grammar Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious grammar puns

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

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At a Nazi mine, a worker calls out to Hitler:

"Sir, we are mining too many useless Ores"

[Hitler rubs his chin, contemplating]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi chimes in, from above]

"MINE FEWER"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

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WARNING... Dad joke ahead.

This actually just happened.

Wife and Son are playing an intense game of battle ship.

Son: I-8

Me: I haven't ate... I'm hungry

Wife: (not finding the humor)... miss... E-10

Me: Grammar Nazi.

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What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

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"Sir we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then."
*grammar nazi bursts in*

"Mine fewer"

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

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Hitler on mining

"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"

[Hitler rubs chin]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]

"MINE FEWER!"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

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Grammar Nazi.

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
[Hitler rubs chin]
"So, mine less.
[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]
"MINE FEWER!"
[Hitler looks up]
"Yes, soldier?"

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I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

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A plane was going down

You have the pope, a priest, the choir boys, and a narcissist, And only 1 parachute. The narcissist grabs the parachute and say's "I'm too important to die" The pope replies "But think about the children" The narcissist replies "Fuck the children!" The priest responds "Do you think we have time?" "Edit" i made this joke at 4am so chill about the grammar.

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Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet?

Because English majors have no jobs.

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I am not a "Grammar Nazi"...

I prefer the term "Alt-Write".

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I named my son Gram

It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.

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Grammer Nazi

"Sir we are mining too many useless minerals" (hitler scratches his chin in contemplation) Mine less then. (grammar nazi barges in) mine FEWER (hitler turns to the man) Yes? What do you need?

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How do you comfort a grammar Nazi?

"...They're, their, there."

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Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park...

Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"




He said "I am very hungry."





"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."





You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

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I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

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I'm not a Grammar Nazi!

I'm alt-write.

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First rule of English grammar,

Double negatives are a no no.

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The alt-right can't be nazis

Their grammar is terrible!

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Hitler's proofreader for Mein Kampf was literally a Grammar Nazi.

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Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

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A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

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Grammar Nazis no longer exist

Their called the Alt-Write now

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How do you calm down a grammar Nazi?

There they're their...

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Hitler pun

"Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "So mine less."

Grammar Nazi busts in.
"MINE FEWER."

(Hitler looks up) "Yes?"

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Synonym rolls...

Just like grammar used to make.

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What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

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I started dating an English teacher

Things were going great, but she'd start correcting my grammar during sex.

>Who's the daddy?

>Noo it's 'the daddy's who?'

>Suck it good bitch

>No it's 'suck it well'

The worst part of it all, she gets particularly annoyed at my use of the colon.

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I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

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Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance

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The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied...

"Yeah, right!"

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My wife is an English teacher

She always corrects my grammar while having sex. I'll go "suck it good" and she'll reply "it's suck it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.

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Math class

Teacher asks Johnny:

"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"

"An orgy?"

Edited: names spelling, grammar.

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What are the best Grammar puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Grammar? Well, here are the best Grammar dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Grammar pick up lines to share with friends.

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