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Great Dane Jokes

36 great dane jokes and hilarious great dane puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about great dane that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Great Dane Short Jokes

Short great dane jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The great dane humour may include short big dog jokes also.

  1. Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower... VET: Ok, so want him neutered?
    Woman: No, declawed.
  2. When I was a kid I really wanted a Great Dane But all my parents could afford was an Okay Swede.
  3. What do you get when you take a Great Dane and cross it with a Chihuahua? A dead chihuahua.
  4. TIL: A famous comedian's close family member was charge with killing a dog and spreading it on his Tacos! It appears... Great Dane Cook's Great Grandfather Grated and cooked a great Great Dane.
  5. Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane **Her:** My God — imagine if it had been a small child
    **Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb
  6. Do you know why s**... Doo is the most viewed cartoon in denmark? Because he's a Great Dane
  7. My girlfriend and I purchased a Great Dane, and now the smell around our house is absolutely revolting. Every time he barks I s**... myself.
  8. What Shaggy be eating If Shaggy and s**... always run side by side, and a Great Dane's speed is about 40 mph, then would Shaggy be the fastest human alive, beating Usain Bolt's 27 mph?
  9. What do you get when you have a great Dane, a Clydesdale, and a p**...? A huge dog and pony show

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Great Dane One Liners

Which great dane one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with great dane? I can suggest the ones about golden retriever and hound dog.

  1. What do you call a Great Dane wearing a snorkel? Scuba-Doo!
  2. Today I saw a baby Chihuahua killing a Great Dane. How?
    Great Dane choked to death.
  3. Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet? Because it was a Great Dane.
  4. If Dane Cook was a dog, what kind of dog would he be? Definitely not a Great Dane
  5. How do you call the best veterinary hospital in Denmark? Great Dane pets hospital.
  6. I got mauled by a Great Dane and ended up in intensive care Come on s**... Doo, ICU
  7. What do you call an underwater adventure with a Great Dane? s**...-Diving
  8. What do hamlet and s**...-Doo have in common? They're both great Danes.
  9. What do you get when you mix a Great Dane with Dalmatian? A Great d**...

Great Dane Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about great dane you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dalmatian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make great dane pranks.

Guy walks into bar

Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane t**... outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.
A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?
Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.
You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.
Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs t**...

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Great Dane: So what are you here for?
Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for s**... so they're having me castrated, you?
Great Dane: My mistress does the housework n**..., she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.
Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?
Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.
Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"
Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started h**... her like crazy."
Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"
Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet

The vet picks the dog up and inspects him and says to the man.
Sir, your dog has cataracts and I will have to put him down
The man says You have to put my dog down for cataracts!?!?
The vet replies Oh no he`s just very heavy

A guy goes into a bar . . .

. . . and the bartender offers him a Budweiser.
"No thanks," the guy says. "Last weekend I drank a case of Budweiser and I blew chunks."
"Well of course," the bartender says. "Anyone would throw up after drinking a case of beer."
"No, you don't understand," the guy says. "Chunks is my Great Dane!"

A man walks into a bar and leaves his Great Dane outside

All of a sudden, someone bursts into the bar and asks the man: "Excuse me, is that your Great Dane outside? My Chihuahua has just killed it!"
The man stares back very confused. "What? Your Chihuahua has just killed my 150lb Great Dane? That's impossible! What could your Chihuahua have done to kill my Great Dane?"
"Well, I think it choked on my Chihuahua"

The Dog Pound

Three dogs were in a cage at the city pound: A Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Great Dane. The Pit Bull told the others "I was eating my dinner and my owner's two year old niece tried to grab my food, so I ripped out her t**.... Now they are going to put me to sleep."

The German Shepherd said "I chewed up my master' shoes yesterday and now they are going to put me to sleep."
The Great Dane said "My master is a beautiful twenty two year old woman. The other day she came out of the shower and bent over in front of me, so I mounted her and did my thing."
"So are you in here to be put to sleep too?" asked the others.
"No, I'm here to have my nails clipped!"

Topical Jokes for 9/5/14

(for best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)
In Oregon, a veterinarian discovered 43 socks in a Great Dane's stomach. The dog was taken to the vet when the owner wanted to find out why his sock drawer was growling.
To ward off evil spirits, a woman in India has married a stray dog. The woman's biggest complaint about being married to a dog — is everything.
A new study has determined that wearing a bra, does not cause breast cancer. The study did find that going without a bra, causes cancer of the eyes.
Eminemn has been entered into the Guinness Book of World Records by having nearly 1,500 words in the song Rap God. And only 700 of those were the f-word.
The World Health Organization announced that doctors should use the blood of Ebola survivors to treat other patients. This was in response to the question, What's the best way to spread the Ebola virus?
(Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed 'em)

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.