Grandma Birthday Jokes
20 grandma birthday jokes and hilarious grandma birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grandma birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grandma Birthday Short Jokes
Short grandma birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grandma birthday humour may include short grandma christmas jokes also.
- The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."
- What did 50cent say to his grandma when she gave him a knitted sweater for his birthday? G u knit!
- My Grandma died on her 100th birthday. It was a real shame as we were only half way though giving her the bumps.
- As a huge Beatles fan I always wanted to look like one of the band.
So for my birthday my grandma gave me a haircut.
Now I look like Lenin. - My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday. She told me not to spend it all in one place.
- It was my grandmas birthday yesterday... She loves giraffes so I brought her d**... 4 on DVD
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Grandma Birthday One Liners
Which grandma birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grandma birthday? I can suggest the ones about grandma and old grandma.
- Whats gray and found between grandpa's legs? Grandma on his birthday.
- What do you get Grandma for her 90th birthday? A coffin.
Grandma Birthday Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about grandma birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean granny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grandma birthday pranks.
Great grandma calling her shot
My great grandmother was notorious for kind of edgy but hilarious jokes.. she also lived to 103 and 50 weeks.
At her f**... her daughter told my brother and I about the last time she saw her. She said she was getting everything together to leave and had told her mother goodbye and that she'd be back in a few weeks to see her for her birthday. My great grandmother, said with a grin and a big laugh well, you better bring a shovel!
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday.
But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?"
"Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.
"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"
21st Birthdays
A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.
So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."
A young boy wakes up on his 12th birthday.
He then decides to figure out who knows how old he is. First, he comes to his dad and asks:
- Hey dad, it's my birthday today! Do you know how old am I? Dad replies.
- I don't remember son, maybe 14?
-No dad, I'm 12!
After that he decides to ask his grandma, because she is old and probably doesn't know a thing.
- Hey grandma, it's my birthday! Do you know how old am I?
- I can figure it out, - she says, and then proceeds to put her hand inside boy's underwear. She starts to squeeze and roll his t**... around and after about 5 minutes she says:
- You're 12.
The boy amazed by grandma's technique asks how did she figure it out.
- I've heard you and dad talk.
Grandma
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where
the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when
she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to
the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again
the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again
grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi
Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
nephew: "They won't let me f**...."
p**...'s 18th birthday
p**... had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when p**...'s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal m**..., took a boat out to the middle of the lake, p**..., stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
m**... just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, p**... went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him "
Granny looked deeply into p**...'s, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
There was a little boy celebrating his 11th birthday.
He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.
The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.
Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".
"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.
She plays with his t**... for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".
"How did you know?" the boy asked.
Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”