grains Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious grains puns

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.


A terribly overweight blonde woman goes to her doctor about her weight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

Why, that's amazing! the doctor said, Did you follow my instructions?

The blonde nodded.

I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.

From hunger, you mean?

No, from skipping.


A joke my dad told me when I was young

Timmy went to school every day. On Fridays, his teacher would ask a question and whoever got it right would be excused from school for a week.

One Friday the students were in class at the end of the day and the teacher asks the question. "How many grains of sand are there on the entire earth?"

"But mam, how are we supposed to know that?" The students respond.

"Well I guess I'll see you all Monday!"

The next week on Friday she gets the classes attention to ask another question. "How many pints of water are there on this entire earth?"

"Come on mam, that's not fair! How are we supposed to know that?"

"Well, I guess I'll see you on Monday!"

Timmy gets so mad and he comes up with an idea. Next Friday, Timmy brings 2 big bowling balls.

In class the teacher gets ready to ask. "So this weeks question is..." And Timmy rolls the balls to the front of the class. She sees them and says "Who's the comedian with the big black balls?"

"Bill Cosby, see you in a week!"


What does a vegan zombie eat?



What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains?

A riceist.

(It sounds better when you say it aloud)


Ever heard about the bread theif that always has a headache?

He's got my grains.


What do vegetarian zombies say?



Question for the Class

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little johny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, little johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," little johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"


What does two rice grains in the sink mean?

Some Somalian has been up all night puking.


Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin?

Because he had my grains


Two grains of sand going through the desert

Suddenly one tells the other: "Dude, i think we're being followed."


Two grains of sand are in the desert...

... suddenly, one of them turns to the other one and says: "Look! We're surrounded!".


2 grains of sand

2 grains of sand are walking in the desert. One says to another : What is this? A meeting?


Two grains of sand in the desert..

The first one turns around and says to his friend: "Dude, I think we are being followed".

I'll see myself out.


I want to open a bread shop in a gym.

I'll call it "Sick Grains"



Patient: I get migraines from heavy snow.

Doctor: Strange! Most people get their grains from large farms.


What kind of grains do white supremacists like to eat?



Why do geologists love sandwiches in the field?

Because they can get their whole grains.


What's a flamboyantly gay horse's favorite food?!

Likely a mixture of things like grains, seeds, and beet pulp.


how do you know a Ethiopian beens drinking?

There's 2 grains of rice in the sink


Some random farmer stole all of my wheat.

Talk about ill-gotten grains.


What did the Zombie cow say?

I want to eat your *grains*


Did you know there are more grains of sand on all the beaches on earth than there are atoms in the universe?



There's a new TV show on AMC about people who run away from grains and wheat.

I hear they call it The Walking Bread.


Received a christmas card todah, inside there was nothing but grains of rice.

It was from Uncle Ben.


Zombie Husband: "Why did you make quinoa for dinner?"

Zombie Wife: "You said you wanted to eat GRAINS"


How many grains of sand are there in the world?

As many as 27.

I'm referring to the number of times good ol' 27 was reposted.


Man steals 300 pounds of wheat.

Grinds up thousands in Ill-gotten grains.


What are the most funny Grains jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Grains? Well, here are the best Grains dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Grains pick up lines to share with friends.


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