Granddaughter Jokes
28 granddaughter jokes and hilarious granddaughter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about granddaughter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover funny granddaughter jokes perfect for your favorite niece or grand daughter's birthday! Read the best jokes about granddaughters, the eldest of the family, and the relationships between granddaughters and their aunts.
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Funniest Granddaughter Short Jokes
Short granddaughter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The granddaughter humour may include short grandchild jokes also.
- My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - Where does a bumblebee sit? On her bee-hind!
As told to me by my very excited 3 year granddaughter. - I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad. That Fly didn't stand a chance.
- I asked my Granddaughter to hand me the newspaper. She told me newspapers are outdated, and everyone now uses tablets, so she handed me her iPad. That Fly didn't stand a chance.
- I was visiting my granddaughter the other day and asked to borrow a newspaper. It's 2019, we don't buy newspapers anymore. Here's my iPad.
I'll tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him. - If a grandpa has a child with his granddaughter he's a great grandpa... but a horrible father.
- "And this baby is our granddaughter. Her name is Degree." "I'm sorry, did you say Deborah?"
"No, no. Degree. Our daughter left for University and came back with this. It's her Degree." - Fairy tales My granddaughter asked me, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?
I said, no, some begin with "If elected, I promise to……………………" - 4 legged table joke Q: At a four-legged table, there is one grandma, two mothers, two daughters and a granddaughter. How many legs are under the table?
A: There are 10 legs under the table in total. - A third old woman, full of happiness, asks her granddaughter; "My sweety, remind me please.. What’s the name of that German guy that blew my mind off...?"
"Alzheimer, granny!"
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Granddaughter One Liners
Which granddaughter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with granddaughter? I can suggest the ones about grandson and grandmother.
- What does Lil Kim's granddaughter call her when she's sick? Ill Nana
- Nobody except an English major appreciates when I say ... my granddaughter has double Ds
- My husband didn't pull out Now I have a granddaughter.
- Breaking: Man stabbed and killed Morgan Freeman 's granddaughter
- With my 4 year old granddaughter: What's a cat's favorite pasta? Mousearoni
- Q: What did h**... get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
Grandpa Granddaughter Jokes
Here is a list of funny grandpa granddaughter jokes and even better grandpa granddaughter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My grandpa would always tell me "You're my favorite granddaughter" I was his only granddaughter.
Amusing & Witty Granddaughter Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about granddaughter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grandfather grandson jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make granddaughter pranks.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Marriage joke
My husband and I couldn't decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, I said, what would you get?
A bulletproof one, he said. I'm married.
Backfired!
My grandkids always say, "I LOVE (insert food, activity etc.) My dad answer is always, "So why don't you marry it?"
Today my granddaughter had a plate of watermelon and of course said "I LOVE watermelon." Before I could reply she said, "I think I'm gonna marry it!" She was so proud to beat me at my game, but I was even prouder.
A grandfather is walking home with his granddaughter after church. Did God make you, PopPop? the girl asks.
Yep! He certainly did, the old man answers.
And did he make me too? she asks next.
Of course he did, the old man answers again.
Well, she replies, he's certainly getting better at it.
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor for a s**... test.
The doctor gives him a bottle to collect his s**... with. The next day he comes back with an empty bottle. He looks at the doctor and says:
"I've tried with my left hand and then with my right hand. My wife tried with both her hands. Even my daughter tried with both her hands and her mouth as well, same with my granddaughter. Even the neighbour and her daughter couldn't get it done! Doctor, could you open this bottle for me?"
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot deep hole where the crematorium used to be.
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?
She loves this one:
A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up, opens the door, no one there. He looks down and it's that snail. Snail looks up and yells "what the heck was that about?!!!".
At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?
I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.
Everyone then looked at my husband and he said, She's probably right.
Maker
A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her
grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her
grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job
lately."
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.
When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
As my two-and-a-half-year old granddaughter and I are about to go out the door, I look down.
As I looked down, our 'big girl' had her shoes on backwards. So I said, "Good job putting your shoes on by yourself, Love, but you have them on the wrong feet."
She looks down.
She looks back up at me and says with big innocent eyes, "But Grammy, I don't have any other feet?!" ♡♡
The secret to a long life…
The secret to a long life...
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Where do baby cows eat dinner?
**In a calfeteria.**
(Told to me by my 5 year old granddaughter)
