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Grateful Jokes

66 grateful jokes and hilarious grateful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grateful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Experience some of the greatest Grateful Dead contributions to the world of comedy! Enjoy jokes that will make you laugh uproariously, stories that will make you smile, and anecdotes that will make you feel eagerly grateful. Generous hippies and keenly Deadheads will find something to enjoy in this collection of Grateful Dead inside jokes!

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Funniest Grateful Short Jokes

Short grateful jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grateful humour may include short thanked jokes also.

  1. Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.
  2. Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese. It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.
  3. How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
  4. Did you see that Sargento is going to stop selling shredded cheese? They're trying to make America grate again
  5. I've always hated donating blood. They always ask way too many questions. Like, "Where did you get the blood" or "Whose blood is this". Like come on, I'm donating just be grateful.
  6. Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again.
  7. You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore. Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.
  8. I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese. Part of his plan to make America grate again.
  9. I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tube or slices as everyday food... We should definitely make America grate again.
  10. If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production. He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

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Grateful One Liners

Which grateful one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grateful? I can suggest the ones about thanks giving and thank god.

  1. President Trump just banned shredded cheeses. He wants to Make America Grate Again
  2. I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me... It meant a lot.
  3. I asked my wife if she wanted me to shred some cheese. She said "that would be grate!"
  4. If the U.S. ran out of shredded cheese... we would have to "make America grate again"
  5. What did the cheese say before it got shredded? Oh grate...
  6. I don’t mean to be so cheesy, but dumplings are just grate.
  7. We need to ban pre shredded cheese... Make America grate again.
  8. I'm grateful to you for teaching me the definition of 'abundance' It means a lot.
  9. A woman bought a bag of terribly grated cheese She regrated it later.
  10. I watched a film about cheese. It was G-Rated.
  11. I'm tired of pre shredded cheese Make America grate again
  12. Who doesn't like cheesy puns... They're just so grate!
  13. Trump BANS the sale of shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again
  14. What do you call a grateful train? Thomas the Thanks Engine
  15. Courtesy of my 8yo son What's the highest rating that cheese can get?
    Grate.

Grateful joke, Courtesy of my 8yo son

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about grateful can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of grateful puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Grateful Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about grateful you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean glad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make grateful prank.

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway...

... he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese...

...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again...

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years.

I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.

It had some chunks, but it was delicious.

The l**... next door bought me a nice Rolex for my birthday.

I'm trying to be grateful for the thoughtful gift, but I can't help but think they misunderstood when I'd told them that for my birthday, "I wanna watch."

A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

A few electrons are having a party

When suddenly, an uninvited proton enters, and since opposites attract, all the electrons get stuck to him. Unable to pull themselves away from the gatecrasher, they scream for help. A mystery stranger hears their cries, jumps in, pulls all the electrons off and throws the proton out of the premises. The grateful electrons ask their saviour to identify himself. Mysteriously, he pulls down his hat and answers:
"Bond. Covalent Bond."

I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"

"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"
He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.
Credit to my 12 year old son.

(6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ?

Have a grate day.

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
The whale then says
thanks if there's anything you ever need let me know
The dolphin replies
you're welcome
Then the Whale says g**.......why would you want that?

An old Jew is standing on a street corner in Soviet Russia.

He is holding up a poster that says "Thank you, Comrade Stalin for my happy childhood."
A policeman walking the beat sees the poster and says, "Are you trying to mock our Great Motherland? Everybody can see that when you were a child, Comrade Stalin hasn't even been born."
The old Jew replies, "That is precisely why I'm grateful to him."

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"

The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

You can't have Juan ...

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health
From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

Trying to locate an old flame called Emma.

Last I know she moved abroad 6 years ago.
Surname: Grated

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident

Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.
Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.
Horrified, she straight called her mom.
"Mum, you wouldn't believe it. He only got one foot!"
The mum then yelled back at her "g**... child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!"

Don't do it !!!

I talked a girl out of jumping off a bridge yesterday. I spent 3.5 hours talking her out of it quietly and calmly.
She seemed pretty grateful afterwards but the guy running the bungie jump looked **very** angry.

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."

Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese

He wanted to Make America Grate again.

Two men found many bags full of money. To be grateful, they decided to share it with God, meaning people in need.

The first man drew a line on the floor and said: I'll throw my part through the air, what comes down on the right side is mine, and on the left side is for the poor, that's God's will.
The second man said: I'll throw all my part through the air, and God will give me back what he wants and keep the remainder, that's God's will.

A man goes to the bar and sees a dirty old man outside, fishing in the ditch with a stick and a string.

Feeling pity for the invalid, he invites him into the bar and buys him a drink. The man is grateful and repeatedly thanks him.
"You were fishing outside, have you caught anything?" he asks the old man jokingly.
He replies, smiling. "Yes! You are the seventh today!"

Chuck Norris' security guard…

…is grateful to have Chuck protecting him.

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...

Grateful joke

jokes about grateful

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these grateful jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.