Gram Jokes
88 gram jokes and hilarious gram puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gram that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some light-hearted fun? Check out our collection of gram jokes! We've got funny puns, relatable quips, and witty wordplay all relating to gram panchayat chunav, gram vikas adhikari, gram panchayat, kilo, aspartame and cocaine. Get ready for an entertaining read!
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Funniest Gram Short Jokes
Short gram jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gram humour may include short gran jokes also.
- Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
- How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs? Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
- I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams. His stage name is "The wizard of oz."
- A teacher in a class asks, "How much is a gram?" Answer from the back comes "Depends on what you want"
- Give a man a fish and he will be fed for a day, Give a man a gram of uranium and he will be fed for the rest of his life.
- Q. What's the downside to having 1000 grams? A. The pinches on the cheeks get old real fast.
- Have you heard of Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohans new sitcom? It's called "two and a half grams"
- My parents are from Chicago... ...which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child.
Well, maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. - Ever wonder why Britain's currency dropped so quick after the Brexit compared to everyone else's? Because paper money weighs like a gram but Britain's is a pound.
- What is the drug dealers favorite app? Insta-gram
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Gram One Liners
Which gram one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gram? I can suggest the ones about grave and grad.
- I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg
- What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole
- I named my son Gram It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.
- What do you call a mockingbird that weighs 2,000 grams? 2 kilo mockingbird
- What is 3.14 grams of fool's gold? It's pyrite.
- Why didn't USA switch from pounds to grams? Because of mass outrage.
- How does a whale buy their drugs? By the krill-o-gram
- What system does Satan use to weigh packages? Penta-grams
- What do you call a colonial pharmacist? A PILL-gram.
- What do you call a person who took 30 grams of acid? Dead.
- Where does a gram go on Sunday? Mass
- What do you call an awards show for drug dealers? The gram-mies
- How much does a hipster weight? An Insta-gram.
- How much does a mole swimming in water weigh? 18.02 grams
- How do you measure the weight of social networks? Insta-gram.
Comical Gram Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about gram you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean glob jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gram pranks.
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My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.
*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.*
A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"
He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his c**....
"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"
He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"
"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"
*
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My Cousin's Wedding Night
On my cousin's wedding night he approached our grandfather and asked, "Pap, you and gram have been married for 56 years. Can you give me any advice on my wedding night?"
My grandfather responded, "take the hardest thing you got and put it where she pees."
My cousin thought for a moment and then asked, "why would I put my bowling ball in the toilet?"
The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied...
"Yeah, right!"
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Where do Grammar n**... get put on trial?
You're*-emburg
^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry...
**
Grammar is important...
oYmF1CmhRlWEZ6v82CoNYI9qOkB9xXN0G15ZhxI8TUH6jugEiBzR2lOcgmwgDNoYmF1CmhRlWEZ6v82CoNYI9qOkB9xXN0G15ZhxI8TUH6jugEiB
Grammar
Teacher: I don't like your grammar.
Student: Why? She's a nice old lady!
Grammar tip
Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance
Here's one my grampa told me when I was a small boy.
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. "Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
What's a grammar teacher's favorite dessert?
SYNONYM ROLLS!
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But when the Grammar n**...'s came for me, their was no one left to help.
Grammatical error
My friend was peer-reviewing my essay on the Russian Revolution in class today, when he pointed out that I had written lenin instead of Lenin. I looked him dead in the eye and said, "You never capitalize lenin."
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When grammar n**... correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them.
You can say I'm passive, aggressive.
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Grammar n**... are self-contradictory
Because they are anti-semantic.
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Grammar n**... see things only two ways
The r**... way or the wrong way
Grammar joke
I told my girlfriend "sweetie, I want you beside me, in front of me,behind me, on top of me, under me, and to the left and right of me" she said "Honey, are you prepositioning me?"
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Meanwhile back in class...
Teacher : How much is a gram?
Me: Depends on what you are looking for ...
Teacher : GET OUT! NOW!
Me: So, did you still need that, or naw?
In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on
...before anyone knows how to use the colon.
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What do grammar n**... order at Burger King?
Two Whoppers Junior
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Say what you will about grammar n**...
At least they aren't anti-semantic.
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Imagine if, in some fit of drug-induced rage back in the 60s, Keith Richards had killed David Crosby & Gram Parsons?
Talk about killing two byrds with one stone.
Why is grammar class the most boring?
It puts all the students in a ,
Grammatically Correct but Women Hate It
Periods.
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Grammar n**... really make me fuhrious.
I'm sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone.
Anne Frankly, it was just bad.
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Where can Grammar n**... find asylum?
Grammargentina
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Some grammar n**... told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect.
They're there to affect its effect and it's there for their two affects too.
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Grammer n**... are the worse.
Thank you four you're time.
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How many grammar n**...'s does it take to change a light bulb
How many grammar n**... does it take to change a light bulb?
FTFY.
Is your name 1 gram of Dextrose with Maltodextrin, Aspartame, Phenylalanine?
Cuz you're as sweet as two teaspoons of sugar.
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What do Grammar n**... support?
The Third Write
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Instead of Grammar n**..., can we call them Grammar Alt Rights?
Because your Grammar sure isn't Altright.
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They're really just "Grammer n**..."
But the media keeps calling them "Alt-Write"
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Why are there so many grammar n**... on the internet?
Because English majors have no jobs.
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How do you get an grammer n**...'s attention?
That. That is how.
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What did the s**... ask the ocean?
How much for a gram of seaweed?
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Black Cashier: Want to buy a graham c**...?
White Customer: A gram of what? And please don't call me a "c**...", it's racist.
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What do you call a white grandma?
a Gram c**...
My doctor told me to stop drinking every weekend...
I took that with a gram og salt and a slice of lemon...
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[Grammar Police Job Interview]
Interviewer: "What is you're greatest strength?"
Candidate: " **Your** "
Interviewer: "When can you start?!"
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What do Grammar n**... call their movement?
The Alt-Write.
If grammar nerds had a convention...
...it would be called Lexicon.
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Why are grammar n**... always so contradicting?
Because they're on their period.
I have two different grammar teachers teaching me conflicting things.
Sometimes I just don't know whom to believe.
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What do you call a female w**... dealer that sells to breast cancer patients?
A Ma'am A' Gram
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Where do grammar n**... fall on the political compass?
Alt-Write
Grammar lesson
Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"
I want to get better at grammar so I was reading about the indefinite article.
It went on forever.
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What are the Grammar n**... responsible for?
The destruction of countless lifes.
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Where are all my grammar n**... at
Probably in he'll
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Grammar n**... should be locked up!
There textual predators!
Gramma and laptop
My gramma thought my laptop was a scale
She weighed 300$
Grammatically, S is a very important letter
It's the difference between being a ladies man and a lady man.
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How many grammar n**... does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Too
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Who do grammar n**... talk to when they need to work through their problems?
A they're/there/theirapist
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What did the grammar n**...'s friend say to console them?
There, they're, their
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Where do Grammar n**... take their victims?
To conjugation camps...
Grammar is weird
yes, it's
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I remember when I worked at the United Nations
And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of c**....
Of course, I called him immediately.
"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"
My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.
I'd steak my reputation on that.
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We are not grammar n**...,
We are grammar guardian angels.
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I sell my w**... fast
Call it insta gram
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I've had it all with the grammar n**...
We should not tolerate antisemanticism.
A lady walks into a restaurant
When she sits down she ask the waiter,
Excuse me, what is the food of the day?
Well ma'am we are serving a 250 gram Angus eye fillet steak.
Well I'll get that medium rare.
The waiter walks away and comes back 10 minutes later with the steak. He places it down and she bites into the steak. Furious she asks for the chef who cooked the steak steak to come over for a chat.
Good evening ma'am, what is the problem?
Well I asked for this steak to be medium rare but it is well done.
Why thank you ma'am.
Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?
He had a run-on sentence.
Q. A grammatical comedian wrote a book. What did he title it?
A. ",d"
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What do you call white people who use Instagram
Gram crackers.
Just thought of it a few mins ago and wanted to share.
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"Grammar n**... are literally the worst."
"No, actual n**... are literally the worst."
Grampa O'Malley
A little boy asks Grandpa O'Malley, "Can I have five bucks to buy a guinea pig?"
"Here," says the old man as he hands the boy a $10 bill. "Go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead."
