Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Grammar puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Too
It was given two consecutive sentences.
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
And no one came.
Because English majors have no jobs.
It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.
Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"
He said "I am very hungry."
"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."
You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.
They told me that case was sensitive.
Double negatives are a no no.
Their grammar is terrible!
Because English majors can't find jobs!
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
Their called the Alt-Write now
Just like grammar used to make.
One missed period is enough to freak them out.
They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.
Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance
"Yeah, right!"
She always corrects my grammar while having sex. I'll go "suck it good" and she'll reply "it's suck it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An orgy?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
He's leaving of his own accord.
If your good with grammar you'll get it.
A droid
English is second language.... excuse grammar
My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny
In 18th century America, a schoolteacher decides that he's sick and tired of teaching spelling and grammar to children all day. So he quits his job, sells his house, and plans to become a pirate. He goes down the harbor to buy a boat and hire a crew. Once his crew is ready, they head out onto the high seas, with the captain/former teacher at the helm.
As they sail, they spy a merchant ship on the horizon and start chasing it. As they catch up, the captain tells the first mate to command the crew to start priming the cannons. The first mate sends the message down and the crew readies the cannonballs, prepares the gunpowder, and takes aim at the merchant ship. The first mate runs back up to the helm and says "captain, the cannons be ready!"
The captain turns to the first mate and says "are!"
The Alt-Write.
A grammar teacher was lecturing his students on double negatives. He explains, "In some languages, take English, for example, if you were to use double negatives, it is the equivalent of a positive. It isn't considered proper grammar for that reason."
A student raises his hand. "Like in Algebra?"
"Exactly. However, in other languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. For those of you who are curious, there is no language where a double positive equals a negative."
A student piped up in the back. "Yeah, right."
I texted back, "No. YOU'RE adorable."
Now she's falling for me. I was only correcting her grammar.
SYNONYM ROLLS!
The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.
In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.
'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'
Miss Campbell blushes and yells:
'Out!'
Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:
'Not you... the others!'
"You are quite the Pirate. I know of ye and your men. The most fearsome thing on the sea" Complimented Bloodbeard.
"Well I know too well 'you - "Sea Butcher". One Handed Jack! You are the scourge of the seas! We are indebted to host your accompanyment!"
"Also known are ye for your grammar and acquiestment of English and many languages!"
"But still, you are twice the pirate that I, or any of my men am" said Bloodbeard.
A pirate listening nearby corrected him "Arrgh"
*Acne waits until you're a teen to come on your face*
^^^^^^^^^^edit^^^^^^^^^^, ^^^^^^^^^^grammar
Because they are anti-semantic.
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & 'panties' plural when it covers only one
Probably in he'll
...between
* Helping your Uncle Jack off a horse
and
* Helping your Uncle jack off a horse
There, they're, their...
(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)
A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.
After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.
What chair?
He was the only one to pass the exam.
There, their, they're.
The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word stupid in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very stupid."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try using the word dictate in a sentence."
Jimmy looks at the teacher and without missing a beat says "I may be ugly and I may be stupid, but Suzy says my dictate good."
His grammar and spelling were terrible.
You're*-emburg
^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry...
**
Alt-Write
He remains in a comma.
I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
A subordinate Clause.
Too
We should not tolerate antisemanticism.
The alt-write.
That. That is how.
and it feelded good.
Just like grammar used to make.
Poor Grammar
I'm sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone.
Anne Frankly, it was just bad.
the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)
Original joke!
Now I call them the Alt-Write.
pour grammar
yes, it's
She would walk around the classroom and stop to ask students random grammar questions. I remember this one time she was walking by my desk and she stopped, pointed at me and said "Quick, name 2 pronouns!"
Startled, I looked at her and replied "who, me?"
A boy rides up to his friend on his bike, he says "Look at me I can ride my bike!"
The friend says "Mhmm"
The next day the boy rides up again
Boy "Look I can ride with out using my legs!"
friend "Mmmhm"
Again the boy rides up again later that day
Boy "Look I can ride with out my legs or arms!"
friend "Mmmhmm"
The next day the boy rides up again on his bike
the boy says "Look I can ride without my teeth!"
(Sorry for the bad grammar)
The Third Write
…typo positive?
"Every time you correct my grammar, I love you a little bit fewer"
Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"
Just like the ones grammar used to make.
He said "I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know"
Sorry... Alt-Write.
Dogs think you're god , whereas cats think your god .
A pupil came and showed something that he draw. He said that he drawed a cow eating grass. The teacher said: But there's nothing there! Then the pupil said: It's because the cow ate all the grass and went away to look for some more grass.
*Excuse my grammar, not perfect at english*
It feelded good
Changing their official slogan to Dicks Sporting Hoods.
Edit* grammar
And the doctor says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."
(So much subtler as a spoken joke. If you don't get it, consider you're grammar lessons!) ;)
That is improper grammar!
Yo momma's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm for different timezones!
Yo momma's so fat, she is on BOTH sides of the family!
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.