The Best 68 Grape Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Grape jokes. There are some grape whine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grape statutory puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Grape Jokes and Puns

Humans are like grapes...

Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors.

I once knew a girl so skinny...

that when she swallowed a grape, 3 men left town.

(it takes some thought)

Todd Akin

If Todd Akin owned a winery it would be called "The Legitimate Grape"

Grape joke, Todd Akin

What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it?

Let out a little wine.

Why did Mr. Grape leave Mrs. Grape?

He was tired of raisin kids.

How are an elephant and a grape alike?

They're both purple.....

Except for the elephant.

Why did the woman divorce the grape?

She was tired of raisin' kids.

Grape joke, Why did the woman divorce the grape?

What happens when you sit on a grape?

It gives out a little wine!

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any Jéws in China?"

"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jéws ?"

Waiter: "No Chinese Jéws, Sir." "Are you really sure?"

Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jéws ."

The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange Jéws, Prune Jéws, Tomato Jéws and Grape Jéws but we have no Chinese Jéws."


Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.

"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."

Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."

Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"

How did the Tomato know the Grape was Sad?

He Let out a little Wine

You can explore grape vineyard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grape sangria dad jokes. There are also grape puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why couldn't the grape help his friend move on Saturday?

because he was in a jam

So I was trying to grab a grape with my fork...

But it slipped. It seems as though my efforts were...


What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long?

I hate raisin kids!

I stepped on a grape once.

It didn't scream, but it did let out a little whine.

Grape joke, I stepped on a grape once.

Cutest joke ever

What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!

What did the grape say after the elephant stepped on him?

Nothing, he just let out a little whine.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable?

Lettuce be grape friends.

Why are grapes so fun to go clubbing with?

Because they're always raisin the roof.

I just found a fruit roll-up in my pocket

That means one of my kids has a grape flavored blunt rap in their lunch box.

What did the religious pear say to the grape that lost his wife?

"Everything happens for a raisin"

What did the grapes say to their parents after they put them into a nursing home?

Thanks for raisin us

What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team?

You're going to have to ci-tris one out.

Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator

Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

Grapes are so predictable at poker

Eventually, they all end up raisin

I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out...

But I just couldn't raisin with her.

I'll see myself out.

Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid?

Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.

What did the grape say when it got crushed?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why did the raisin go to the police?

Because, he was a grape victim.

Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?A: None. It just lets out a little wine.

what does a grape and jamaicans have in common

absolutely nothing

I just love rehydrated raisins

They're grape.

What sound does a grape make when you step on it?

Just a little wine

What does a grape say when you step on it?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion.

I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.

I was reared by a grape.

It was tough at first, but once it shriveled up, it was a breeze raisin me.

Why does grape juice smell like pig?

Because it's wine

President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry

He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

I bought purple Jell-O mix and now I feel like a superhero.

With grape powder comes great responsibility.

I am in grape shape...

That is not a typo...I'm round.

If we could get Red states and Blue states to work together...

We really could Make America Grape Again.

An old grape farmer

There was once an old grape farmer who had went through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried, all he could've said was "Everything happens for a rasin"

I saw a wineo eating a grape.

I was like "dude, you have to wait"

Did you hear about the guy who drowned in an ocean of grape juice?

He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.

If you leave a grape out in the sun, it'll shrivel and dry up...

Just raisin awareness

Why did the grape cross the road?

No raisin.

What do you call it when a fruit is fertilized without consent?


A Jewish couple visit China

A Jewish couple is visiting China, and as they sit down to dinner they begin to wonder about whether there are any ancient synagogues to visit.

The waiter comes to take their order, and the couple asks if there are any Chinese jews, the waiter asks them to wait a minute and comes right back.

"We have apple Jews, orange Jews, grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews."


Jesus must be grape...

Cause now he's a raisin.

I tell ya, it's fine to eat one test grape in the produce section ...

But take *one bite* of rotisserie chicken, and they're all, "Sir, you need to leave."

Hands sticky and tingling he kept on. Still sucking and licking he tilted his head back as he had it thrust into his mouth letting the sticky juices flow down his throat.

Grape was his favourite flavour and this was his favourite popsicle.

What did the green grape say to the red grape?


On Halloween I give young kids little boxes of raisins.

I've been accused of statutory grape.

What did the grape say when it was pinched

nothing, it gave a little wine

A grape is kidnapped and dies of dehydration

At the funeral, the wife of the grape asks if the policegrape has any leads, to which he responds.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't comment on currant investigations"

I'm opening a wine bar

Unlike other wine bars we will only sell wine that is not very old. The name of the place? Statutory Grape.

A grape falls off a vine and dries...

Everything happens for a raisin.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

How do you make sure that your grape ages well?

You need to be raisin it right!

As for a non-Dad joke....not for sensitive types

A woman runs into a police station yelling "Grape! Grape! Grape!"

The policeman says "Don't you mean rape?"

"No" she replied, "There were a bunch of them".

Which is a better partner in the bedroom, corn or grape?

Grape, because when it's time to get down to business, corn flakes, but grape nuts.

I asked a girl I caught peeing on a grape...

"Would you like to go on a date?"

What do a grape and a rabbit have in common?

They're both purple except for the rabbit.

Grapes don't cry when they're crushed

But they do wine

What happens when you step on a grape?

It let's out a little wine

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.

I'm sorry.

Found in a Christmas cracker. Is my sense of humour rapidly deteriorating or is this as funny as I've been finding it since Christmas Day?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grape cherries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grape vine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes