Grandfather Jokes

Funniest Grandfather Short Jokes

Short grandfather jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grandfather humour may include short granddad jokes also.

1. My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
2. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
3. My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
4. My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather Until my mother took the urn from me
5. My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2 He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
6. I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
7. Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
   Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
   Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
   Guy: No, minding his own business.
8. My grandfather was part of Antifa back in the 1940s. Back then they called it the US Army.
9. If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
   My grandfathers favorite joke.
10. My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.

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Grandfather One Liners

Which grandfather one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grandfather? I can suggest the ones about grandpa and grandpa and grandson.

1. I inherited my great-grandfather's antique wig-making equipment. It's a family hairloom.
2. I still remember my grandfather's last words Don't point that gun at me you idiot
3. I'll never forget the words of my late Grandfather... "Sorry I'm late."
4. My grandfather was a legendary Russian roulette player He only ever lost once
5. My grandfather survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings Being in Canada helped.
6. My grandfather always said, "Be envied, not envious." I wish I'd thought of that quote.
7. My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon It never really took off.
8. My grandfather has a heart of a tiger. He also has a lifetime ban at the zoo.
9. My 83 year old grandfather is still trying to be a successful rapper, his name? Two canes
10. My Grandfather has the heart of a lion! And a ban from the cincinnati zoo
11. My grandfather died at auschwitz He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.
12. What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock? "Look Grandpa, no hands!"
13. My grandfather died peacefully and in his sleep but the kids on his bus were screaming.
14. My Grandfather died in Auschwitz Poor guy fell out of the guard tower
15. My grandfather was a baker in the army... ...he went in all buns glazing.

Great Grandfather Jokes

Here is a list of funny great grandfather jokes and even better great grandfather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.
• My grandfather always used to say as one door closes another one opens Great guy.
  Terrible carpenter.
• I was really proud of my heritage until I found out that my great grandfather was from Transylvania. Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
• My great grandfather once destroyed 18 WW2 German aircrafts in one day. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
• My great grandfather sunk 5 U-boats in ww2 Easily the worst captain the kriegsmarine had
• When my Great Grandfather died they cremated his body but kept his toupee. It is considered a family hairloom.
• My great grandfather, grandfather, and father were born without legs. I guess it runs in the- wait a minute
• My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition It was a whiskey business
• My grandfather always said "son, you need to fight fire with fire..." Great guy, terrible fireman though
• My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.

Grandfather Grandson Jokes

Here is a list of funny grandfather grandson jokes and even better grandfather grandson puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Do you know what the last thing my grandfather said to me was before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
• What's the difference between North Korea and the USA? In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.
  In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.
• Nostalgic grandpa A grandfather to his grandson: when i was you age id grab $5 and get groceries for the entire week.
  The grandson: We can't do that now grandpa..they have cameras installed.
• Grandfather to his grandson: "Quick! Hide! Your teacher is coming here because you skipped school today." Grandson: "No! YOU hide. I told her you died today!"
• TIL that the "o" in Irish names denote that you're a grandson My great-great-great-great grandfather was Reilly, Vehiclepiece. I'm O'O'O'Reilly, Autoparts
• Food problems Grandfather:When I was a young boy we had to queue for a long time to get meat here in the USSR
  Grandson:uhh...so grandpa what is meat?

New Grandfather Jokes

Here is a list of funny new grandfather jokes and even better new grandfather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My grandfather's new 21 year old wife denies she's a gold digger but I think it's a little suspicious she married him less than a week after his death.
• My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle."
  Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."
• He looks just like his grandfather —- a sweet thing to say about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama, it's an accusation.
• My grandfather was telling me about his new top-of-the-line hearing aid. "Yeah, it's the most expensive model they had! It cost me almost $6000!"
  "What kind is it?"
  "About a quarter past 6."
• My grandfather has been diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. It isn't so bad because he enjoys meeting new people.
• My grandfather had the heart of a lion... And a ban from the New York Zoo.

Becoming A Grandfather Jokes

Here is a list of funny becoming a grandfather jokes and even better becoming a grandfather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology. "They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.
• I asked my veteran grandfather what's the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet? Why didn't you become a real doctor?
• Before my grandfather died, he asked me to follow in his footsteps and become a metal worker. He told me it would be quite riveting.
• You know what's the worst thing about becoming a grandfather? You have to sleep with a grandmother from now on.
• When dads become grandfathers... Their dad jokes grow exponentially, just like their lineage.

Milton Jones Grandfather Jokes

Here is a list of funny milton jones grandfather jokes and even better milton jones grandfather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When my grandfather got sick, my grandmother rubbed lard all over his back. After that he went downhill very quickly.
  \- Milton Jones
• My Grandfather is always complaining about the cost of things: " $5 for a cup of coffee, $7 for a cookie?" I said " Look Grandad, you just showed up: I didn't invite you..."
  Milton Jones

Ridiculous Grandfather Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about grandfather you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grandpa and grandma jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grandfather pranks.