Following is our collection of funny Green jokes. There are some green green yellow pink jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these green green bay packers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
A pool table.
They always steal the green cards.
Neither, they both burn shorter.
Kermit the Frog's full attention.
The father says, "No, son, it's just an expression. Like when police catch a criminal red handed. The thief's hands aren't really red, they are black like normal.
"Honk if you think I'm sexy."
Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.
It came completely out of the green
This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.
Pop Pop: What's red and dingle dangles from the ceiling?
Me: I don't know...
Pop Pop: A Red dingle dangle of course!
Pop Pop: What's green and dingle dangles from the ceiling?
Me: A green dingle dangle!
Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.
Me: :|
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."
You can explore green purple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean green green beans dad jokes. There are also green puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
The father replies, "It's just an expression, son. Just like how they say a person is caught stealing red-handed, even though his hands are actually black."
My next challenger is a green sock.
Kermit's fingers
Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.
Paddy O'Furniture.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
The diagnosis came completely out of the green.
(Courtesy of a family member)
Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.
My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!
If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?
None, a green house is made out of glass.
I had no idea! It came right out of the green
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
It came out of the green.
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?
Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.
Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
A young boy asks his dad: "Why do people say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't actually green?"
The dad replies: "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."
A pool table
When you're eating a watermelon!
With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.
But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!
(courtesy of my 12 yr old)
*
At least I avacado
A frog in a blender
The news came out of the green.
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
A guy goes to the doctor.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
Years ago I dated a twin.
My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'
I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'
After the third dip, the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes."
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!"
Found out if she's in a good mood it turns green.
If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.
My self confidence is skyrocketing!
A *TON* of people think I'm sexy at this green light right now....
A pool table
To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.
Because it didn't habanero.
The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.
Compliments of Hank Green
Breathe idiot! Breathe!
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.
A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.
... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
Light green.
Credit to my 10 year old for this one.
The credible hulk
A snooker table.
Kermit the Frogs undivided attention
Green Day
....but how could I have been named before him?
Source : Hank Green, the ultimate Dad
He was more of a rap scallion.
Green Day
Wife: Yeah, but it's just a pinch assault
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the green green bay jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working green green bay packer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.