Grandparents Jokes
83 grandparents jokes and hilarious grandparents puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grandparents that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover humorous stories, jokes, and tales that celebrate the special connection between kids and their grandparents. Learn how children laugh and feel when playing with their granddad or talking to their grandma. Treasure these timeless moments of childhood, and make every Grandparents Day extra special.
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Funniest Grandparents Short Jokes
Short grandparents jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grandparents humour may include short grandma and grandpa jokes also.
- I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery. None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.
- 23andme is a scam. I know for a fact my grandparents immigrated to America from argentina, but my results still came back German .
- Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ? Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
- What did our grandparents do without TV or internet? I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.
- When I was younger, my parents used to make me go stay with my grandparents at the weekend And it was so cold in that cemetery!
- How did our grandparents killed time when there were no Smartphones and Internet? I already asked my mom, her four sisters and five brothers.
- A Jewish man walks up to an Asian man... The Jewish man says
"Hey, your eyes are really squinted, must be hard for you to see, huh!"
The Asian man says
"Well at least I can see my grandparents." - Both my grandparents were midgets They struggled to put food on the table their whole lives
- How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent.. I'll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her.
Guy: Hi, I'm Paul.
Her: Hi, I'm pregnant.
Case closed. - Scientists say you're more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents If anyone sees any German snipers let me know
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Grandparents One Liners
Which grandparents one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grandparents? I can suggest the ones about grandpa and grandma and grandmother.
- My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident They will be mist... :'(
- I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under.
- My grandparents fought during World War II. They ended up getting a divorce.
- Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents? They were all relatives.
- Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? Because they have a common enemy
- What do grandparents smell like? "Depends"
- (My 6 year old sister made this) Whats a grandparents favorite bird? A crane
- Why do grandparents have so many clocks? So they won't run out of time
- My grandparents just got a chihuahua named Peewee We call him Peewee hermano
- "Mom, Dad, you're going to be grandparents." "Honey, you're 16
- I asked my grandparents how they managed to be married for 55 years They forgot to leave
- I'd call my grandparents Fossils, but they don't burn as well as coal.
- Trump won't get re-elected if we just stop fixing our grandparents' WiFi.
- Why are great grandparents better than regular grandparents. Because they are great.
- Do you know why your great grandparents are like a treasure? Because they're buried.
Grandparents Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny grandparents day jokes and even better grandparents day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My German grandparents used to hide Jewish children in their basement. Turns out that gets you arrested in this day and age.
- I was visiting my strict grandparents when they caught me hacking on a beautiful summer day, so they wanted me out of the house... They really didn't like the mess I made of Miss Day.
Fun-Filled Grandparents Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about grandparents you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grandfather jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grandparents pranks.
WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...
(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game
Grandpa's Rocking Chair
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
So I was trying to explain slavery to a group of black teenagers...
...they didn't like the idea, but their grandparents were sold on it!
An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...
An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)
Sunday Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Kentucky Christmas
What is the worst part of being a kid in Kentucky at Christmas? Only having one set of grandparents buying you gifts.
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?
Grandparents.
What's the downside of being a r**... kid at Christmas?
You only get presents from one set of grandparents.
My Grandparents bought a new China set...
They asked me what I thought of it...
I said it was fine...
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
From where did the s**... whale get it's name?
Ask your grandparents.
When I was a teenager I saw my grandparents having s**......
...It was the grossest thing I ever saw...
...once I finished.
[WARNING, spoilers ahead!]
1.) Storing milk at room temperature
2.) Grandparents
3.) Black people in a movie theatre
I once saw my grandparents have s**...
And that's why I don't eat raisins
My grandparents, parents, and even my siblings have chronic diarrhea...
runs in the family
People say that s**... ed classes in America are uncomfortable. But I think that history classes in Germany are worse.
"Hey kids, you'll never guess what your grandparents did..."
t**... are like grandparents.
You don't really pay them too much attention, but you miss them when they're gone.
The little girl asks her parents "Mom, Dad why did you name me Candy?"
The mom replies " because we want to be grandparents really soon"
last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary
So we threw them a g**....
When I was kid, everytime we attend a wedding...
My grandparents always tease me that I will be next. They were not happy when I said the same thing when we saw a f**... procession.
So many jokes about the Holocaust but how would you feel if your grandparent died in Auschwitz?
My grandad did, he fell off the guard tower.
People always say that when you're nervous while giving a presentation to picture the audience in their underwear
I'll never look at my grandparents the same ever again
Shout out to my grandparents!
Not because they both helped out with something, but because they have a hearing disability.
How do you get your grandparents to stop saying your life depends on technology?
Reply, No, u. as you reach for the plug.
I starred in an award winning one man show...
about my life growing up in a small town. Because I love them so much, I bought my grandparents expensive box seats to see it. After the show they were so excited to tell me how great it was. My grandpa looked at me with pride in his eyes and said, Congratulations. You played yourself.
A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.
As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a t**....
Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb
It was a grave mistake
My Grandparents passed away together last night. He went peacefully in his sleep, but she was apparently distraught before dying, screaming and crying hysterically
I guess we really should've taken away his license
What's a geometry teacher's favorite drink?
Ovaltine!
My 7 year old made this one up today. Thanks, grandparents!
Coronavirus is much older than we knew
My great great grandparents came West in a Covid wagon
What do you call parents who don't teach their children about safe s**...?
Grandparents!
A Child walks in on his parents...
He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son m**...
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand
The class is learning about the holocaust, when the teacher asks if anyone's grandparents died in the deathcamps. Little Billy puts his hand up.
"Oh... Class, let us hold a minute of silence for him. If it is not too indiscreet, how did he die?"
"Fell off a watchtower."
I saw a whip under my grandparent's bed, I asked my grandpa what it was for
He said, "beats me"
A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"
The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''
My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain
when I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard
My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.
They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, no, your generation depends too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support.
The secret to a good marriage
It was grandparents day at school.
"Steven, please come up here and tell the class your story about your grandparent", the teacher said.
"Goodmorning everyone", Steven begins. " My grandpa is a very wise man. He has the answer to everything. He has been married for almost 50 years now. So I asked him , what was his secret. He looked at me, thought a bit and began. son there only one single thing to a good marriage...."
The whole class seemed to hold their breath. Everything seemed to stand still.
" And when I find out what that is, I will get married again".
Little Johnny
An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,
"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"
Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"
Little Johnny: "Run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Oh my God! That's terrible! Are your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or any of your relatives at home?"
Little Johnny: "No! All of them run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "What are you doing all day then?"
Little Johnny: "Drive the tractor!"
The funniest thing my grandpa ever said
I was visiting my grandparents a couple years back and my grandma brought up that the PA at the local clinic, an attractive 30-something year-old woman, was moving out of town. My grandpa piped up with "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Do you know how hard it is for a man my age to get a 33 year old woman to put her finger up my b**...?"
He passed away this morning. I love you grandpa.
I find it really awkward that my Grandparents named my Dad's sister "Vaccine"...
I'm embarrassed to tell people that she's Auntie Vax.
23andme is a fake, rip-off scam website.
The results of my ancestry came back 85% German and 10% Bavarian/Eastern European, but I know *FOR A FACT* that my grandparents came to the USA from **Argentina!**
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger boy began praying at the top of his voice. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE!"
the older brother leaned over and nudged his younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandma is!" the little brother replied
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?
