The Best 78 Grammar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Grammar jokes. There are some grammar syntax jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grammar colon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Grammar Jokes and Puns

Whats the difference between a Priest and Acne?

*Acne waits until you're a teen to come on your face*

^^^^^^^^^^edit^^^^^^^^^^, ^^^^^^^^^^grammar

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)

Original joke!

Grammar joke, Trees are allergic to bees..

Good Grammar is the Difference...

...between

* Helping your Uncle Jack off a horse

and

* Helping your Uncle jack off a horse

As I read my son's suicide letter, I couldn't help but feel that I had failed him as a parent....

His grammar and spelling were terrible.


The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied...

"Yeah, right!"

Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year?

He's leaving of his own accord.

Grammar joke, Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year?

Where do Grammar Nazis get put on trial?

You're*-emburg

^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry...

**

Did you hear about the poor chap who got smashed in the head by a grammar textbook?

He remains in a comma.

Old Joke From Bosnia

A boy rides up to his friend on his bike, he says "Look at me I can ride my bike!"

The friend says "Mhmm"

The next day the boy rides up again

Boy "Look I can ride with out using my legs!"

friend "Mmmhm"

Again the boy rides up again later that day

Boy "Look I can ride with out my legs or arms!"

friend "Mmmhmm"

The next day the boy rides up again on his bike

the boy says "Look I can ride without my teeth!"

(Sorry for the bad grammar)

I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.

You can explore grammar grammer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grammar hyphen dad jokes. There are also grammar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance

What's a grammar teacher's favorite dessert?

SYNONYM ROLLS!

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid

I would rather cuddle then have sex.

If your good with grammar you'll get it.

Grammar joke, I would rather cuddle then have sex.

Wishing Well

English is second language.... excuse grammar

My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny

What is worse than bad grammar?

pour grammar

Grammar Nazis are self-contradictory

Because they are anti-semantic.


I named my son Gram

It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?

Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?

Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.

Dad : What was the question?

Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & 'panties' plural when it covers only one

Grammar Nazis really make me fuhrious.

I'm sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone.

Anne Frankly, it was just bad.

Synonym rolls...

Just like grammar used to make.

There's a sexy new teacher at school

In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.

'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'

Miss Campbell blushes and yells:

'Out!'

Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:

'Not you... the others!'

So i said to my wife...

"Every time you correct my grammar, I love you a little bit fewer"

What do Grammar Nazis support?

The Third Write

My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist.

Sorry... Alt-Write.

Who do grammar nazis hang out with now?

The alt-write.

I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore....

Now I call them the Alt-Write.

How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?

There, their, they're.

I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

Who corrects Santa's grammar?

A subordinate Clause.

Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet?

Because English majors have no jobs.

Grammar Nazis no longer exist

Their called the Alt-Write now

Math class

Teacher asks Johnny:

"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"

"An orgy?"

Edited: names spelling, grammar.

The alt-right can't be nazis

Their grammar is terrible!

What is "Worse then the Holocaust"?

Poor Grammar

How do you get an grammar nazi's attention?

That. That is how.

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park...

Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry."

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

I got pulled over by the Grammar Police.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.

My wife is an English teacher

She always corrects my grammar while having sex. I'll go "suck it good" and she'll reply "it's suck it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.

What do Grammar Nazis call their movement?

The Alt-Write.

The difference between cats and dogs comes down to grammar...

Dogs think you're god , whereas cats think your god .

Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?

Alt-Write

Grammar lesson

Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"

Remember kids

the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.

Where are all my grammar Nazis at

Probably in he'll

First rule of English grammar,

Double negatives are a no no.

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

My high school English teacher was so mean!

She would walk around the classroom and stop to ask students random grammar questions. I remember this one time she was walking by my desk and she stopped, pointed at me and said "Quick, name 2 pronouns!"

Startled, I looked at her and replied "who, me?"

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

Grammar is weird

yes, it's

A woman texted me with the message, "Your adorable."

I texted back, "No. YOU'RE adorable."

Now she's falling for me. I was only correcting her grammar.

The Last Exam

(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)

A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.

After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.

What chair?

He was the only one to pass the exam.

I baked some synonym buns this morning

Just like grammar used to make.

What do you say to comfort a friend struggling with grammar?

There, they're, their...

I could really go for some synonym buns.

Just like the ones grammar used to make.

If you're genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you're…

…typo positive?

Dick's Sporting Goods came out against circumcision this past weekend

Changing their official slogan to Dicks Sporting Hoods.

Edit* grammar

I just blocked someone for correcting my grammar

and it feelded good.

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

I spoke with Bill Withers and I told him that "Ain't no sunshine" was bad grammar.

He said "I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know"

How many grammar nazis are needed to change a lightbulb?

Too

I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

Quick grammar lesson:

You're: You are

My: fire

The one: desire

Believe when: I say

I want it: that way

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

Proper Grammar, Guys

Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

I'm getting one of the first covid shots

I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I'm 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.




Edit for grammar.

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grammar translation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grammar edit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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