Grave Jokes
145 grave jokes and hilarious grave puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grave that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a few laughs? Just in time for Halloween, check out this article featuring jokes on grave-digging, grave robbers, churchyards, burials and tombs. See what other jokes lurk in the graveyard and get a few chuckles!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Grave Short Jokes
Short grave jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grave humour may include short grim jokes also.
- Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" - why elon musk is A true Edison of our time ? Because He found a way to milk Nicolai after he has been long in the grave, too
- A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
- Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave. He was decomposing.
- My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph... ... That's a grave sign.
(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.) - When I die... I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
Share These Grave Jokes With Friends
Grave One Liners
Which grave one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grave? I can suggest the ones about gran and grad.
- I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
- What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb? A grave mistake.
- What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
- What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake.
- What does Beethoven do in his grave? He decomposes
- My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit. He'll be churning in his grave.
- Whats the difference between an archeologist and a grave robber ? Nationality
- Every time Schrodinger is misquoted he might roll over in his grave Or not
- What is a communist grave called? A maosoleum
- What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb? I have made a grave mistake.
- Most people call it grave robbing... I prefer to call it crypto-currency
- I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen. Until I realised it was a field of carrots.
- Confucius say..... Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes
- Excuse me, do you like graves? Yeah, I dig 'em.
- I went to visit the wife's grave today... She still thinks it's going to be a fishpond.
Grave Digging Jokes
Here is a list of funny grave digging jokes and even better grave digging puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I knew a man who had the brain of Einstein... He was also wanted for grave digging.
- I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it.
- Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin? It was a grave excavation.
- People ask me why I like the graveyard so much. I dig the graves.
- What did murderers say in the 70's? I dig your grave, man
- Extremely controversial, but here goes... Why can't you try someone for grave digging?
Because it was found on the ground. - Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died? Five sailors died digging his grave.
- Two clowns were crying near the circus A passer-by asks them why are they crying.
"Well, the elephant has died"
"And you loved him so much?"
"No, but they've put us to dig his grave" - What's the difference between me and a grave digger? Grave diggers get paid to dig graves to put people in, I don't get paid to do the same.
- A: Why are you crying? B: The elephant is dead. .... A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
Grave Digger Jokes
Here is a list of funny grave digger jokes and even better grave digger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers? The poor norsemen of the necropolis
- Women are always impressed when I tell them I work in real estate. And to think, my friends almost talked me out of becoming a grave digger!
- Grave diggers are like gardeners They plant vegetables
- I knew a woman who made a living grave robbing Nigerian princes. Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger...
- Douglas was a grave digger but he fell into a grave and died. I guess he Doug his own grave.
- Why aren't grave-diggers creative? Because they're all very down-to-earth people.
- I'm a grave digger, My hole job is depressing.
Grave Robber Jokes
Here is a list of funny grave robber jokes and even better grave robber puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid? He died of asphinxiation!
- Dirty hands are a sign of clean money.... Unless you're a grave robber
- What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber? The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.
- What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common? They both create a lot of plotholes.
- Grave robber grave robber: oh no i dug up the wrong grave
me, rising from my coffin: you should have said you made a grave mistake - Why are grave robbers no fun at parties? The are serious criminals.
- What did the grave robber say to his gym buddy in the locker room? I'm gonna get some head tonight.
Mass Grave Jokes
Here is a list of funny mass grave jokes and even better mass grave puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Police were called to the scene of a suspected mass grave of snowmen upon further investigation, it was determined to be a carrot patch
- What do you call a zombie sleepover? A mass grave.
- I found a mass grave today, full of dead snowmen... "Dave!" shouted my wife. "Come away from the pond!"
- What is above the mass grave? Team spirit.
Amusing & Witty Grave Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about grave you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gram jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grave pranks.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.
"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."
Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"
"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".
What does it say on the gravestone of the guy who made Beyblades?
Let him RIP!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beethoven
Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"
A drill sergeant and his cadet..
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.
The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.
But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever heard of the undertaker who accidentally dug another body?
He made a grave mistake.
The newest iPhone 6 Plus has an excellent battery life, thanks to...
...the energy generated by the perpetual motion of Steve Jobs rolling in his grave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bob drowned...
, so at his f**... we put a life jacket over his grave. It is what he would have wanted.
What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive?
Trying to get out of his grave.
What did Alan Rickman say when he stood over David Bowie's grave?
Do you mind if I Slytherin?
A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery
...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"
The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"
Why was the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead"
"Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?
A new source of electricity is found!
Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...
roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.
""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave...
... so you can let me down one last time."
I visited the wife's grave early today...
A man walked by and said "Morning!"
I replied, "No, just walking the dog."
A man is walking through a cemetery
when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.
He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and t**... into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.
He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only thing sadder than a gluten free f**......
is a flourless grave.
A bottle of Scotch
An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".
What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?
I've made a grave mistake.
if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...
...he would roll over in his grave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Kim Kardashian dies...
Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a case of p**... burial?
A grave mistake.
After Beethoven died and they buried him, you could hear his symphonies from the grave in the descending order, first his symphony No. 9, then No. 8 etc.
He was just decomposing.
When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave
So that they can let me down one last time
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Snoop Dogg dies before p**... becomes legal in the US,
He will be rolling in his grave.
Dad on Deathbed
[Deathbed]
Dad: Don't put me in the wrong burial plot
Son: Dad stop it, I'm never turning this life support off!
Dad: because that would be...a grave mistake lol
Son: So is it this switch here or
(cr
So, a guy and his mother went to visit his father's grave...
Mother: Son, before your father passed away, he apologized for not being able to be around watching you grow. He said he will always love you even when he's no more. He really meant it.
Son: I guess he was dead serious about it.
\*giggling sound from the grave
I think I just disproved gravity!
This research is going to have Issac Newton floating in his grave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen leave a f**...
One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"
Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb
It was a grave mistake
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my job as a grave digger
At least I'm not a v**... anymore
The merry widow dies and goes to heaven
When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave."
St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four insurance companies are in competition.
One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave...
...is just a Communist plot.
"hey man— you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"
I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.
Why did the graveyard get a COVID test?
Because of all the coffin.
Here is a story about what happens if you line a grave with concrete...
The plot thickens!
Priest and Thief
A thief goes to a priest to confess his crime:
Thief: Father, I have committed a grave crime.
Father: What is it my son?
Thief : I stole the purse of a holyman. What should I do?
Father : You should return it to him, my son.
Thief takes the purse from his pocket and puts it in front of the priest.
Father: Don't put stolen items before me.
Thief: But Father, what if he doesn't take the purse back.
Father: Then you can keep it with you.
Thief: Thank you father.
Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?
Everybody's 6 feet away
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says, Dude, why are you rotting?
The other turns to him and says, I decay.
A joke I've translated from my language that I found pretty funny:
A man is passing through a cemetery at night, as he passes through he sees a woman sitting near a grave.
Worried he goes over and asks why she's sitting next to a grave.
The woman replies: I felt hot inside so I came out.
If Steve Jobs could see what Apple has become today...
He'd be scrolling in his grave!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Buddy Hackett Joke:
A very young amorous couple were walking through a cemetary and feeling frisky . So the woman lay down on a grave marker and they made love. A week later the woman's back is still hurting her , so she sees a doctor. The doctor tells her to disrobe, then tells her to turn around to examine her back . The doctor asks her," How old are you?". She says ," I'm 20 years old, why do you ask." The doctor replies, " Because your a**... says you died in 1898."
There was a man once who was named "Odd"
He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish and put up a blank headstone.
Later when people were passing by his grave, they would look at his blank headstone and say - "Hmmm. Thats Odd".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My first one here.
Once there was an old lady who lived her life without having s**... ever. She was very proud of this achievement as the only one in the town where she lived.
While in her death bed she made a wish that this achievement of her be made public on her grave so she told someone to make her grave read as " born v**..., lived v**... and died v**...".
The sculptor who was suppose to make that text happen on her grave found the message to be long so he shortened it
"Parcel returned unopened".
I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material.
I accidentally knocked over a headstone while walking through a cemetery.
I've made a grave mistake.
A young man tells his father he's going to ask out the girl next door.
A young man tells his father he's going to ask out the girl next door. His father looks grave and says "You can't. I've never told anyone this, but you need to know ... many years ago I had an affair with her mother, and, well..." Horrified, the young man runs out of the room where his mother asks what the problem is. He explains "I'm in love with the girl next door, but Dad says he's her father!" And his mother replies, "Don't worry about that. He might be *her* father, but he's not yours!"
The Drill Sergeant
A drill sergeant runs his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on. As they stand there, exhausted, he puts his face right up to one recruit's face and says, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and pee on my grave, aren't you?"
The recruit responds, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again."
It's not graverobbing! It's a system of mining grave yards to determine the validity of transactions.
It's a new way of thinking of money! I call it crypt-o-currency.
