Grape Jokes
162 grape jokes and hilarious grape puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for laughs? Look no further than our collection of grape jokes! From puns to one-liners, we've got everything you need to tickle your funny bone. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a few laughs courtesy of our grape humor.
Quick Jump To
- Short Grape Jokes
- Grape One Liners
- Wine Grape Jokes
- Purple Grape Jokes
- Grape Juice Jokes
- Elephant Grape Jokes
- More Grape Jokes
Funniest Grape Short Jokes
Short grape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grape humour may include short grain jokes also.
- This year I'm on a crusade to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes It's about raisin awareness
- The elites and nobles of Ancient Greece would often pay Diogenes with grapes or bread in exchange for his wisdom. It's food for thought.
- During dinner, I told my wife, I used to be grapes. Her: Huh?
Me: Sorry. It must be the wine talking. - Why are elephants big and grey? Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes.
- So a guy asks me why I've been letting my grapes dry out... and so I told him "I have my raisins."
- What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing. It just gave a little wine.
- I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out... But I just couldn't raisin with her.
I'll see myself out. - An old grape farmer There was once an old grape farmer who had went through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried, all he could've said was "Everything happens for a rasin"
- I'm not exactly sure why my friend likes dried grapes so much... ... but I'm sure he has his raisins.
- What did the grape say after the elephant stepped on him? Nothing, he just let out a little whine.
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Grape One Liners
Which grape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grape? I can suggest the ones about fruit and raisin.
- I had a date last night. It was perfect.
Tomorrow I'll try a grape. - Grapes don't cry when they're crushed But they do wine
- What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids.
- If you leave a grape out in the sun, it'll shrivel and dry up... Just raisin awareness
- What did the Green grape say to the Purple grape? Breathe idiot! Breathe!
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- What happens when you step on a grape? It let's out a little wine
- What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!
- Why did grape prices go up? There was a raisin demand.
- Cutest joke ever What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!
- What do you call an alcoholic eating grapes? Impatient.
- What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it? Let out a little wine.
- Why did Mr. Grape leave Mrs. Grape? He was tired of raisin kids.
- I like my men as a like my grapes 25 at the same time
Wine Grape Jokes
Here is a list of funny wine grape jokes and even better wine grape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What sound does a grape make when you step on it? Just a little wine
- I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine
- Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it? Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?A: None. It just lets out a little wine.
- How did the Tomato know the Grape was Sad? He Let out a little Wine
- What did the grape say when you stepped on him? Nothing he just let out a little wine.
- What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine!
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- What did the grape say when it was pinched nothing, it gave a little wine
- What happens when you sit on a grape? It gives out a little wine!
- I'm opening a wine bar Unlike other wine bars we will only sell wine that is not very old. The name of the place? Statutory Grape.
Purple Grape Jokes
Here is a list of funny purple grape jokes and even better purple grape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought purple Jell-O mix and now I feel like a superhero. With grape powder comes great responsibility.
- Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors.
- What do a grape and a rabbit have in common? They're both purple except for the rabbit.
- What do you call a purple gorilla? A grape ape.
- How are an elephant and a grape alike? They're both purple.....
Except for the elephant. - Why were Helen Keller's hands purple... ... because she heard it through the grape vine.
- How is a chicken like a grape? They're both purple except for the chicken.
- What's small, purple and dangerous? A grape with a gun
- What is purple and commutes? An Abelian grape!
- What's longest purple thing on earth you can see from the moon? The Grape Wall of China
Grape Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny grape juice jokes and even better grape juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who drowned in an ocean of grape juice? He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.
- when pornstar drinks grape juice
- Why does grape juice smell like pig? Because it's wine
- Why do black people hate wine? Because it's a waste of perfectly good grape juice.
(Also, anyone care to explain me where the "Black people like grape juice" came from?) - I picked some grapes the other day and made some grape juice... I guess you could say I concord the grapes
- I like my wine like I like my women. I prefer grape juice.
- Why do they call it wine? Oh no! Someone left the grape juice out, and now it's spooooooooiled!
Elephant Grape Jokes
Here is a list of funny elephant grape jokes and even better elephant grape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's similar between an elephant and a grape? They both have a trunk, except the grape
- In what way is an elephant like a grape? They're both purple, except for the elephant.
- Whats the difference between an elephant and a grape? They are both purple, except for the elephant.
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? Elephant grape sine theta.
Playful Grape Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about grape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peach jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grape pranks.
I once knew a girl so skinny...
that when she swallowed a grape, 3 men left town.
(it takes some thought)
Todd Akin
If Todd Akin owned a winery it would be called "The Legitimate Grape"
Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any Jéws in China?"
"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jéws ?"
Waiter: "No Chinese Jéws, Sir." "Are you really sure?"
Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jéws ."
The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange Jéws, Prune Jéws, Tomato Jéws and Grape Jéws but we have no Chinese Jéws."
moles
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
Why couldn't the grape help his friend move on Saturday?
because he was in a jam
So I was trying to grab a grape with my fork...
But it slipped. It seems as though my efforts were...
Fruitless.
What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long?
I hate raisin kids!
I Enjoyed Your Joke, soue13, I've Also Come Up With One. At Age 25..
Did you guys hear about the dried grape at the party last night?
He was really RAISIN the roof!
I stepped on a grape once.
It didn't scream, but it did let out a little whine.
What does a Tiger say after drinking two bottles of wine?
Theeyyyrree grape!
I asked a grape about parenthood
But it didn't know much about baby raisin.
What is a grape without 'g'?
It's still a grape, just without gravity.
What did the fruit say to the vegetable?
Lettuce be grape friends.
What do grapefruit and women have in common?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Why are grapes so fun to go clubbing with?
Because they're always raisin the roof.
My coworker asked if I had any nuts. I offered grapes and they turned me down...
Then I said, "You're nuts to pass up a grape deal like that!"
I just found a fruit roll-up in my pocket
That means one of my kids has a grape flavored blunt rap in their lunch box.
Did you hear about the strawberry jam and grape jelly hooking up?
They got marmalaid.
What is Bill Cosby's favourite Jello flavor?
Grape
What did the religious pear say to the grape that lost his wife?
"Everything happens for a raisin"
What did the grapes say to their parents after they put them into a nursing home?
Thanks for raisin us
What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team?
You're going to have to ci-tris one out.
Adolf h**...'s Refrigerator
Adolf h**... opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
Grapes are so predictable at poker
Eventually, they all end up raisin
Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid?
Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.
Why did the raisin go to the police?
Because, he was a grape victim.
I just heard a dried up grape won the lottery, got a supermodel girlfriend and won a brand new car.
I guess everything happens for a raisin.
What crime did the viticulturist get imprisoned for?
Grape.
My 5-year old cousin asked if he can have a mini-apple...
If he could learn the names of fruits, that would be grape
what does a grape and jamaicans have in common
absolutely nothing
I just love rehydrated raisins
They're grape.
My wife is like a grape
She lets out a little whine.
What's the worst flavour of grape?
g**...!
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe d**..., BREATHE!
Why did the raisin go to jail
Someone called grape.
What is an Indian's favourite grape?
g**....
My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion.
I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.
I was reared by a grape.
It was tough at first, but once it shriveled up, it was a breeze raisin me.
President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry
He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating
"I would like to make raisins Grape again"
I was once s**... assaulted at a vineyard...
It was grape.
I am in grape shape...
That is not a typo...I'm round.
If we could get Red states and Blue states to work together...
We really could Make America Grape Again.
What question does employee grape ask of employer grape?
"Can I get me a raisin?"
I saw a wineo eating a grape.
I was like "dude, you have to wait"
What do you call it when you brew a batch of wine too early?
Statutory Grape.
Why did the grape cross the road?
No raisin.
What happens when you rehydrate a raisin before it's ready?
Statutory Grape.
What do you call it when a fruit is fertilized without consent?
Grape.
A man was killed with grape jelly.
The way he died was jarring
What did the raisin say to the grape?
Is it just me, or is it cold in here?
A Jewish couple visit China
A Jewish couple is visiting China, and as they sit down to dinner they begin to wonder about whether there are any ancient synagogues to visit.
The waiter comes to take their order, and the couple asks if there are any Chinese jews, the waiter asks them to wait a minute and comes right back.
"We have apple Jews, orange Jews, grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews."
Cr
What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers?
Raisin debt
Jesus must be grape...
Cause now he's a raisin.
I tell ya, it's fine to eat one test grape in the produce section ...
But take *one bite* of rotisserie chicken, and they're all, "Sir, you need to leave."
Hands sticky and tingling he kept on. Still s**... and l**... he tilted his head back as he had it t**... into his mouth letting the sticky juices flow down his t**....
Grape was his favourite flavour and this was his favourite popsicle.
What did the green grape say to the red grape?
BREATHE YOU IDIOT
On Halloween I give young kids little boxes of raisins.
I've been accused of statutory grape.
A grape is kidnapped and dies of dehydration
At the f**..., the wife of the grape asks if the policegrape has any leads, to which he responds.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't comment on currant investigations"
