The Best 92 Grave Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Grave jokes. There are some grave tombstone jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grave headstone puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Grave Jokes and Puns

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

Irish guy in a parking lo

theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

Grave joke, Two wives go out for girls night.

Spent an hour by my wife's grave

God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes


I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I made a grave mistake.

The day after Beethoven's funeral

The day after Beethoven's funeral, at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).

Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:

"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."

Grave joke, The day after Beethoven's funeral

"The total cost would be Β£3000," said the funeral director.

"And that includes digging the grave."

"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.

He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."

Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance...

Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave

Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"

"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".

Women are always impressed when I tell them I work in real estate.

And to think, my friends almost talked me out of becoming a grave digger!

You can explore grave tomb reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grave burial dad jokes. There are also grave puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does it say on the gravestone of the guy who made Beyblades?

Let him RIP!

Beethoven

Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"

When I die...

I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

A drill sergeant and his cadet..

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

Grave joke, A drill sergeant and his cadet..

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"

"Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?"

"I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"

"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.

Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"

The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."


I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen.

Until I realised it was a field of carrots.

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...

As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.

The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"

The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"

Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"

Ever heard of the undertaker who accidentally dug another body?

He made a grave mistake.

Bob drowned...

, so at his funeral we put a life jacket over his grave. It is what he would have wanted.

What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive?

Trying to get out of his grave.

What did Alan Rickman say when he stood over David Bowie's grave?

Do you mind if I Slytherin?

Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning.

Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.

A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away

This was a grave mistake

What do you call a typo on a tombstone

A grave mistake.

The guy who invented the USB connector died...

They lowered the coffin into his grave.

Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery

...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"

The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

If weed becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies

He'll be rolling in his grave

Why was the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead"

"Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."

A grave digger...

A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.

The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.

The grave digger hits the coffin.

The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.

The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"

Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."

I was walking through a graveyard in Europe...

When I heard some strange music coming from one of the graves. Turns out, it was coming from Beethoven's grave. I took out my phone and recorded it, then took it to a friend of mine to identify.

"This is really strange...", he said. "This sounds like one of Beethoven's Symphonies, but it's backwards."

"Well, that makes sense", I said. "He's decomposing."

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

A new source of electricity is found!

Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.

We can use that somehow.

If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...

roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.

""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave...

... so you can let me down one last time."

I spent some time at my Auntie's grave today.

Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.

What I want written on my tombstone:

"Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"

A man is walking through a cemetery

when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."

"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!"

I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph...

... That's a grave sign.

(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.)

A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.

He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and thrust into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.

He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."

The only thing sadder than a gluten free funeral...

is a flourless grave.

A bottle of Scotch

An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".

What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?

I've made a grave mistake.

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

What do you call a case of premature burial?

A grave mistake.

Why do graveyards have fences?

People are dying to get in.

After Beethoven died and they buried him, you could hear his symphonies from the grave in the descending order, first his symphony No. 9, then No. 8 etc.

He was just decomposing.

What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb?

A grave mistake.

A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...

It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"

When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave

So that they can let me down one last time

A guy is getting his routine checkup.

The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man is shocked. "Why?" He asks, flummoxed and concerned. The doctor replies:

"Because I'm trying to examine you."

I spent a few hours by my wife's grave today.

She thinks I'm digging a pond.

A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.

Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US,

He will be rolling in his grave.

What is Beethoven doing in his grave?

Decomposing.

So, a guy and his mother went to visit his father's grave...

Mother: Son, before your father passed away, he apologized for not being able to be around watching you grow. He said he will always love you even when he's no more. He really meant it.

Son: I guess he was dead serious about it.

\*giggling sound from the grave

Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...

I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

A grave mistake....

I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the local cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let then walk along with me. I told them "I understand - I used to get freaked out too when I was alive."

Never seen anyone run so fast...!!!

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave...

and not

Why do graveyards have big walls around them?

Because everybody's dying to get in

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing .

Two Irishmen leave a funeral

One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"

If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no.

They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived : avoiding manual labor.

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

When Mozart died

When Mozart died people would go and visit his grave, but they kept hearing his music playing backwards.

Even when they left and came back, there was still his music playing backwards. People were confused why the music was always backwards, then they finally figured it out...

He was decomposing.

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave."
St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith."

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."

The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."

Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."

The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."

I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave...

...is just a Communist plot.

My best friend passed away recently..

Grieving before his grave I said,

Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?

A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy my prayer worked.

Every time Schrodinger is misquoted he might roll over in his grave

Or not

They dug up Mozart's grave. When they opened the casket he was madly erasing his music...

Of course, he was de-composing.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it crypto-currency

What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?

The poor norsemen of the necropolis

I visited my wife's grave today

Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.

"hey manβ€” you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"

I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.

Why did the graveyard get a COVID test?

Because of all the coffin.

A Drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadet

The Sarge smiled and said I guess when I die you'll dance on my grave

The cadet shakes his head, Not me Sarge I promised myself that when I got out of the army I'd never stand in line again

My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

Here is a story about what happens if you line a grave with concrete...

The plot thickens!

A man is feeling ill, so he goes to see a doctor.

The doctor runs some tests and returns with a grave face.

Doctor: I'm really sorry, but this is terminal. You don't have long to live.

Man: What? No! How could this happen? I have a wife and child! Tell me doc, how long do I have left?

Doctor: 10...

Man: Ten months? That's horrible! How will I tell my wife?

Doctor: 9...

Priest and Thief

A thief goes to a priest to confess his crime:

Thief: Father, I have committed a grave crime.

Father: What is it my son?

Thief : I stole the purse of a holyman. What should I do?

Father : You should return it to him, my son.

Thief takes the purse from his pocket and puts it in front of the priest.

Father: Don't put stolen items before me.

Thief: But Father, what if he doesn't take the purse back.

Father: Then you can keep it with you.

Thief: Thank you father.

Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?

Everybody's 6 feet away

Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says, Dude, why are you rotting?

The other turns to him and says, I decay.

My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit.

He'll be churning in his grave.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grave gravest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grave gravestone piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes