The Best 78 Greek Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Greek jokes. There are some greek lyres jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these greek greece puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Greek Jokes and Puns

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?

Therefore, I'm your mother.

A joke for Europe

A Greek, an Italian, and a Spaniard go into a bar and have an awesome time, ordering drinks till dawn. So who pays the tab?

A German.

A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab?

The German.

Greek joke, A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab?

What's the motto of the Greek army?

Never leave your buddy's behind.

Socrates' Beloved

Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'


I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips...

...I think I'm a hummusexual.

Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."

Greek joke, Greek/German joke I heard recently

So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...

...and they eventually got to the topic of sex. The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of sex!"

Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented sex with women!"

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented sex." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."

I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in.....



"Troy." he said, suddenly.

"I am." I replied. "Give me a minute"

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.

"Why?" asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)

You can explore greek poli reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean greek portuguese dad jokes. There are also greek puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is the difference between a Greek spearman and a pale beer?

One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos....

I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

What did the greek cow say?

ΞΌ

My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess;

Imaginary

A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.

The Greek says "We built the Parthenon". The Roman says "Ah, but we built the Colosseum". The Greek responds "We invented democracy" and the Roman says "Yes, but we founded the great Roman Empire". Finally, the Greek says "We invented sex". The Roman replies "That's true, but we're the ones who thought of having it with women."

Greek joke, A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.

How do the greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

What do you use to find Greek restaurants?

A gyroscope.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.


What do the Greeks sing while at sea?

ρ ρ ρ your boat, gently down the stream...

A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.

The Greek Says
"You know, we invented sex."
Then the Italian turn's and looks at him.
"Well we brought women into it."

What do Greek Cats say?

ΞΌ.

When Greek people play a video game, what settings do they use?

Default

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schΓΆn.

The Greek restaurant in my town is so authentic that it went bankrupt

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was....

Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.

My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow.

thanks, Mike!

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

I ate some bad Greek food

now I falafel.

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God...

I informed him Buddha was not Greek.

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

If you don't know a lot of creatures in Greek Mythology...

I'll give you a mini-tour

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease

Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

I've finally understood the meaning of "politics"

It's derived from "poly", the Greek word for "many", and "tics", a blood sucking parasite.

The invention of sex

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented sex" The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey.

Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?

Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

My favourite Greek nursery rhyme

Ο± Ο± Ο± your boat

How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

All the great Greek philosophers died as they lived...

A long time ago, and probably in Greece

My mom's french and my dad's greek

Too bad I'm a freek

What do you call a greek goddess with no aim?

Artemiss

What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight?

A Diety

Why was the Greek God Apollo named that?

Because he was a chicken

Polyamory is wrong!

You can't mix Greek and Latin roots.
It's either Multiamory or Polyphilia.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms.

Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore?

Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.

Despite my excellence in all other school subjects, I always got bad grades in Greek history.

It was my Achille's elbow

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

The Greeks invented threesomes

The Romans added the women

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

.

.

.

.

.

**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter Β΅ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the ratio of the force of friction between two bodies and the force pressing them together.

Why do greeks fly buisness?

Because they dont have an economy

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

I've been told I have the body of a Greek God.

Too bad it's Dionysus

I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

It has always been my Achilles' elbow.

The Greatest Sex Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.

Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ".

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women."

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.

What do you call a Greek philosopher who publishes his findings?

Articles

Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?

I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.

I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

Greeks invented sex

And then Romans introduced women

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

I'm terrible at Greek mythology

It's my Achilles horse

What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France.

Sacre' T's

What do you call a Greek philosopher who's skilled on the pitch?

Soccerates.

What do you call a Greek who loves candy?

Popsicles

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

Isn't it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?

It's just named after that stuff on the ground.




(Norm MacDonald)

Once again, I'm checking out this book "Greek Philosophers: From Aristotle to Zeno"

I've never finished it for some reason.

Not knowing Greek mythology is my biggest weakness

It's my Achilles horse

I failed my Greek Mythology exam.

It has always been my Achilles' elbow

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the greek colosseum jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working greek three greeks and three turks piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes