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Grave Jokes

154 grave jokes and hilarious grave puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grave that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a few laughs? Just in time for Halloween, check out this article featuring jokes on grave-digging, grave robbers, churchyards, burials and tombs. See what other jokes lurk in the graveyard and get a few chuckles!

Funniest Grave Short Jokes

Short grave jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grave humour may include short grim jokes also.

  1. Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
  2. My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
  3. If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
  4. "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
    "Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
  5. why elon musk is A true Edison of our time ? Because He found a way to milk Nicolai after he has been long in the grave, too
  6. A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
  7. Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
  8. When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave. He was decomposing.
  9. The guy who invented the USB connector died... They lowered the coffin into his grave.
    Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.
  10. My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

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Grave One Liners

Which grave one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grave? I can suggest the ones about gran and grad.

  1. I spent a few hours by my wife's grave today. She thinks I'm digging a pond.
  2. I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
  3. I spent the afternoon by my wife's grave... ...she thinks it's going to be a fish pond
  4. What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb? A grave mistake.
  5. What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
  6. Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.
  7. What is beethoven doing in his grave? Decomposing.
  8. What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake.
  9. What does Beethoven do in his grave? He decomposes
  10. What do you call a typo inscribed on a tombstone? A grave mistake.
  11. My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit. He'll be churning in his grave.
  12. What's Mozart doing in his grave? Decomposing.
  13. Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance... Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave
  14. I spent some time at my Auntie's grave today. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
  15. I visited my wife's grave today Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.

Grave Digging Jokes

Here is a list of funny grave digging jokes and even better grave digging puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no. They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived : avoiding manual labor.
  • Excuse me, do you like graves? Yeah, I dig 'em.
  • I knew a man who had the brain of Einstein... He was also wanted for grave digging.
  • I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it.
  • Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin? It was a grave excavation.
  • People ask me why I like the graveyard so much. I dig the graves.
  • I dug my wife's grave today. Poor gal thinks I was digging a pond.
  • What did murderers say in the 70's? I dig your grave, man
  • Extremely controversial, but here goes... Why can't you try someone for grave digging?
    Because it was found on the ground.
  • Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died? Five sailors died digging his grave.

Grave Digger Jokes

Here is a list of funny grave digger jokes and even better grave digger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers? The poor norsemen of the necropolis
  • Women are always impressed when I tell them I work in real estate. And to think, my friends almost talked me out of becoming a grave digger!
  • Grave diggers are like gardeners They plant vegetables
  • I knew a woman who made a living grave robbing Nigerian princes. Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger...
  • Why are grave diggers such lousy drivers? Because they are always undertaking
  • Douglas was a grave digger but he fell into a grave and died. I guess he Doug his own grave.
  • Why aren't grave-diggers creative? Because they're all very down-to-earth people.
  • If you are a grave digger in Egypt You are also a gold digger.
  • Have you heard about the cannibal necrophiliac grave digger? He eats nuts and buries.
  • I'm a grave digger, My hole job is depressing.
Grave joke, I'm a grave digger,

Grave Robber Jokes

Here is a list of funny grave robber jokes and even better grave robber puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whats the difference between an archeologist and a grave robber ? Nationality
  • How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid? He died of asphinxiation!
  • Dirty hands are a sign of clean money.... Unless you're a grave robber
  • What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber? The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.
  • What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common? They both create a lot of plotholes.
  • Grave robber grave robber: oh no i dug up the wrong grave
    me, rising from my coffin: you should have said you made a grave mistake
  • If you marry an 18 year old they call you a cradle robber.. So if you marry a 70 year old, does that make you a grave robber?
  • Why are grave robbers no fun at parties? The are serious criminals.
  • What did the grave robber say to his gym buddy in the locker room? I'm gonna get some head tonight.

Mass Grave Jokes

Here is a list of funny mass grave jokes and even better mass grave puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Police were called to the scene of a suspected mass grave of snowmen upon further investigation, it was determined to be a carrot patch
  • I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen. Until I realised it was a field of carrots.
  • What do you call a zombie sleepover? A mass grave.
  • I found a mass grave today, full of dead snowmen... "Dave!" shouted my wife. "Come away from the pond!"
  • What is above the mass grave? Team spirit.
  • I thought I'd just discovered a mass grave for snowmen Turns out it was just a field of carrots
Grave joke, I thought I'd just discovered a mass grave for snowmen

Amusing & Witty Grave Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about grave you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gram jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grave pranks.

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

Irish guy in a parking lo

theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes

The day after Beethoven's f**...

The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."

"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.

"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."

Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"

"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".

When I die...

I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

A drill sergeant and his cadet..

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...

As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.
The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"
The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"
Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"

Ever heard of the undertaker who accidentally dug another body?

He made a grave mistake.

What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive?

Trying to get out of his grave.

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery

...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"
The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

If w**... becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies

He'll be rolling in his grave

Why was the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead"

"Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."

A grave digger...

A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."

I was walking through a graveyard in Europe...

When I heard some strange music coming from one of the graves. Turns out, it was coming from Beethoven's grave. I took out my phone and recorded it, then took it to a friend of mine to identify.
"This is really strange...", he said. "This sounds like one of Beethoven's Symphonies, but it's backwards."
"Well, that makes sense", I said. "He's decomposing."

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

A new source of electricity is found!

Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.

""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave...

... so you can let me down one last time."

A man is walking through a cemetery

when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!"

I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph...

... That's a grave sign.
(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.)

A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.

He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and t**... into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.
He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."

The only thing sadder than a gluten free f**......

is a flourless grave.

What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?

I've made a grave mistake.

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

What do you call a case of p**... burial?

A grave mistake.

Why do graveyards have fences?

People are dying to get in.

After Beethoven died and they buried him, you could hear his symphonies from the grave in the descending order, first his symphony No. 9, then No. 8 etc.

He was just decomposing.

A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...

It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"

When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave

So that they can let me down one last time

A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.

If Snoop Dogg dies before p**... becomes legal in the US,

He will be rolling in his grave.

So, a guy and his mother went to visit his father's grave...

Mother: Son, before your father passed away, he apologized for not being able to be around watching you grow. He said he will always love you even when he's no more. He really meant it.
Son: I guess he was dead serious about it.
\*giggling sound from the grave

Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...

I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing .

Two Irishmen leave a f**...

One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"

When Mozart died

When Mozart died people would go and visit his grave, but they kept hearing his music playing backwards.
Even when they left and came back, there was still his music playing backwards. People were confused why the music was always backwards, then they finally figured it out...
He was decomposing.

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave."
St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith."

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."

My best friend passed away recently..

Grieving before his grave I said,
Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?
A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy my prayer worked.

Every time Schrodinger is misquoted he might roll over in his grave

Or not

They dug up Mozart's grave. When they opened the casket he was madly erasing his music...

Of course, he was de-composing.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it crypto-currency

Why did the graveyard get a COVID test?

Because of all the coffin.

A Drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadet

The Sarge smiled and said I guess when I die you'll dance on my grave
The cadet shakes his head, Not me Sarge I promised myself that when I got out of the army I'd never stand in line again

Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?

Everybody's 6 feet away

A man is standing in front of a grave

Clutching his hands together, he was crying "Oh why did you die? Oh why did you die?!"
A compassionate man passing by said
"Who was that, your wife?"
The man said "No, my wife's first husband."

What is a communist grave called?

A maosoleum

A joke I've translated from my language that I found pretty funny:

A man is passing through a cemetery at night, as he passes through he sees a woman sitting near a grave.
Worried he goes over and asks why she's sitting next to a grave.
The woman replies: I felt hot inside so I came out.

There was a man once who was named "Odd"

He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish and put up a blank headstone.
Later when people were passing by his grave, they would look at his blank headstone and say - "Hmmm. Thats Odd".

My first one here.

Once there was an old lady who lived her life without having s**... ever. She was very proud of this achievement as the only one in the town where she lived.
While in her death bed she made a wish that this achievement of her be made public on her grave so she told someone to make her grave read as " born v**..., lived v**... and died v**...".
The sculptor who was suppose to make that text happen on her grave found the message to be long so he shortened it
"Parcel returned unopened".

I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material.

I accidentally knocked over a headstone while walking through a cemetery.
I've made a grave mistake.

Grave joke, I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material.

jokes about grave