Grandfather Grandson Jokes
36 grandfather grandson jokes and hilarious grandfather grandson puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grandfather grandson that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grandfather Grandson Short Jokes
Short grandfather grandson jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grandfather grandson humour may include short grandfather jokes also.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
- Do you know what the last thing my grandfather said to me was before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
- What's the difference between North Korea and the USA? In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.
In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather. - Nostalgic grandpa A grandfather to his grandson: when i was you age id grab $5 and get groceries for the entire week.
The grandson: We can't do that now grandpa..they have cameras installed. - Grandfather to his grandson: "Quick! Hide! Your teacher is coming here because you skipped school today." Grandson: "No! YOU hide. I told her you died today!"
- TIL that the "o" in Irish names denote that you're a grandson My great-great-great-great grandfather was Reilly, Vehiclepiece. I'm O'O'O'Reilly, Autoparts
- Food problems Grandfather:When I was a young boy we had to queue for a long time to get meat here in the USSR
Grandson:uhh...so grandpa what is meat?
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Grandfather Grandson Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about grandfather grandson you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean great grandfather jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grandfather grandson pranks.
An old ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in
"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.
Grandfather Joke
A grandfather told his grandson that his generation was too reliant on technology.
The grandson responded No Grandpa, your generation is too reliant on technology
He then disconnected his life support.
A Loving Grandpa
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Grandad says again in a calm and controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay.
Grandad smiled, and the woman said, William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William.......the little s**...'s name is Kevin."
Assisted Living
A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in an assisted living home.
Unfortunately, all the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home.
After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit their
abuelo...
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson. "It's wonderful, everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong
place for you. You know, since you are a little different from
everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the
residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the
violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him "Maestro".
"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on
the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him "Your Honor".
"And there's a physician here that is 90 years old. He hasn't
practiced medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him
"Doctor"
"And me, I haven't had s**... for 35 years and they still call me 'The
F---ing Mexican"
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson.
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin."
A Ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"
A ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"
"Yes, child," he says, patting his grandson's head.
"But I heard that there were no consequences at all; is this true too?"
"Yes, child," he says, patting his grandson's other head.
And then they strolled off together, wagging their tails.
A grandfather takes his grandson hunting for the first time
They are on the look-out when a young deer appears in the middle of the clearing, the little one raises his rifle but his grandfather stops him saying "that one is too young, let's wait a bit more".
They wait, and a magnificent deer in the prime of his years struts into the clearing and the young lad raises his rifle again. Again the grandfather stops him and explains "we need strong young deer to keep the population healthy."
They continue to wait and eventually a scraggly little thing covered in scars, with only three legs and missing an eye stumbles onto the clearing. The grandson looks questioningly at his grandfather asking "Is this one ok?" -"Yes, we always shoot at that one!"
Wise Italian Grandfather.
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, g**..., I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little s**...'s name is Kevin."
Inside a supermarket, a woman spots........
a grandfather and his poorly behaved three-yearold grandson. Easy, Billy, says grandfather calmly. We won't be long.
In the cookie aisle, the woman hears the kid whining some more, I want cookies! Gimme cookies!
It's OK Billy, just a couple more minutes, and we'll be out of here. Just hang on; you're doing great, says the grandfather.
At the check out, the kid screams, CANDY! I want candy!
Billy, Billy, relax, pal. Don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes.
The woman is impressed. You're amazing, she tells the grandfather. You kept your composure no matter how loud he got. Billy is very lucky to have you as a grandpa.
Thanks, replies the grandfather. But I'm Billy. The little twerp is Michael.
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
A grandfather is telling his grandson war stories...
Grandfather: Did I ever tell you about the time we destroyed the opposing forces?
Grandson: I don't think you have...
Grandfather: it was hundred to two... Clearly outmatched. But we destroyed them both!
A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.
"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"
His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"
Farmer Smartass
A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"
The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."
An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,
Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall
s**... worm
A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.
The grandson says:
- I'm shoving the worms back into their hole.
- And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?
- It's a secret grandfather!
- I'll give you 10 bucks if you teach me how to do it.
- Well, I'll spread some wood glue, stretch the worm, wait until it dries and stays hard and then just put it in the hole.
- Take your 10 bucks.
The next day the grandfather goes to the kid, takes $100 from his pocket and gives to the grandson.
- Grandfather, have you forgotten? You already gave me $10 yesterday.
- I know. Those $100 are from your grandmother.
$2 Grandpa....
Grandfather : There was once a time when I used to go with $2 in my pocket and I would come home with all groceries, bread, butter, milk, cookies, newspaper, etc.
Grandson : It's not possible to do so these days Grandpa. They've installed CCTV everywhere ...
A Grandfather talks to his grandson
Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream
Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem gawddam cameras around!
A little boy is sitting with his grandfather (Hans) on a hill overlooking their small town.
The grandfather points out a church in the middle of town and says, "you see that church? I built it, but do they call me "Hans the Church Builder"? No."
A couple minutes later, Hans points out a long brick wall along the outskirts of town. He says to his grandson, "you see that brick wall? I laid all those bricks, but do they call me "Hans the Brick-Layer"? No."
A little while later, Hans points to a bridge just outside of town and says "you see that bridge? I built that bridge! Do they call me "Hans the Bridge-Builder"? No! But you f\*\*k *one sheep*..."
Three generations were having brunch together
The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"
A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"
"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."
Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar
...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..
Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.
Grandson Talking to His Grandfather:
"Grandpa, after 65 years of marriage, you still call Grandma 'sweetheart', 'darling' and 'honey'. What's your secret to keeping the flame burning?"
Grandpa: "I forgot her name 5 years ago and I don't dare ask"
Killer
A grandson asks his grandfather:
Grampa did you get to kill anyone when you were in the army?
Yes, I killed more than 50 men.
But I tought you were an helicopter mechanic!
Yes, but not a good one.
A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?"
"Yes, there was"
answers the Grandpa and patted the grandson's head.
"Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?"
"Yes, absolutely"
answered the Grandpa, and patted the grandson's other head.
The whole family are having breakfast together when…
The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"
An old man was visiting his daughter and grandson
During the visit, the grandson crawled up into his lap and said "Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"
"Why sure!" the man said & offered several croaking ribbit sounds.
Delighted, the boy jumped down and ran over to a nearby closet, working hard to remove a suitcase from the back.
"Now why do you need that all of a sudden?" the grandfather asked.
And the boy replied "Because Mama says we can go to Disney World when you croak!"
A Grandfather tells his Grandson, "When I was a boy, you could go into a store with change in your pocket, and come out with a loaf of bread, lunch meat, and a bottle of milk.
The Grandson replies, " You can't do that anymore Grandpa, there's too many cameras now".