The Best 70 Grandson Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Grandson jokes. There are some grandson son jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grandson grandma puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Grandson Jokes and Puns

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

Grandfather Joke

A grandfather told his grandson that his generation was too reliant on technology.

The grandson responded No Grandpa, your generation is too reliant on technology

He then disconnected his life support.

A Shlep on the Beach

A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"

Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:

"He had a hat!"

Grandson joke, A Shlep on the Beach

Hey grandson, what's the name of that german man who makes me go crazy?

Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer...

An old man is lying on his death bed...

... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."

The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."


A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little shit's name is Kevin."

A Child Didn't Attend School

Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"

Grandson joke, A Child Didn't Attend School

The Good Old Days!

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!

"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."Β 

An old cowboy told his grandson...

An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

A man is lying in is deathbed...

And he is saying goodbyes. His grandson comes to his side, and he asks a final question: "Before I die, I want to have one last taste of your mother's gazpacho. Please, go to her."
The little boy leaves and returns. "Where's the gazpacho?" the old man asks.
"Mommy says its for after."

Junkie grandson : Grandma,grandma did you see my pills I left on the table ?

Grandma: F*ck the pills,did you see those dragons in the kitchen ?

You can explore grandson brother reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grandson uncle dad jokes. There are also grandson puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Nostalgic grandpa

A grandfather to his grandson: when i was you age id grab $5 and get groceries for the entire week.

The grandson: We can't do that now grandpa..they have cameras installed.

GRANDPA'S CONDOMS

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Big enough to fit a Camel."

Grandma, how old are you?

"A woman never reveals her age", she replied to her young grandson.

He said "Alright, just give me the first digit"

"Six" she said.

"And the second?"

Grandma sighed. "Seven."

"And the third?"

A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What...you coming empty handed?"

Grandson joke, The Jewish Elbow

What kind of food can you color with?

A cranberry! ~ Esher (my Grandson) age 5

Degree

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?

The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, Someday, you're going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom's basement playing video games all day!

His reply: I can only dream.


Grandad: hey Sonny, what's the name of that German?

Grandson: for the thousandth time grandad, it's Alzheimer

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

A Jewish Grandmother and her Grandson are walking on the beach...

When a wave comes over the grandson and takes him under. The grandmother falls to her knees and begs, "Oh God! Please bring back my grandson!"

Another wave crashes, and the grandson is soaked, but otherwise unharmed. The grandmother looks to the skies and says, "Where's his hat?"

After 10 years struggling in Engineering School, my grandson told me he's going to quit.

I said "Well, it's your life and your decision. I still believe some day I'll graduate."

My grandson asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone.

When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

A grandfather is telling his grandson war stories...

Grandfather: Did I ever tell you about the time we destroyed the opposing forces?

Grandson: I don't think you have...

Grandfather: it was hundred to two... Clearly outmatched. But we destroyed them both!

This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa

Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section

Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*

Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*

Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...

Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections

My 2.5 year old's joke

**Grandma to kids:** Are you Jack? Are you Harry?

**Kids**: nooooo (laughter)

**Grandma to 2.5 year old grandson**: Are you Mo?

**Grandson**: I mow the lawn!

A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."

Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the funeral."

Grandfather to his grandson: "Quick! Hide! Your teacher is coming here because you skipped school today."

Grandson: "No! YOU hide. I told her you died today!"

"Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?"

"Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."

what do you call Johnny Cash's millennial grandson

Johnny Bitcoin

An old man said to his grandson playing on a tablet...You younger generation are too dependent on technology.

His grandson said...Which one of us needs a pacemaker to live?

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

How to Live a Long Life

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

My grandson identifies as a waning moon.

I can't see much of my sun in him.

Farmer Smartass

A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"

The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."

An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,

Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall

$2 Grandpa....

Grandfather : There was once a time when I used to go with $2 in my pocket and I would come home with all groceries, bread, butter, milk, cookies, newspaper, etc.

Grandson : It's not possible to do so these days Grandpa. They've installed CCTV everywhere ...

a grandson is talking to his very ill grandmother and asks her whether she would prefer to be buried or cremated...

and she replies.
"Surprise me"

An old man asks his grandson "What was that German who keeps hiding my stuff called?"

The grandson replies "Alzheimer".

TIL that the "o" in Irish names denote that you're a grandson

My great-great-great-great grandfather was Reilly, Vehiclepiece. I'm O'O'O'Reilly, Autoparts

A grandpa and his 10 year old grandson are at a restaurant...

While they are eating, a baby screams across the restaurant.
The grandpa says "Was that you?"

The 10 year old looked very mad while the grandpa laughed
The next day, the two are watching a world war II movie

During the movie a soldier screams
The boy says "Was that you?"

The grandpa says "No that was Jeremy"

Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance?

Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream

Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?

Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem gawddam cameras around!

Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities,

Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

Grandad "Here's 5 bucks, bring me back a 6 pack and a bag of chips." Grandson "Grandad, 5 bucks isnt enough" Grandad "back in my day...

2 bucks could get you a beer, chips, a chocolate bar, a sandwhich and a newspaper!

Nowadays you can't do that anymore, there's cameras everywhere!"

What did the grandpa say to his grandson right before he kicked the bucket?

Hey do you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?...

"What, you're coming empty handed?"

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?

Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.

Do you know what the last thing my grandfather said to me was before he kicked the bucket?

Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.

Secret to long life

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.

The grandson took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96.

When he died, he left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

A Grandmother Asks His Grandson: Hey, what is the name of that german guy that always hides my stuff?

Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer.

Three generations were having brunch together

The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

What's the difference between North Korea and the USA?

In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.

In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.

A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"

"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."

Mr. Johnson was playing in his frontyard with his fav grandson Toby when he saw Toby's teacher approaching

Mr. Johnson : "Toby go hide now, boy. It's your teacher. Aren't you skipping school?"

Toby : "Oh no! You go hide grandpa! Quick! Now!"

Mr. Johnson "Why should I? You're the one skipping school here!"

Toby : "That's the problem, grandpa. I told Mr. Anderson you died this morning. That's why i'm skipping school"

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar

...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..

Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.

A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match

Grandpa: who's playing?

Grandson: Czech and Slovakia

Grandpa: against who?

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:

You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

You're coming empty handed"?

Grandpa: You can tell if a guy is gay from the color of his underwear.

Grandson: You mean like if they're pink, or purple?

Grandpa: What the hell is wrong with a guy wearing pink or purple?! No, no, no: white stains on the back side, brown stains on the front!

Grandson Talking to His Grandfather:

"Grandpa, after 65 years of marriage, you still call Grandma 'sweetheart', 'darling' and 'honey'. What's your secret to keeping the flame burning?"

Grandpa: "I forgot her name 5 years ago and I don't dare ask"

Killer

A grandson asks his grandfather:

Grampa did you get to kill anyone when you were in the army?

Yes, I killed more than 50 men.

But I tought you were an helicopter mechanic!

Yes, but not a good one.

A visit to my grandmother

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:


"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14.
When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".


"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?


"You're coming empty handed"?

An old man is talking to his grandson about how things were cheaper when he was a boy

He said that when he was a boy he could walk into a shop with Β£5 and walk out with a loaf of bread and milk coffee a tub of butter some bacon a pack of cigarettes and a news paper. The boy said that's amazing can I do that. The old man said no. You can't do that nowadays there are too many security cameras.

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

A grandma asks her grandson if he'd like to go shopping with her.

The grandson responds "Not now, Grandma, I'm watching a soccer game!"


"Oh, really? Who's playing?"


"Czechs on Slovakia!"


"Against who?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grandson granddaughter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grandson eldest piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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