Grasshopper Jokes
35 grasshopper jokes and hilarious grasshopper puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about grasshopper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article shares a collection of comical jokes about the famous Kung Fu Grasshopper, Rene. From his interactions with the Moth at the Grasshopper Bar to his attempt to unscrew a screwdriver, these jokes prove why Rene is an amusing character. Laugh out loud with these hysterical jokes about the Kung Fu Grasshopper!
Funniest Grasshopper Short Jokes
Short grasshopper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grasshopper humour may include short caterpillar jokes also.
- So a grasshopper walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey, did you know I have a drink named after you?". The grasshopper says "You've got a drink named Steve!?"
- How does a grasshopper like to celebrate the arrival of spring? By hopping into the season with joy!
- A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer... ...the bartender says,"You know, there's a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies, "There's a drink named Murray?"
- TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg.
- A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor The clerk says "Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!" The Grasshopper says "What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?"
- A grasshopper walks in to a bar... He orders a gin and soda. The bartender says,
"You know we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper looks around and says,
"You have a drink named Irving?" - I hear Grasshopper meat is a great source of protein; sustainable, and you can eat them cold! Locusts, on the other hand, have to be swarmed up first.
- What do you call a grasshopper that forgot the words to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?" A "hum" bug.
- A grasshopper walks into a bar The barman says " we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "what? You have a drink named Eric?"
- What would you call a grasshopper that was unsure of himself? Insect-ure.
You're welcome.
Share These Grasshopper Jokes With Friends
Grasshopper One Liners
Which grasshopper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grasshopper? I can suggest the ones about honeybee and gopher.
- What do you call the grasshopper police? Grasscoppers
- Why don't grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!
- Why were the grasshopper's eyes so red? Because it was all hopped up on grass.
- Where do grasshoppers eat? At IHOP. A three-year-old made this up.
- I've been learning Chinese for a long time... Since I was ni hou to a grasshopper
- What do you call a grasshopper on adderall? A focust
- What do you call a s**... with one leg? A grasshopper
Charming Humor Grasshopper Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about grasshopper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean butterfly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grasshopper pranks.
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A knock at the door
Every day, Jim gets two six packs on the way home from work. When he gets home, he sits in his living room until they're gone. One day, just as he's getting to the end of the last beer, he hears a knock at the door. He goes to answer it, and sees a six foot tall grasshopper. Before he can say a word, the grasshopper punches him in the face as hard as he's ever been hit! Floored, he can't respond before the grasshopper leaves.
He decides he'd better be in better shape, so the next day he only gets one six pack. Just as he's finishing the last beer, he hears another knock at the door. He gets up to answer it, a bit more wary this time. Not that it does him any good. The six foot tall grasshopper is there again, and this time hits him *twice*, each one as hard as he's ever been hit! Again, the grasshopper leaves before he can do anything.
On the third day, he decides he'd better just skip his beer. He's sitting in his living room, stone cold sober, when he hears a knock at the door. He checks his peephole. It's the grasshopper. But he figures this time he hasn't been drinking and he can take him, so he opens the door. Before he can do anything, the grasshopper knocks him down and kicks him until he can't move. Again, the grasshopper leaves when it's done.
Obviously he's in bad shape after that, so he goes in to see his doctor. He describes what's been going on. The doctor nods knowingly, "Yeah, there's been a pretty n**... bug going around."
A Buddhist monk turns to the Dalai Lama for an answer.
A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.
"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, I might have something for you"
Three days pass, the monk returns and gets this answer:
"The difference, dear son, is that a woman threads only from the front, while a pearl threads from the front *and* from behind."
The monk, a bit embarassed, says: But, Master, I know of women who thread both from the front and behind.
"Ah, said the Dalai Lama, those are not women, dear pupil, but pearls."
(Works better in Bulgarian, but it was worth a try. Translation suggestions welcome.)
Found this one in a joke book I wrote in elementary school. (not an original)
A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said,
"We have a drink named after you!"
Imagine that, a drink named Howard.
A grasshopper walks into a bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey, you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper says, "You serve a drink called Irving?"
Everything is bigger in Texas
A Texan man was driving thru rural NSW with his Aussie chaperone when they passed a cornfield.
'You know back where I am from in Texas our cornfields are ten times larger then that' scoffs the Texan.
Next they drive past a couple of barns.
'You know back where I am from in Texas our barns are ten times larger then that'
They continue along when they pass an open field with kangaroos jumping about.
'What do you call those things' asks the shocked Texan.
The Aussie chaperone replies 'don't you have grasshoppers in Texas?'
Why did the guy going to the gaming convention dress as a grasshopper?
It was a locust cosplay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"How do we get our names?"
There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.
"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.
"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was Soaring Eagle, your grandfather is Running Elk, and I am Hopping Grasshopper."
The boy nodded, but still looked as though he was confused.
The boy's dad then asks, "Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*cking?"
Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?
Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security
A man walks in to a bar...
The man orders a grasshopper. On the way home he notices a grasshopper on the ground and says: you know there is a drink named after you? The grasshopper responds: There is a drink named Irving?
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper.
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. "We haven't seen you in a while. How is your research going?" the bartender asks. "Great. I've actually had quite a breakthrough. I've discovered that praying mantises don't all follow the same religion," the entolomolgist says. "They're in sects."
