Greek Jokes

142 greek jokes and hilarious greek puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about greek that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious Greek jokes! Whether you're looking for a laugh about Greek culture, history, or food, we've got you covered.

Funniest Greek Short Jokes

Short greek jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The greek humour may include short greek mythology jokes also.

  1. My friend says he has the body of a Greek God... I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek
  2. I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology. It has always been my Achilles' elbow.
  3. My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue... Completely pale, no arms.
  4. There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks
  5. Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.
  6. My wife said I look like a Greek god. Her actual words were "Put your clothes on, we're in a museum" but I know what she meant.
  7. I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously... I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.
  8. Not knowing about Greek mythology is my Achiless' Horse. Uh oh, I've really opened a Pandora's Labyrinth here
  9. TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides. His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."
  10. In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor. He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

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Greek One Liners

Which greek one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with greek? I can suggest the ones about greek food and greek yogurt.

  1. A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays? Germany.
  2. The Greek restaurant in my town is so authentic that it went bankrupt
  3. My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess; Imaginary
  4. I failed my Greek Mythology exam. It has always been my achilles' elbow
  5. My lack of Greek mythology knowledge has always been my Achilles elbow
  6. Not knowing Greek mythology is my biggest weakness It's my Achilles horse
  7. What does a Greek say when he receives his salary? Danke schön.
  8. My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God... I informed him Buddha was not Greek.
  9. Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos
  10. Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores Thanks a lot, Herpules
  11. What's the motto of the Greek army? Never leave your buddy's behind.
  12. I ate some bad Greek food now I falafel.
  13. Why does Bonnie Tyler only eat Greek Food? She's holding out for a gyro.
  14. I'm terrible at Greek mythology It's my Achilles horse
  15. When Greek people play a video game, what settings do they use? Default

Greek God Jokes

Here is a list of funny greek god jokes and even better greek god puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore? Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.
  • What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight? A Diety
  • I've been told I have the body of a Greek God. Too bad it's Dionysus
  • I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods... ...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.
  • Why was the Greek God Apollo named that? Because he was a chicken
  • Isn't it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth? It's just named after that stuff on the ground.
  • What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose? They Titan them.
  • My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
  • My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
  • I told a girl I met online I had the body of a Greek God... I didn't let her know the God in question was Hephaestus...

Ancient Greek Jokes

Here is a list of funny ancient greek jokes and even better ancient greek puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Made this one up at work today. There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.
    His name was Popsicles.
  • I got caught faking my way through an ancient history course I failed because Greek mythology is my Achilles horse
  • Christians say "Jesus" Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"
  • How did the Ancient Greeks pay for parking? They put money in Demeter.
  • I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides. Euclipides nuts.
  • How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night? They used a baby minotaur.
  • [Historical] What do the Persians, young boys and spiced lamb meat have in common? Getting speared by the Ancient Greeks
  • Just got kicked out of a Greek themed costume party apparently coming dressed as an ancient Greek olympian 'wasn't appropriate'
  • How did the ancient Greek rabbit move around at night? He had a Hoplite.
  • What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops? Demeter.
Greek joke, What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Greek Mythology Jokes

Here is a list of funny greek mythology jokes and even better greek mythology puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure? I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.
  • My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow. thanks, Mike!
  • Did you hear the joke about the shield from Greek mythology? I would think so, it's been around for aegis.
  • My poor knowledge of Greek mythology... ...has always been my Achilles' elbow.
  • My Greek mythology class is killing my GPA. I guess you could say it's my Achilles' elbow.
  • If you don't know a lot of creatures in Greek Mythology... I'll give you a mini-tour
  • What do you call a Greek mythology professor who speaks in rhymes? Dr. Zeus
  • In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.
    He was a big believer in herd immunity.
  • I'm bad at Greek mythology. It's my Achilles' elbow.
  • My Favorite Character From Greek Mythology is the Crazy Brother of Hercules... ... Testiclees.
    He was nuts.

Greek Food Jokes

Here is a list of funny greek food jokes and even better greek food puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos.... I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.
  • I bought some Greek yogurt today It started asking all of the other food in my fridge for money
  • What did Dave Grohl say when someone stole his Greek food? There goes my gyroooo
  • How does Captain Hook warm his Greek food? Pita Pan
  • "I don't like Greek food..." I looked to my friend and said "Why? What's wrong with it?"
    "They use way too much oil," he responded. "Way too greasy."
  • I must have food poisoning... I tried that new Greek restaurant and I just falafel.
  • I had Greek food for lunch today. Now I falafel.
  • I've eaten too much Greek food... Now I falafel.
  • What's a Greek lawyer's favourite food? Sue-vlaki
  • Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy
Greek joke, Why do Greeks like fried foods?

Laughable Greek Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about greek you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ancient greek jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make greek pranks.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?

Therefore, I'm your mother.

A joke for Europe

A Greek, an Italian, and a Spaniard go into a bar and have an awesome time, ordering drinks till dawn. So who pays the tab?
A German.

A Greek, an Irishman and a portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab?

The German.

Socrates' Beloved

Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'

I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips...

...I think I'm a hummusexual.

Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."

So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...

...and they eventually got to the topic of s**.... The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of s**...!"
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented s**... with women!"

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented s**...." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."

Freddie mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.
"Why?" asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)

What did the greek cow say?


A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.

The Greek says "We built the Parthenon". The Roman says "Ah, but we built the Colosseum". The Greek responds "We invented democracy" and the Roman says "Yes, but we founded the great Roman Empire". Finally, the Greek says "We invented s**...". The Roman replies "That's true, but we're the ones who thought of having it with women."

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

What do the Greeks sing while at sea?

ρ ρ ρ your boat, gently down the stream...

A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.

The Greek Says
"You know, we invented s**...."
Then the Italian turn's and looks at him.
"Well we brought women into it."

What do Greek Cats say?


Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was....

Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over s**...

Greek: the Greeks invented s**... centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease
Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

I've finally understood the meaning of "politics"

It's derived from "poly", the Greek word for "many", and "tics", a blood s**... parasite.

The invention of s**...

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented s**..." The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey.

How do you say m**...' in ancient greek?


"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

All the great Greek philosophers died as they lived...

A long time ago, and probably in Greece

My mom's french and my dad's greek

Too bad I'm a freek

What do you call a greek goddess with no aim?


Polyamory is wrong!

You can't mix Greek and Latin roots.
It's either Multiamory or Polyphilia.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

The Greatest s**... Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.
Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."
The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."
The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ".
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s**...!"
The Italian replies, "That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women."

I have an unhealthy s**... attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

Greeks invented s**...

And then Romans introduced women

TIL: Where does the word "politics" come from.

From poly, Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites.

The Greeks made a weapon that caught things on fire and could not be put out with water, it only made the flames bigger.

They called it Greece fire.

What did the Greeks say after Constantinople was taken by the Turks?

What a load of Istanbull

Greeks invented s**...

The italians added women to it

What is the name of the Greek god of s**... transmitted diseases?

h**... (badumm tss)

What do you call someone who's s**... attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.
"Why?" Asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."

An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.
Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.
Italian: s**... too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

An abderite sees an e**... alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The e**... answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".
"So is it your daughter?".
I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicovered that an Abderite was used inside Greek's jokes as an archtype for an idiot (Abderia was a city in Thrace).

A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended.

The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'.

They did that in order to not insult the leader of West taiwan.

We really need to get Omicron under control before it mutates

Because the next Greek letter is Pi and you know how long that goes on

The meaning of "politics"

The word "politics" derives from the Greek "poly-", meaning "many", and "ticks", meaning "blood-s**... parasites".

TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.
You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about
Boephades nuts?

i picked up this copy of the Iliad the other day...

I picked what I thought was a copy of the Iliad the other day. But when I started reading it, I saw someone had just slapped the dust cover from The Iliad on a YA Fantasy novel based upon Greek Mythology. That's when I realized I had been RickRiordaned.

What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings?

A dishtroyer.

A lecturer of aincent greek took his fancy trousers to be mended. Euripedes? asked the tailor

Yes, replied the lecturer. Eumenides?

Greek joke, A lecturer of aincent greek took his fancy trousers to be mended. Euripedes? asked the tailor

jokes about greek