Gratings Jokes
97 gratings jokes and hilarious gratings puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gratings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gratings Short Jokes
Short gratings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gratings humour may include short jokes also.
- Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.
- How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
- Did you see that Sargento is going to stop selling shredded cheese? They're trying to make America grate again
- Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again.
- You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore. Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.
- Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese... ...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again...
- (6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ? Have a grate day.
- Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese. It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.
- Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese He wanted to Make America Grate again.
- Trying to locate an old flame called Emma. Last I know she moved abroad 6 years ago.
Surname: Grated
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Gratings One Liners
Which gratings one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gratings? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me... It meant a lot.
- I asked my wife if she wanted me to shred some cheese. She said "that would be grate!"
- If the U.S. ran out of shredded cheese... we would have to "make America grate again"
- What did the cheese say before it got shredded? Oh grate...
- I don’t mean to be so cheesy, but dumplings are just grate.
- We need to ban pre shredded cheese... Make America grate again.
- I'm grateful to you for teaching me the definition of 'abundance' It means a lot.
- A woman bought a bag of terribly grated cheese She regrated it later.
- I watched a film about cheese. It was G-Rated.
- Who doesn't like cheesy puns... They're just so grate!
- What do you call a grateful train? Thomas the Thanks Engine
- Courtesy of my 8yo son What's the highest rating that cheese can get?
Grate. - Cheese is good Parmesan, however, grate.
- Chuck Norris' security guard… …is grateful to have Chuck protecting him.
- My dad always said: "When life gets you down, shred cheese." That was grate advice.
Gratings Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gratings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gratings pranks.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway...
... he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
A man moves into a haunted house
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
A grate dad!
Dad, how does it feels to have the most beautiful son in the world?
I do not know son, ask your grandfather.
What did the teacher do with the student's cheese report?
She grated it.
Cheese puns...
Aren't they grate?
Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories.
He says he wants to "make America grate again."
How to get a divorce
Wife: Honey, how do I look?
Husband: Like a.. Well, great!
Wife: Good great or bad great?
Husband: Overflowing sewer grate.
The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president...
They're ready to make America grate again.
THIS JUST IN: Foreign suppliers of shredded cheese on strike.
Eyewitnesses report protesting workers holding signs that read: "MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"
Now the UK is out of the EU we can ban pre-shredded cheese.
Make Britain grate again.
Things Michael J. Fox would be good at
Grating Parmesan cheese.
Can you name a grateful astronomer?
How about Neil Degracias Tyson?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This nation really has gotten lazy, what with buying pre-shredded cheese and all.
I think it's time to make America grate again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.
It had some chunks, but it was delicious.
When Life gives you a cheese grater...
You hold it up and say, 'Life's grate'.
As a cheesemonger, I spent a lot of time cutting cheese up in to little pieces.
It's grate.
At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire
They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear had upset stomachs.
They went to the doctor who gave Papa Bear a big dose, Mama Bear a medium dose, and Baby Bear a little dose, and asked them to come again the next day.
The next day, the doctor asked them about the condition of their stomach.
Papa Bear said, "Me very thankful, me did a tankful."
Mama Bear said, "Me very grateful, me did a plateful."
Baby Bear said, "Me broken hearted, me only f**...."
Why were the Grateful Dead shows always sooooo hot?
None of the fans worked.
I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas...
... but is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
I left my grated cheese in front of my child, and he pressed it back into one. Guess I shouldn't have left it out
I am regrating it.
[Political] I'm surprised Trump hasn't banned the sale of shredded cheese yet.
He said he would "Make America Grate Again"
(Sorry, that was a cheesy joke)
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
When you put catnip in a scratching board to encourage cats to scratch it, you think it's cute when they use it.
But I would think that from their point of view, it's more like a crack addict that dropped a rock through a grate and is trying to get it back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm really grateful that I had parents who opened their hearts to me when I was a boy.
It made it easier for me to accept my cannibalistic nature.
A wizard once turned me into a block of cheese...
I was very grateful.
I really dislike whole blocks of cheese
They aren't grate.
At a may day parade, a very old Jew is carrying a placard which reads:
"Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my happy childhood!" A Party representative approaches the old man.
"What's that? Are you mocking our Party? Everyone can see that when you were a child, comrade Stalin hadn't yet been born!"
The old man replies, "That is precisely why I am grateful to him!"
I was seeing this h**... about twice a week.
But last week she saw me and closes her blinds now.
A few electrons are having a party
When suddenly, an uninvited proton enters, and since opposites attract, all the electrons get stuck to him. Unable to pull themselves away from the gatecrasher, they scream for help. A mystery stranger hears their cries, jumps in, pulls all the electrons off and throws the proton out of the premises. The grateful electrons ask their saviour to identify himself. Mysteriously, he pulls down his hat and answers:
"Bond. Covalent Bond."
TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.
This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.
Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.
What is your best ability?
I have grate speling.
Why aren't more conservatives protesting the sales of pre-shredded cheese?
I thought we were trying to make America grate again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid asks his dad: Dad why am I black, if mom is white if and you are asian... ...
Dad answers: With the party we had that night, you better be grateful that you're not barking right now.
I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"
"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"
He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cheese was too k**...
It wanted to be de-grated.
Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?
Because he wanted to make America grate again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.
He is going to make Americans grate again . . .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Dutch should be grateful for l**...
Without d**... half of their country would be underwater
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant
A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
The whale then says
thanks if there's anything you ever need let me know
The dolphin replies
you're welcome
Then the Whale says g**.......why would you want that?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?
The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said s**...! I already got a part from her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You would think that I would eventually learn
That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a h**... of a lot faster when they are mad.
*True story from a couple years ago*
I've been receiving a lot of targeted ads about male enhancement lately....
Never have I been more offended and grateful in my life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Jew is standing on a street corner in Soviet Russia.
He is holding up a poster that says "Thank you, Comrade Stalin for my happy childhood."
A policeman walking the beat sees the poster and says, "Are you trying to mock our Great Motherland? Everybody can see that when you were a child, Comrade Stalin hasn't even been born."
The old Jew replies, "That is precisely why I'm grateful to him."
A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"
The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"
An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.
A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"
You can't have Juan ...
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health
From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
Saw some workers on my street replacing a storm drain cover and decided to offer them some words of encouragement:
You guys are doing a grate job.
I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
They've assured me it's me who needs the group and I'm getting enrolled next week. I'm so grateful for their help
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't do it !!!
I talked a girl out of jumping off a bridge yesterday. I spent 3.5 hours talking her out of it quietly and calmly.
She seemed pretty grateful afterwards but the guy running the bungie jump looked **very** angry.
An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...
... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."
There are two types of puns.
The great puns, which are great to hear, and the grate puns, which grate your ears.
Two men found many bags full of money. To be grateful, they decided to share it with God, meaning people in need.
The first man drew a line on the floor and said: I'll throw my part through the air, what comes down on the right side is mine, and on the left side is for the poor, that's God's will.
The second man said: I'll throw all my part through the air, and God will give me back what he wants and keep the remainder, that's God's will.
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...