwave
How do Muslims greet each other?
They h'Allah.
How do kitchen appliances greet each other?
They microwave.
How do exucutioners greet each other?
"How're they hanging?"
A mans wife goes in for a dental checkup.
After the appointment the doctor comes out to greet the man.
The man says "how was it?"
The doctor replies "Your wife has a lot of cavities that need to be filled."
The man replies "that must be hard on you."
The doctor replies "Not really I get paid every month to drill your wife."
Do you know how people greet each other in OH?
They say "Oh Hi y'all"
How do philosophers greet each other?
"Why are you?"
You know the difference between ComicCon and a Tinder date?
At ComicCon you meet & greet.
At a Tinder date you greet & meat.
Why does Sia never respond when people talk to her?
Because they greet her with "Hello, see ya!"
Did you hear about the cannibal convention they're having?
It's a lot like your usual meet and greet, except at this one, you greet the meat.
I once new a guy named Larious. He never thought it was funny when I would greet him
I thought it was HiLarious
How does a New Zealander greet Jews?
He-brew.
